September 4, 2012

A Day of Firsts

Today was the first day of school for Dawson.  He is a 2nd grade student at Roosevelt Elementary.  This year he was more excited than usual about going back to school.  He anticipated seeing the friends he’s missed so much over the summer.  He was ready to tackle new challenges and learn amazing new things.  He was dressed in a brown t-shirt and orange plaid shorts (which he picked out himself from Old Navy when we did our Back-to-School shopping) and his hair was freshly cut.  True to form, I was running around the house with my camera hanging from my neck, trying to capture it all:

I took the obligatory 1st Day photos by our shrubs and the front door, and of course included little Owen as the tradition requires.  I love this part of every year.

Looking back at the previous year’s photos makes me realize just how quickly my sons are growing up.  They are no longer tiny infants, dependent upon me for their nourishment, both physical and emotional.  They are more independent with each day that passes.  I love, and simultaneously hate, this fact of life.

Dawson and Owen continue to amaze me each and every day.  I wish I could spend every waking moment with them, doing the things we enjoy most – playing board games, taking long walks, writing with chalk on the driveway.  But I know in my heart that I have to let them grow up.  I cannot fight it, no matter how much I may want to.

I think this may be why I decided to return to school.  When Owen was just 13 months old I knew it was time to complete my degree.  Earning the Associates Degree was a big accomplishment for me; one that took many years to finally finish.  After observing my kids’ desire to learn and grow, I knew that I wasn’t satisfied with just the 2-year diploma.

Today was my first day of school, too.  I’m officially a junior in college at Lakeland Univeristy.  I’m excited.  I’m also terrified.  Just as Dawson was nervous about being in a new classroom with a new teacher, I’m freaking out about 12 credits (4 classes) on top of being a wife, mother and working woman.  Not only that, I’m studying like mad to pass my the second of three insurance exams required to earn my Associates in General Insurance.

Have I lost my mind?  I think to myself that I’ve quite possible gone mad.  Who in their right mind would take on such challenges on purpose?

Despite the miniscule crumbs of doubt at the back of my mind, I know I can do this.  I’m doing this for my children. I’m doing this to set a good example; to show them that a college education is important.  I’m doing this for my husband.  I’m determined to achieve this goal.  But most importantly, I’m doing this for me.  I will prove to myself that I am good enough and smart enough and willing to go after what I want.  I will succeed. 

May 8, 2012

One Week To Go

I have one week of school left.  One. Week.  Graduation is next Thursday and I’m super excited, however, I have so much homework to finish and time is ticking by. I hate being so busy that I can’t think straight.

Dawson was supposed to have T-ball tonight but as I was leaving work it started to rain.  I saw a few strikes of lightning and figured the games would be canceled.  After picking up both boys from school/daycare we came home to a voice mail message from his coach letting us know we wouldn’t be playing tonight.  I was actually relieved.  I had plans to get some school work done.

The second I sat down at my laptop, Owen decided he needed my full attention.  He wouldn’t let me out of his sight. The whining and crying was enough to stop me and instead of math homework I had to watch Cars 2 with him.  Ten minutes into it, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up an hour ago.  I’m so mad at myself right now.

Doug is working until 11 p.m. tonight.  This is a rare situation.  One of the managers quit and they have no one to replace him so Doug and the other department managers are filling in.  I’m wishing he were home so I could get things done.

It’s going to be a late night of studying again.

February 10, 2012

February, Already?

Dawson and Owen are sick.  The poor little ones have caught a nasty bug.  Dawson missed school yesterday and today.  He’s been coughing and he can barely talk, I took his temperature and freaked out when it read 103.3 – thank God for children’s ibuprofen.  Owen had a fever of 102.9 and I gave him half a dose just to be safe.

Right now they are curled up on the couch watching something on the Disney channel.  It’s almost 10:30 here.  I feel guilty for letting them stay up this late, but they’ve been sleeping most of the day.  I’m pretty sure their sleep cycles are completely messed up.  I’ll probably pay for that tomorrow.

Doug had the day off and he took care of the boys while I went to work.  I’d almost rather have stayed home.  My day was totally unproductive.  We had a meeting from 10 a.m. to 11:30 and it put a wrench in my day.  I just couldn’t get back on track.  The audits I had to review were missing something; paperwork, questions not fully answered, uncooperative insureds.  I couldn’t wait for the day to end.  I can only hope Monday is better.

I’m worried about the kiddos.  I really hope Dawson starts feeling better quickly.  Sunday afternoon is his Cub Scout troop’s Pinewood Derby.  He and his father have been working on that car for days and Dawson is so proud of the work they did.  I loved seeing them spend time together, working on a project that seemed to be a lot of fun for them both.  They have yet to paint the car but I’m sure they’ll tackle it tomorrow.

I spent most of my night cuddling with Owen who is very clingy when he’s sick.  After awhile I had to have Doug take my place so I could get some of my homework completed.  This semester has been very crazy. Four classes is a lot!  I knew I’d have to focus, but I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.  Add in the insurance designation course I’m taking through work — it’s no wonder I’m always tired.

I love school and I’m looking forward to graduating this May, but it really is difficult to study and raise a family and work 40 hours a week.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I’m no Wonder Woman.

The only thing keeping me going is the light at the end of a dark tunnel.  13 weeks to go until graduation…

December 6, 2011

A Much Over Due Update

My last few weeks of school are wrapping up for this semester.  I’m just ready to be done.  Like yesterday.  I will have completed three of four semesters at before the end of the month and I am starting to panic about graduating next May.  I know I can do this, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It’s just that I worry about strange things happening – things beyond my control – like getting in a car accident and being in a coma for five months.  Irrational.  Yes, I know.

I think this is just a combination of my natural tendency to worry (a lot) and lack of sleep.  I haven’t been in bed before 10 p.m. in many long weeks.  I’m tired of it.  Pun intended.

Okay, and I’m just too busy.  I’m still learning the ins and outs of my new position at work.  Training is an ongoing process.  There is so much to know about the insurance industry.  Even applying my years of insurance experience isn’t enough to breeze through this training.  Also, worker’s compensation insurance is complex.  Each state follows it’s own rules on what is defined as a covered employee and I’m constantly learning all the “tricky situations” and exceptions to the rule.  It’s no wonder I crash on the couch for 10 minutes the second I walk through the front door.  I have to give my brain a break.

Lately I have had zero ambition to do anything other than go to work, get my homework and studying done each night, and try (oh, do I try) to spend quality time with the boys.  My poor kids.  I have slowly realized they are beginning to prefer Daddy over Mommy.  Mommy is always busy.  Mommy is burning the candle at both ends.

I’m learning to let go of some of the Mommy Guilt, however.  Tonight after work I rushed to Dawson’s school to watch him in wrestling practice.  Then he had a Cub Scout meeting at the Lutheran church down the street (we’re Catholic, but all of Dawson’s classmates are in this particular pack and the meetings are within walking distance of our house – it’s like killing two birds with one stone because I squeeze in some much needed exercise).  Our den leader is the mom of Dawson’s best friend and their family attends the same church we do.  It’s nice to have friends I can commiserate with.  It’s a win-win.

This is Dawson’s first year in wrestling.  When the registration form came home from school I asked him what he thought about it.  He said, “Yeah, Mom.  I think I might like to try it.”

I was a little nervous the first night (which was yesterday) because he really had no experience with the sport, but thankfully his coach was a wrestler in high school and college so he had lots of experience.  I think I may have gone to high school with him, actually, as he looks very familiar.  I keep meaning to ask him his name, but I’m get sidetracked and forget.

Tonight, Dawson won a “take down” against a second grader and he was super pumped.  It makes me happy to see him having fun and learning so many different things.  Plus, he likes to be active.  It’s good for him.

Owen is growing like a weed.  I bought him some pants a few weeks ago and I realized tonight they are getting to tight in the legs.  My little guy isn’t so little.  He’s got a strong build and I can definitely picture him as a tackle on the football team.  He loves to do everything Dawson does and this evening they played a mini game of  ”wrestle mania.”  Thank goodness Dawson knows that he has to be gentle with Owen.  But little brother is definitely a brute.  He didn’t hesitate to charge at his big brother and take him down.  Good times.

Overall, things are good.  Crazy chaotic, but I can’t really complain.  Life is….good!