I have realized that blogging stopped being a priority in my life around the time Owen was born.  Instead of embracing the opportunity to document his milestones I felt an intense need for privacy.  I needed to devote time to living life and being with my children.  Writing publicly about them seemed like a mistake.  I wasn’t a blogger until Dawson was about 3 years old and I never really shared too much about him, either.

Sometimes I regret not sharing my memories, and I want to begin now.  But where do I start?

I could tell you (is there anyone out there?) about how Owen is almost 2 1/2 and he is talking up a storm.  His explosion of speech only started in the last month or so.  He’s been saying a only a handful of words for the last 9 months, but now he’s jabbering all day long.  It’s like watching a toddler talk show.  He tells me about the chippy (chipmunk) that got hit by a car near Grandma’s house.  He talks about playing football with his Guy.  That’s what he calls his big brother.  He refuses to say Dawson’s name.  Instead he’ll say things like, “Where my Guy go?” after Dawson leaves for school.  It’s the cutest thing.

This morning he found the stash of sour gummy worms and Jolly Rancher jelly beans I’ve been hiding until Easter.  He brought the bags to me and said, “Mumma, me have gummy?  Me have gemmy bean?”  I just giggled.  The cute is killing me.   It’s not so cute when he tells me “no” however.  I will ask him to pick up his toys and he just gives me a devilish grin and says, “No!”  I can’t get upset with him, though.  He’s just too cute.

Owen is fascinated with Bob the Builder.  When Dawson was around 3 years old we visited the National Railroad Museum in Green Bay, Wisconsin.  Thomas the Train was there and we bought Dawson a set of Thomas trains and Bob the Builder toys.  Owen is learning all the machines’ names.  I love hearing him say, “Scoop” and “Muck” because he’s so animated when he does.  Dawson pulled all the old Bob DVDs out of the cabinet and every day we watch an episode.  Owen just loves this show.  Just like his Guy.

Dawson is a first grader now.  He’s reading and practicing addition and subtraction.  I can’t get over how much he’s grown.  At 7 years old, his favorite things are Star Wars Legos, watching the Clone Wars cartoon on TV and playing soccer.  He loves playing with the neighbor boys across the street, too.  They are home-schooled, and after Dawson does his homework he runs across the street to ride bikes with them.

As for me, I’m just busy finishing school, studying for my insurance exam and working full time.  We’re working hard to save money so we can start remodeling our bathroom and eventually the kitchen.  We are also trying to plan a family vacation but everyone has different opinions about where we should go and what we should do.  Dawson wants Disney World.  Doug wants to go to Canada.  I’m just happy with getting away from the chaos for a few days.

Welcome to my world.

Crazy. Busy. Fun.

The weather in Wisconsin has been unusually warm.  We never really had much snow and a few weeks ago the temperatures were in the 70s and 80s.  On my birthday (St. Patrick’s Day) it was 76 degrees.  I don’t remember having a birthday in which I could have sunbathed.  I didn’t of course.  I’m not swimsuit ready by any means.  That’s another thing I’m tackling.  I gained a few pounds over the holidays and I haven’t had a chance to get back to the gym.  I definitely need to shed this weight.  Once and for all.

Wah.  I feel like I’m whining and rambling.

Enough about me.  Time to get back to reading your blogs.   I miss you all.

Right now they are curled up on the couch watching something on the Disney channel.  It’s almost 10:30 here.  I feel guilty for letting them stay up this late, but they’ve been sleeping most of the day.  I’m pretty sure their sleep cycles are completely messed up.  I’ll probably pay for that tomorrow.

Doug had the day off and he took care of the boys while I went to work.  I’d almost rather have stayed home.  My day was totally unproductive.  We had a meeting from 10 a.m. to 11:30 and it put a wrench in my day.  I just couldn’t get back on track.  The audits I had to review were missing something; paperwork, questions not fully answered, uncooperative insureds.  I couldn’t wait for the day to end.  I can only hope Monday is better.

I’m worried about the kiddos.  I really hope Dawson starts feeling better quickly.  Sunday afternoon is his Cub Scout troop’s Pinewood Derby.  He and his father have been working on that car for days and Dawson is so proud of the work they did.  I loved seeing them spend time together, working on a project that seemed to be a lot of fun for them both.  They have yet to paint the car but I’m sure they’ll tackle it tomorrow.

I spent most of my night cuddling with Owen who is very clingy when he’s sick.  After awhile I had to have Doug take my place so I could get some of my homework completed.  This semester has been very crazy. Four classes is a lot!  I knew I’d have to focus, but I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.  Add in the insurance designation course I’m taking through work — it’s no wonder I’m always tired.

I love school and I’m looking forward to graduating this May, but it really is difficult to study and raise a family and work 40 hours a week.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I’m no Wonder Woman.

The only thing keeping me going is the light at the end of a dark tunnel.  13 weeks to go until graduation…

Dawson and Owen had spent five days at my parents’ house over Christmas break. They finally came home today and Doug and I were very happy to see them. We loved having the time away to get things done around the house, and my mom and dad love spending time with their grandsons, but it was awfully quiet while they were gone.

Owen was mad that Poppa and Nonna didn’t stay for awhile after they brought him and Dawson home, but I managed to distract him with a game of Angry Birds on my new Kindle Fire. Big mistake on my part because Dawson (who loves everything that resembles a video game) managed to take over the Kindle and has kicked my butt with the high score. It’s amazing how technologically advanced my kids are.

I gave the boys a bath and they got dressed to go to the New Year’s at Noon celebration at the Central Wisconsin Children’s Museum in downtown Stevens Point.  I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it was their first visit since they moved to their new location.  I was amazed at how awesome the museum is now.  Owen was fascinated with all the exhibits, but the Grocery Store was his favorite.  Dawson loved the News Anchor station the best.

We had a very good time. They did a New Year countdown at Noon that was quite noisy. Owen freaked out when all the kids began honking their noise makers so we moved off to the side to calm him down. Dawson and I loved the champagne, which was really ginger ale. We had a toast and then the boys continued to play for a bit.

The CWCM is having their 1st Anniversary in their new building and we might go back to celebrate at their party on January 7th. Plover and Stevens Point locals are encouraged to attend. It will be great fun and admission is just $1 per person.

Later tonight we’re heading to the YMCA to celebrate the new year with some fun, games and swimming. The boys are super excited. We can’t wait! Happy New Year, everyone!

I think this is just a combination of my natural tendency to worry (a lot) and lack of sleep.  I haven’t been in bed before 10 p.m. in many long weeks.  I’m tired of it.  Pun intended.

Okay, and I’m just too busy.  I’m still learning the ins and outs of my new position at work.  Training is an ongoing process.  There is so much to know about the insurance industry.  Even applying my years of insurance experience isn’t enough to breeze through this training.  Also, worker’s compensation insurance is complex.  Each state follows it’s own rules on what is defined as a covered employee and I’m constantly learning all the “tricky situations” and exceptions to the rule.  It’s no wonder I crash on the couch for 10 minutes the second I walk through the front door.  I have to give my brain a break.

Lately I have had zero ambition to do anything other than go to work, get my homework and studying done each night, and try (oh, do I try) to spend quality time with the boys.  My poor kids.  I have slowly realized they are beginning to prefer Daddy over Mommy.  Mommy is always busy.  Mommy is burning the candle at both ends.

I’m learning to let go of some of the Mommy Guilt, however.  Tonight after work I rushed to Dawson’s school to watch him in wrestling practice.  Then he had a Cub Scout meeting at the Lutheran church down the street (we’re Catholic, but all of Dawson’s classmates are in this particular pack and the meetings are within walking distance of our house – it’s like killing two birds with one stone because I squeeze in some much needed exercise).  Our den leader is the mom of Dawson’s best friend and their family attends the same church we do.  It’s nice to have friends I can commiserate with.  It’s a win-win.

This is Dawson’s first year in wrestling.  When the registration form came home from school I asked him what he thought about it.  He said, “Yeah, Mom.  I think I might like to try it.”

I was a little nervous the first night (which was yesterday) because he really had no experience with the sport, but thankfully his coach was a wrestler in high school and college so he had lots of experience.  I think I may have gone to high school with him, actually, as he looks very familiar.  I keep meaning to ask him his name, but I’m get sidetracked and forget.

Tonight, Dawson won a “take down” against a second grader and he was super pumped.  It makes me happy to see him having fun and learning so many different things.  Plus, he likes to be active.  It’s good for him.

Owen is growing like a weed.  I bought him some pants a few weeks ago and I realized tonight they are getting to tight in the legs.  My little guy isn’t so little.  He’s got a strong build and I can definitely picture him as a tackle on the football team.  He loves to do everything Dawson does and this evening they played a mini game of  ”wrestle mania.”  Thank goodness Dawson knows that he has to be gentle with Owen.  But little brother is definitely a brute.  He didn’t hesitate to charge at his big brother and take him down.  Good times.

Overall, things are good.  Crazy chaotic, but I can’t really complain.  Life is….good!

Tonight I took both kids to the YMCA to swim in the Adventure Pool. After an hour of splashy fun I said it was time to go. Neither child wanted to get out of the water. I endured several minutes of crying and gave in to another 15 minutes. They finally agreed to get out because they were hungry.

When we got home Dawson and Owen ate as thought they’d been starving and they both fell asleep by 8:30. I managed to get all of my homework done online and now I’m wide awake. Swimming may just become our Friday night ritual.

Our summer is definitely beginning on the right foot. What have you all been up to?

Here’s some recent photo goodness:

They are growing right before my eyes and every day is special.  It’s so difficult to watch them grow up and become their own personalities.  As much as I love them and understand that this is part of life, in these moments I truly understand what it must have been like for my own mother to “let go” of her four children.

Dawson will be 7 years old in just a few months.  SEVEN.  It seems like yesterday that I was holding him in my arms and rocking him to sleep.  His life is no longer an off-shoot of mine.  He has his own life, separate from me.  He has experiences at school that I know nothing about.  When he gets home he tells me about his friends, what he’s learned, the emotions he feels when things happen during his day.  He is making his own memories and some day this little boy will be a man.  How do I get over the immensity of this fact of life that is staring me in the face every day?  Oh how I wish I cold slow down time.

Owen is almost two years old and I’m now realizing that everything I’ve experienced with Dawson is coming down the pipe with my youngest child.  My baby wants to be like his big brother so much, and it seems like he’s growing up twice as fast as Dawson is.  I don’t know how this is possible.  Owen is so full of energy and is always smiling.  When I look at his face I see how much he loves life.  I see how much he loves Dawson.  He is ready to conquer the world.

I can help but shed some tears.  I’m sad these little birds have to leave the nest some day, but I’m so lucky to be their mother and to watch them take flight right before my eyes.

When I arrived to pick him up, Dawson looked sad and worried.  I asked if he was feeling okay and he simply shook his head.  We walked from the nurse’s office to his classroom so that he could get his coat and backpack.  His teacher stopped to talk to me in the hallway.

Mrs. T made mention that Dawson was feeling some anxiety about riding the bus home from school.  I knew exactly what she was talking about.  A few weeks ago, Dawson told me some of the older kids (fourth and fifth graders) on the bus were poking him in the back of the head and calling him names.  Being a Love & Logic parent, I told Dawson how sad I was to hear this and asked him what he thought he could do about it.

After talking it over, he decided he would tell the bus driver if things got out of hand, and he would try to sit in the front of the bus whenever possible.  Dawson is the last one on the bus in the morning, so all the seats at the front are usually taken and he makes his way to the back where the naughty kids wreck havoc.

I discussed the situation with his teacher and she explained that Dawson becomes nervous just before the end of the day.  She thinks he may be worrying about the bus ride and it’s making him feel sick.  It broke my heart to hear these words.  The thought of my son enduring such torment is frustrating and infuriating.  I honestly had no idea it was causing him such anxiety.

Dawson is a polite child and he’s painfully shy.  He doesn’t cause trouble.  He doesn’t fight. He doesn’t talk back.  He will sit quietly and ignore anyone who intends to bring him harm.  This child has more patience than any adult I know.  I try to teach him to stand up for himself, to use descriptive words to tell the bullies that he doesn’t like what they are doing.  I’ve told him to politely ask them to stop.  Dawson tells me he did tell them to quit bothering him but it sounds like the bad behavior is persisting.

After school I called the school bus garage and left a message for the bus driver.  When she returned the call she told me that Dawson is one of the best kids on the bus.  He never yells or causes a distraction.  He always says hello and goodbye to her when getting on and off the bus.  She also told me she has been keeping an eye on the situation to the best of her ability, but that driving children safely to their destination is her first priority so she can’t always see everything that goes on.  I told her I understood; I know the drill.  My mother has been a school bus driver for 23 years.

The plan is to save a seat in the front of the bus for Dawson so that he doesn’t have to deal with the rotten kids in the back.  I’m so mad at those kids.  Shame on them for picking on someone littler than they are.  I am so upset that they cause my son so much anxiety.  It brings back memories of the same crap happening to me when I was in elementary school. I never fought back, I was too scared.  I often cried all the way home.

I sure hope this arrangement doesn’t single Dawson out and cause more teasing, but I don’t know what else to do.

The first house we went to was the next-door neighbor’s.  Dawson rang the doorbell.  He was a Star Wars Shadow Trooper this year.  When our neighbor came to the door she was carrying two large bags of candy.  Little Owen, dressed as Yoda, stood in the middle of the driveway holding his pumpkin pail and didn’t really understand what was happening.  When Dawson put some of the candy into the pail, Owen just stared inside with his mouth wide open.  It was like he couldn’t believe someone gave him candy and Mom didn’t swoop in to take it away.  I don’t usually let the boys have candy so this must have been Heaven to both Dawson and Owen.

I let Owen walk up to a few other houses and then put him in the wagon while Dawson continued around the neighborhood.  Every house we went to gave tons of candy to Dawson and then sent more over for Owen’s bucket.  I think we have enough candy to rot the teeth of an entire village.  We only went around the block and across the subdivision this year.  Then we came home so that Dawson could hand out candy to kids.  He had such a good time answering the door.  Owen was a quite startled with every ring of the doorbell, but I think he liked seeing the costumes just as much as the rest of us.

Check out my cute little goblins:

Halloween 2010

How was your Halloween?

So after lounging around with the boys for awhile, I fed them dinner, read stories and put them to bed by 9 p.m. so that I could watch The Good Wife on CBS. I got through the first half hour and the damn power went out with a huge gust of wind. It came back on for two seconds and out it went for 40 minutes. Grrrr. So now I’m waiting not-so-patiently for the episode to be available online. Ugh.

During the power outage, Dawson woke up and padded down the hall to the living room where Doug and I were lighting candles so we could actually see. Truthfully, I was ready to call it a night and head to bed myself, but the Doodlebug wanted to know why the house was so dark and quiet. I’m thinking his night light went out and he panicked. We found his Rocket light that uses battery power and all was right with the world.

Thankfully, Owen was peacefully sleeping in his crib. That baby is so damn cute. Just like his big brother. I look at my boys and wonder if they are really my kids. They are so smart. Owen looks up to Dawson and wants to do everything his big bro does. Dawson was coloring this afternoon and Owen stuck a crayon in his fist and began scribbling on the newspaper. It’s amazing what he picks up by observing others.

Owen & Dawson, Fall 2010

The power is back on and the house is still quiet. I love the few moments I have before bed each night. I like reflecting on the day (even if work sucked today) and wiping the slate clean for tomorrow.

How was your day?

When I’m Queen of My Own Life, I will rule that I be given two straight hours each day to read.  Considering I have a stack of books on my end table that I’d love to read, and magazines piling up in every corner of every room, I’ll probably need a full work day each week to catch up.  My husband will just have to deal with the diaper changing, the picking up of the toys, the constant yelling and craziness.

I just got the new issue of New York Magazine and haven’t had the chance to read about The Social Network, which is on the cover.  I’m not sure I want to watch this movie.  Anyone see it yet?  I love me some Facebook (hello, I’m on it every damn day), but do I really care about Mark Zuckerberg or whatever his name is?

It’s weird that Hollywood is making movies about social media.  I can’t wait for them to make a movie about Twitter.

Okay.  These kids of mine are whining.  The only think I’m queen of is chaos.  So much for blogging.