Christmas with my side of the family can be a bit overwhelming. Every year, my mom and her two youngest sisters take turns hosting the celebration. This tradition began in 1981, as a way for my grandmother, Alice, to spend time with all seven of her children, their spouses and her grandchildren.
It’s hard to believe that we’ve been gathering every Christmas for the last twenty-six years. That first celebration was the smallest, because not all of my aunts and uncles were married, but as our families expanded, year after year, it became a challenge to cram almost forty people in one location.
My mother is the oldest, followed by her sisters, Judy, Donna and Mary, and her brothers, Michael, Carl and Paul. Out of seven kids, only two are unmarried. In order to understand the insanity in my family, I’ll give you a little back-story.
My mom and her sister Judy are very close, and my aunts, Donna and Mary are inseparable. Besides being sisters, they are best friends and very often exclude my mom and Aunt Judy from conversations and events. I could even say that there’s a small rivalry between families.
Both aunts were stay-at-home parents, married to husbands with high-paying mill jobs. Both Donna and Mary each have five children that are very close in age to the other’s kids, and the two families have been known to spend a lot of time together.
It should be said that I’m the firstborn grandchild, followed by my cousin, Hedy, who is two years younger than me. Hedy and I were “best friends” until our high school years when we drifted apart. We really didn’t have much in common as the years went by.
Hedy and her sisters have gone to prestigious universities, they work for prominent companies, and they travel across the country, as well as internationally, and they usually date very good-looking boyfriends. It can be rather intimidating to listen to them speak of their latest accomplishment or amazing trip to Amsterdam (or was it Paris?).
I’ve never felt the need to compete with my cousins, but my aunts seem to measure a person’s “worth” by their social status, how much money they make, or the clothes they wear. They’ll never admit it, but sometimes I feel as though I’m being compared to their very gorgeous, thin, single, childless daughters.
This Christmas was held at my parents’ house. When my cousins arrived I felt the dread of having to make conversation with these very accomplished girls. I know it sounds like I’m jealous, but that isn’t the case. I’m very proud of my cousins’ successes – they’ve worked very hard to get where they are – but I find it difficult to listen to them brag about how “wonderful” they are and the “amazing” lives they lead. Are they trying to impress me? Are they insecure about one part of their lives so they embellish the details of another part? Who knows?
I tried to be polite and courteous, and I did my best to keep a smile on my face and be interested in their lives, but part of me thought, “Who cares?” Not one of my cousins asked me about my life, or about Dawson or about my job. It wasn’t until my sister brought up my blogging that they took an interest.
If I had a dollar for every time I was asked what a blog was, or what BlogHer was all about, I could afford my own trip to Amsterdam (or perhaps Paris?). My very liberal cousins were shocked to discover that I write about conservative politics. And my awesome sister did some bragging on my behalf.
“She writes for BlogHer.com,” Rachel said. “And, she’s really good at it. And she’s going to New York and San Francisco, too, for the blogging conferences.”
I laughed inside, because of the raised eyebrows and strange looks I was getting. Thankfully, my brother, Frankie, put on the videotape from Christmas 1989 (saved by the TV!), to break up the tension in the room. My uncle, Mike, had brought his VHS recorder and documented our holiday celebration that year. Frank thought it would be fun to watch that old video.
I smiled when I saw Grandma Alice on the screen. It’s been two years since her death (she died December 6, 2005) and I miss her terribly. It was amazing that everyone gathered around the television to reminisce the early Christmas parties we had. How fast time goes by.
The best part of watching this old tape was that it took place in the house I live in now. We bought my childhood home from my parents five years ago when they built their dream house. My husband had never seen our home prior to the addition my dad built to the back of the house in 1991.
It was so foreign to look at that old floor plan. I had forgotten about that ugly brown linoleum in the old kitchen, which is currently underneath the current flooring. I laughed when I saw the old deck door (which is now an open entry-way to our current dining room). I remember that the lock was broken, so my mother put a dowelling rod behind it, “just in case burglars try to get it.” It never occurred to her that they would probably just break the glass.
And then, I heard Grandma’s voice coming through the speakers and I started crying. As I write this, the tears are rolling down my cheeks. Eighteen years ago, on December 25, Grandma Alice was sitting in my living room, watching her grandchildren open their Christmas presents.
My Christmas tree is in the same spot my mother place our tree in 1989. If I close my eyes, I can see it all again – no VHS required. I can smell the real tree my father cut from the local Christmas tree farm. I can see the mountains of presents underneath it, the flashing multi-colored string of lights, the handmade ornaments my siblings and I made.
My youngest brother, Frank wasn’t even born yet, so my sister was the baby of the family. I remember painting her finger and toenails and crimping her hair for the Christmas party.
I laughed when Grandma Alice said, “Honest to God, Mikey!” to my uncle as he videotaped her. She didn’t want to be on camera, but thank the Lord she was! I’m so grateful we could look back on that Christmas, eighteen years ago. I still can’t get over how fast time goes by…
I remember that Grandma made Polish sausage (kielbasa), and how the awful smell of sauerkraut wafted through the air when someone lifted the lid on the crock-pot.
I remember Aunt Judy getting a little tipsy from eggnog – or maybe she was just sugared up on Diet Pepsi (it wasn’t caffeine-free at that time) — and telling us she once ran naked through the woods on the farm.
I remember saying my prayers with Grandma — the “Our Father” and the “Hail Mary” — and how proud she was that I prayed with her. I remember the nativity, and how we celebrated the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
As we watched that videotape, I began to realize that it doesn’t matter what clothes we wear, or how much money we make, that proves whether we are a worthy person.
We must cherish the reason we gathered together in the first place. We gathered to celebrate the birth of Christ. We celebrated with our loved ones, our families. We gathered to cherish the many blessings we’ve been given. We gathered together to treat each other with kindness, respect and love. That’s what it’s all about. That is what really matters.
Sexually Explicit Book Endorsed by Planned Parenthood?
Last month I reviewed Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be, by Logan Levkoff, a book about teaching our children about sex. I loved Logan’s book because she offers advice and suggestions to parents on how to to talk to their kids about sex according to their values.
I believe Logan’s book is valuable to all parents, even those with strong religious beliefs, because it does not push a political or religious agenda and gives parents the facts and resources they’ll need to answer honestly when their children ask about sex.
Very recently, I was contacted by Michael Hichborn, the media director for American Life League. Michael was contacting pro-life and Catholic bloggers to ask if they would consider posting content and videos intended to shed light on several issues regarding abortion, sex and Planned Parenthood.
Before I agreed to do so, I asked what the content of each video would be, and when he sent the link to the first video I was surprised to learn that Planned Parenthood was endorsing a book titled It’s Perfectly Normal that displays sexually explicit cartoon images on it’s pages. The cover of the book states “for ages 10 and up”.
I played the video and at first thought the book was harmless — until I saw the images, as well as a sentence about masturbation that states, “And some religions call masturbation a sin. But masturbating cannot hurt you.” This statement upsets me because of it’s blatant attack on religion. Planned Parenthood couldn’t find a way to give factual information about masturbation without denouncing religion? If this isn’t a political agenda, I don’t know what is.
Many readers know that I’m an active member of the Catholic church. My beliefs regarding sex and abortion are based on my faith, therefore I personally could never use this book as a reference when talking to my son about sex.
Strip away the religion factor and what’s left is a book that is targeting children who may not be mature enough to understand the content.
This book definitely consists of mature, more adult-themed concepts. I would be extremely upset if this book was used in sexual education classes without parental consent, and even angrier if my son or daughter found this book in the school library. When will Planned Parenthood realize that parents have the right to determine what is best for their minor children?
I understand not all parents are able to discuss sex with their kids. I understand that children will contact others when they have questions they can’t ask their parents. But I feel that these “other persons” have a responsibility to talk to the parents, and let them know what is happening with their children, so they can make the effort to understand and answer their questions.
It’s disgusting to see reports about young girls having abortions without parental consent. It makes me sick that Planned Parenthood will perform an abortion, and not report all cases of statutory rape if they “don’t ask and don’t tell”. Enough is enough. Planned Parenthood has indeed gone too far.
I went to Amazon.com and read some of the book’s reviews by other parents.
JGM wrote:
“I didn’t have to read this book to know that it was far too much for my 11 year old daughter. If you believe that cartoon characters in explicit illustrations including people have missionary sex, oral sex, wearing condoms is appropriate for your age 9-11 year old child, then I would recommend you buy the book. However, if you believe that the subject should be dealt with sensitivity and a bit more seriousness, I would most certainly not recommend this ridiculous book. I returned the book to Amazon.”
V. Christensen wrote:
“This book is well done, but definitely too mature for my eleven year old son. I think it will be a good resource when he starts going through puberty. Not all the views expressed are those of my own, so I will always sit down with my son and go over this book together. There are a lot of graphic illustrations which may be too much for some families. I think it is well put together and can help answer some of those uncomfortable questions kids have. I recommend the book, but it should be accompanied by parental supervision and content awareness.”
QueenBean84 wrote:
“I started reading this book with my 9-year old son. At first I was embarrassed by the pictures and text. My son was perfectly fine! To him, it was just another science book! This books presents sexual information in a way that pre-teens can understand. I feel better knowing that my son got the correct information from me rather than incorrect information from his friends. I could not have done this without this book.”
(I think that if pictures in a book make a parent feel embarrassed, chances are it’s not appropriate to share with children. If I am (as a parent) not comfortable talking about sex to begin with, using a book with explicit information isn’t going to be any better. However, kudos to this mom for getting over her fear.)
But, what Ginger Parker wrote really struck me:
“When I was about 5 as a little girl I was playing at another kid’s house. That other kid was 5 years older and MUCH larger than me. She told me that she wanted to show me something and that it was a secret. I was excited about a “secret” and wanted to see. She led me into her room and closed and locked the door behind her. Her room was cluttered like any kids room and she pulled a book from underneath some small blankets on the floor. It was a book with cartoon pictures inside. They were cartoon drawings of boys and girls similar to the ones in this book. Some of those pictures included vague sexual activities. As a child I was curious about the book and in awe of what it showed. I was too young to understand all the words and I do not remember much of what I did understand. I remember reading the word sex, but that is the only one that I can confirm.
While viewing the book she said “I have an idea. Let’s try these!” and pointed to a man and a woman having sex in missionary position and another photo of a girl having oral sex performed by another man. I told her that I did not want to try those and that they did not make me feel comfortable.
Unfortunately the whole event is something that I remember in great detail to this day (21 years later). I will not go into great detail, but I was forced to perform those actions, among others shown in the book. To this day I can remember the smells and tastes and the physical pain as I was being hit and my hair pulled when not complying and to put me where she wanted me to be. I remember the weight of her body as she forced herself down upon me so hard that I could not get away or even move.
I had not put much thought into the incident in my adult years. I remember it, but did not feel the pain… until I saw this book. It is books like these that portray sex to children in such a way that they want to explore it aggressively for themselves. And if they cannot find cooperative partners they will make one. It could be the neighbor’s boy, it could be their sister, or their cousin. You may say, “No, not my child.”, but I believe that children will do very bad things sometimes because they don’t understand it. In this books case it would be condoned and therefore it might be ok to go farther because the people in the pictures were doing it.”
I understand that many people will have different opinions. Below is the video from the American Life League, as well as a copy of the press release.
American Life League releases video report on children’s sex book
WASHINGTON, D.C. · November 19, 2007 / PRNewswire / – “Parents need to know what Planned Parenthood has in store for their children and this report is an excellent starting point,” said Jim Sedlak, vice president of American Life League. “The book ‘It’s Perfectly Normal’ is obscene and offensive to Christians.”
American Life League’s second video report exposes the contents of the book “It’s Perfectly Normal.” Recently, a Washington State Prison rejected a fundraising letter that included censored images from the book for being “sexually explicit” and “obscene.”
American Life League released the report as a part of its continuing effort to educate the public on Planned Parenthood’s activities.
“This video report is just the beginning,” said Sedlak. “We will continue to use this new media to expose the nation’s largest abortion chain and we call on Christians across the nation to join us in putting a stop to tax payer funds for Planned Parenthood.”
For the truth about Planned Parenthood, check out these related links:
If you’d like to see what Planned Parenthood has to say about this book, you can find an interview with the author here.
I strongly recommend Logan Levkoff’s book, Third Base Ain’t What It Used to Be, if you’re looking for a resource to use when talking to your children about sex.
This post is intended to pass on the message that Planned Parenthood has gone too far with the endorsement of the book It’s Perfectly Normal. There are some great services that Planned Parenthood health centers provide, such as high-quality gynecological care, STI/STD testing and treatment, and pregnancy testing, and I believe that women are entitled to these services if they are unable to find them elsewhere.
However, I do not support abortion, distributing birth control pills to minors or the offering of emergency contraception. I understand, and accept, that not all persons reading this post will agree with my beliefs; please consider the nature of your comments before posting.
There’s been talk. A discussion. About having another baby.
I’ve been touching on this subject and then altogether avoiding it, back and forth, for months.
I do want another child. And for awhile, I knew the timing wasn’t right. There was always something that got in the way of actually getting down to business. (Like a child who sleeps in his parents’ bed — clever pun, yes?)
I’ve been making excuses for this situation forever. First, it was my new job (I’ve been working at Avada for seven months now), and then it was all the bills that needed paying, and then I said I wanted to lose a bunch of weight before getting pregnant, and then I said that I wanted to wait until Dawson was potty-trained, and then I realized I’m out of excuses.
So, Doug and I have been unofficially trying. Also known as the “whatever happens, happens” method, and so far no luck. I was kind of happy about this because I didn’t want to be pregnant at BlogHer. But now I’m kind of frustrated that I’m not magically pregnant.
Granted it’s never been easy for me to conceive (it took three years to get pregnant with Dawson).
The other day, I was on the phone with my mother and she made her usual statement that I shouldn’t wait too long to have another baby because then my kids will be too far apart and they won’t bond or they’ll fight constantly or something or other. I usually tune her out at this point. (Sorry Mom. I do. It’s too much stress.)
And finally I got frustrated and said, “Well what the hell am I supposed to do? Write a letter to my ovaries, demanding they release a viable egg? Or maybe I should write a letter to Doug’s sperm, including a mapquest map with directions to my freakin’ fallopian tubes?”
To which my sweet, Catholic mother replied, “Nooooooo….you should write a letter to GOD!”
I find it ironic that one of the nominated Best Religion Blogs of the Blogger’s Choice Awards is Atheists.org.
Pardon me for being blunt, but is Atheism really a religion?
If an atheist doesn’t believe in God and does not practice a set of beliefs involving devotional and ritual observances than how, exactly, can it be classified as a religion?
And for the record, if an atheist does not believe in God nor believes that Jesus Christ was the son of the same God they do not believe in, than why do they willingly accept the time off they receive for Christmas and Easter?
Sure, they may not be worshiping in a church or giving silent thanks to the Creator Himself, but why not go to work instead of basking in the luxury of time off because of the religious affiliations of those of us who do in fact practice a faith?
And when Atheists are blaspheming the very God I believe in (and calling it his or her right to do so) than why do they never understand why Christians become upset? And why are we expected to turn the other cheek and deal with the nasty comments, calling us foolish and naming us “religious fanatics”?
This country called America was founded under God and now all of a sudden it’s not okay to talk about Him. It’s not okay to say God Bless You or Peace Be With You because the non-believers become offended.
Well, I ask you; if you don’t believe in God, what is there to be offended about?
Dana Tuszke began her Mom career in 2004 after the birth of her son, Dawson the Demanding. She spends her days catering to the endless needs of a 3-year-old, vacuuming the never-ending trail of cookie crumbs in her living room, and suffering through too many episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants; all while working from home. More About Dana.
Contact: thedanafilesblog [at] gmail [dot] com RSS Feed
