November 20, 2008

Today, I Cried

For the first time in a very long time, I cried because this motherhood shit is hard.

I lost my patience (as if I had any, really) with Dawson this morning because he wasn’t listening to anything I said.  I tried to get him ready for school.  He decided to be difficult.  He refused to put on his pants.  He refused to put on his shirt.  Socks and shoes?  In your dreams, Mom!

I dropped him off at preschool and tried to enjoy the blissful two hours and fifteen minutes of freedom from the demands of a 4-year-old.  Instead I worried about all the things that needed to be done today.

I’ve been trying to get my house in tip top shape for the holidays.  It’s not that we have people coming over (thank goodness) because we usually visit the parents for Thanksgiving and Christmas — I just want this house clean and orderly because I truly believe it will help me to enjoy the holidays more.

The house isn’t a mess, it’s just lacking organization.  Mostly, I have a pile of mail and periodicals that I haven’t had time to sort and read, Dawson’s toy room is completely dysfunctional, and my pantry desperately needs some order.  Also, our filing cabinet hasn’t been dealt with in over a year.  I’ve been tossing all the things that need to be filed into a box and I just noticed it’s overflowing.

Other than that, the daily chores still need to be done, like dishes and vacuuming and dusting — and I usually manage to get those things accomplished while Dawson is in preschool.

After I went to pick up the Doodlebug from school, we went home and I delegated some chores to my boy.  I simply asked him to put his toys away and to hang up his coat.  Dawson flipped out.  You’d think I’d asked him to do Algebra or something.  That’s when I lost my temper.  I yelled at the child.  Two seconds later I felt guilty.

Dawson is normally very agreeable.  He listens to directions and he’s more than willing to pick up his toys and do things I ask him.  Like feeding the dog.  He loves to do that.  Today he wasn’t having any of it, and I wasn’t either.

I had to give myself a time out.  Seriously.  I went outside to get the mail and then took a quick walk around the house, just to calm my nerves.

When I went back inside, Dawson was picking up his toys and I began organizing the filing cabinet.  It’s been one hell of a day.  I’m ready for bed (after Grey’s of course).  Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.

November 14, 2008

Dana at Random

Today, I’m over at the Imperfect Parent dishing about cooking.  Or not cooking.  Whichever you prefer.  I would be thrilled to read your thoughts on the subject.

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I’ve got a lot on my mind these days.  Often my thoughts are a jumbled mess and I struggle with getting it all down on the blog coherently. So much has been happening Chez la Dana Files.

First, I have a list of to-do’s as long as Santa’s naughty list.  Most important is getting the house clean and organized so that I can start decorating for the holidays.  I’m not really doing Thanksgiving decor this year.  Truthfully, I feel like I should just drag out the Christmas stuff because if I don’t start now I won’t want to do it later.  It will be a crying shame if the tree doesn’t make it to it’s rightful spot in our living room.

Second, I have some writing deadlines to take care of including a few product reviews over at Dana Reviews.  I’m feeling a little pressed for time lately.  I don’t know where I got the notion that I have to do everything all at once.  It makes for a stressful day. I have this nagging feeling (all the time) that I’m forgetting something, but I can’t for the life of me recall what it is.

Another thing I worry about is Christmas shopping.  I’m a procrastinator by nature.  I hate that about myself.  I wait until the last minute and then I just can’t figure out why my head is throbbing and steam is coming from my ears.  Gee, I wonder why?

Doug and I have decided not to get each other anything because we’d like to buy a new flat screen television and they aren’t cheap.  Dawson is only getting the one big present this year.

I’m stumped as for what to give my other family members (parents, siblings, in-laws).  With the economy as it stands, we may need to be more frugal this year.  Who knows what other disasters could strike.  I’m knocking on wood that nothing awful happens any time soon ever.

Enough Christmas talk.  I’m changing the subject.

Did I tell you how pissed off I am at ABC?  I’m very mad.  Every freakin’ show I like they cancel.  They got rid of October Road (I LOVED THAT SHOW), they cancelled Women’s Murder Club (I really loved that one, too, because I’m a huge James Patterson fan), and they axed Men In Trees (another show I fell in love with).  Then I heard an awful, horrible rumor they are thinking of ditching Pushing Daisies.  WTF ABC?  Have you gone mad?  Stop screwing with me.  I want my shows back.

Don’t get me wrong.  I still love Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice and Brothers & Sisters, but I’m starting to get a little bored with the plot lines.  I blame the writers strike.  I’ve lost interest because I’d been without my faves for so long.  I know the writers deserve to be compensated for their brilliant work, but for as long as that thing dragged on, they need to understand that I’m just not into their stuff like I once was.

If it isn’t enough that ABC is driving me batty, imagine my shock when the writers of Ghost Whisperer (a show on CBS) killed Jim.  I’m so mad I could spit.  Oh, how I cried last Friday and tonight when the plot was unfolding.  I’m still sobbing.

On another tangent, I’ve had a fitness epiphany.  For the past year I’ve been working out 3-5 days a week (save for the occasional hectic week here and there when I didn’t make it to the gym) for about 45 minutes a session.  Typically, I do 35 minutes of cardio and 10 minutes of stretching mixed with yoga moves.  My favorite machine is the elliptical and I usually rotate between the three different types of ellipticals at the Y, which is how I lost those first 17 pounds.

Last Tuesday I met with a personal trainer (named Dana) and she basically told me I needed to revamp my workout for maximum weight loss and overall health.  Here’s a breakdown of her plan:  For two weeks I will do 1 hour of cardio 5 days a week.  The cardio will consist of 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the bike, both on the Intervals setting.  I started this routine that very day and let me tell you, it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.  It wasn’t easy either.

The Intervals setting allows the machine to fluctuate the resistance and incline (on the elliptical) and after 5 minutes I began to sweat profusely (gross, I know).  But the good news?  I dropped five pounds already this week.

Now I’m sure this is probably water weight, but already my pants fit better and I’ve got loads of energy. This is probably why I’ve had the urge to clean the house from top to bottom.  If only Dawson would occupy himself for a few hours.  Imagine what I could get done!

Okay, I realize this post is a complete mess.  It’s like Dana on crack or something.  I apologize.

Tomorrow Dawson and I will be attending a birthday party for my friend’s son.  It’s at the children’s museum and Dawson is very excited.  I’ll have tons of photos to post on Flickr for sure.

There you have it.  Random bloggy goodness a la Dana.

Tomorrow’s post will be better.  I promise.  I’ve got something very important to share with all of you!

November 10, 2008

Sunday is for Plays and Shopping and Shoes

Yesterday, I spent most of the day with my mom.  It was sort of a belated birthday thing.  We drove up to Wausau and did some shopping, and afterward I took her to see a play at the Grand Theater.  We saw The Philadelphia Story and it was fantastic.  Mom loved it so much, and she confessed that it was the first theater production she has attended, ever.  I was surprised, but honored to be the one to go with her.

The actress that played Tracy Lord on stage was so amazing.  She even sounded like Katharine Hepburn when she spoke.  Mom and I were so impressed.  I think my mother is hooked because she remarked that she’d like to go to another play very soon.

Before the show, we hit Sam’s Club because I needed to get paper towels, hand soap and some bulk grocery items.  Then we went to TJ Maxx and I hit the jackpot:

I bought a new wallet and handbag (Nine West) because I wanted something small to carry to work.  I usually carry my Coach bag, but now I’m thinking of only using it for special occasions.  I don’t want it to get worn out.

And the shoes!  Oh, how I love the shoes.  They’re Tommy Hilfiger, and I love, love, LOVE them.

It’s a rare occasion that I find shoes that fit me perfectly.  I have short, wide feet (that would normally be a size 7 if they weren’t so wide) require wide width shoes.  I have the worst luck finding reasonably priced footwear because of this.  I just can’t justify spending $100 or more on shoes when this economy is so shitty.

So instead, I picked up this pair of Tommy Hilfiger shoes for $40.  And they are wide.  They fit perfectly.  As though they were made just for my feet.  The evidence:

They even look good on my feet!  Don’t you think?

What a wonderful Sunday.  How was your weekend?

November 8, 2008

PCOS: I’m Dealing With It

Last month, I tried to do a low-carb diet.  Not necessarily Atkins or South Beach, but I eliminated all starches (potato, pasta, bread), I nixed the sugary goodness of chocolate (and it nearly killed me) and I tried sticking to a diet of lean meats, cheeses and leafy green vegetables (and cucumbers) for two weeks.

Can I just tell you how awful my cravings were?  I cannot even describe the ridiculous dependency my body had has on carbohydrates.  Seriously, it got to the point where I had dreams of baked potatoes loaded with all the fixings.

You’re probably wondering what possessed me to begin such a diet and I’m more than happy to tell you why.

Almost ten years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), a metabolic (and endocrine) disorder that affects ovulation, weight loss/gain, hormonal fluctuations and causes my body to be desensitized to insulin.  When I first received this diagnosis, I thought it was some bullshit syndrome that doctors made up because they weren’t sure what was wrong with the women who experienced the symptoms now classified as part of this disease.

The fact that PCOS is a disease scared me, partly because if left untreated the condition can become life threatening.  Women with untreated PCOS can develop diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cervical and uterine cancers and other scary things.  Sadly, this disease is genetic and typically runs in families.  My mother and sister most likely suffer from PCOS, as they’ve experienced most, if not all, of the same symptoms I do.  They haven’t been diagnosed just yet, but I’m urging them to get to their doctors to have testing done.

I went to the library and got some books on this condition, along with books on nutrition and fertility because I wanted to be completely in-the-know about what was happening with my body.

I won’t lie.  My reasons were selfish at first.  I’ve made it known that I want to have another baby (Soon, damn it!  Soon!) but that I’m not having any luck in the getting pregnant department.  Part of the blame is because of PCOS.

My very amazing new doctor (whom I began seeing this past June) prescribed a medication typically given to patients diagnosed with Type II diabetes.  The medicine is called Metformin (known as the brand Glucophage).  Metformin is given to sensitize the body to insulin (which is what helps the diabetic patient), and this can help regulate hormones and cure some of the endocrine disorder.

I’ve been taking this stuff for a little over five months and while it’s regulating insulin production, it isn’t really doing all of it’s job.  Such as trigger ovulation.  I know this because I’ve been charting my basal body temperature for months.

Two weeks ago, I went in for a re-check and Dr. F upped the dose of my Rx to four pills a day instead of two.  It’s sort of wrecking havoc with my stomach (a symptom of taking the meds), but I’ve noticed some changes since the increase.

For one, my acne is slowly disappearing.  I am one of the unlucky women post-puberty that still gets the occasional zit (or twelve) around the chin area.  Acne is a symptom of PCOS.  So is hirsutism (excess hair growth on the face and other unwanted areas of the body — I know, that’s so general).  I noticed that I had some facial hair problems (mostly on the chin and neck), but now that I’ve been taking the Metformin, it seems to be fading away.

But the biggest change is that my menstrual cycles are shortening.  Pre-metformin, my cycles were 47 days plus.  Probably why it’s been so difficult to coneive.  Each month I’d lose a day or two.  I’m down to about 35-39 days depending on other stress factors.

Okay, I take that back.  The biggest change isn’t just that my periods are getting more “regular.”  I’ve lost 17 pounds, too.  Seventeen.  Dr. F was so elated when I weighed in.  My goal was to lose 10% of my weight in order to trigger ovulation again.  I have 10 more pounds to go.

People, this is progress.  And while, it’s still frustrating to know that I’m not getting pregnant yet, it’s comforting to know that by sticking to the plan and making small, subtle changes to my lifestyle, perhaps I’ll be pregnant by Christmas.  Or maybe Valentine’s Day.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I’m also trying not to give up.  It’s like I’m in a holding pattern.  Being sick with a cold the last twelve days hasn’t helped either.  When I’m sick, I have no ambition to eat healthy or exercise. Sad, but true.

The low-carb diet was much more difficult this time around. (I did it four years ago which is how I conceived Dawson.)  Instead, I’m counting calories, making healthier food choices and exercising 4-6 times a week.  I feel good about myself and I noticed I’m not as depressed as I used to be.

So, anyway…I’m just really happy with how things are going and I wanted to blog about it so that I can look back and see how far I’ve come.  There were devastating days, I know.  I lost my shit a time or two.  But like Scarlet O’Hara once said, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

I’m looking forward to my tomorrows.

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P.S.

I don’t know many people who also struggle with PCOS, but I’m hoping that if you are dealing with this condition or know someone who is dealing with it, you’ll leave a comment on this post (please?).  I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If you think you may have PCOS and have not yet been diagnosed, please make an appointment with your doctor.  It’s very important for you to get treatment.  There is help for your condition.  And no, you’re not crazy.  No, these symptoms are not “in your head.”

I’m happy to talk more about PCOS, and to blog about it, too.  The more informed we are, the better we can manage our conditions.