April 13, 2010

Motherhood 2.0

In the last few days I’ve realized there is a difference between first-time motherhood and parenting a second child:  I am so much calmer this time around.

When Dawson was born I was a nervous new mom.  I never felt confident that I was “doing things right.”  I questioned every decision I made and worried about ridiculous things.  The funny thing is that everyone told me to just relax and trust my instincts, and this advice infuriated me, because I truly didn’t know if I had maternal instincts.

Sure, I have younger siblings and I spent many of my teen years babysitting, but it’s completely different when you have your own kids.  A baby’s needs and his survival are completely dependent upon you, at least until they learn how to walk, feed themselves, and wipe their own butts.

As soon as Dawson learned to roll over and eventually crawl, I became obsessed with childproofing and making sure nothing harmful would come in contact with him.  I sanitized toys.  If he dropped a spoon or fork I’d immediately wash it off or get him a new one.  I went through baby wipes faster than anyone I know.

It’s different with Owen.  I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I feel more confident in my parenting this time around.  I know it’s okay for him to fuss for a few minutes while I use the restroom (he LOVES to be held).  If his favorite toy falls on the living room floor I hand it back to him (unless it’s truly dirty of course).

My mom came over yesterday and commented on how good-natured Owen is.  She was amazed at how calm and happy he is.  ”He’s such a good baby,” she said.  ”He doesn’t cry about anything.”

I wanted to tell her to come over just before bedtime when he’s super fussy as he tries to fall asleep.  But I realized she’s right.  He is a much calmer baby.  I don’t want to compare my children because I know they are two amazing individuals.  I do want to point out that Dawson was a little more high strung and I think it’s because he could sense my anxiety.  Maybe Owen is content because I’m more relaxed and confident.

It seems as though firstborn children are the guinea pigs.  It’s almost unfair, yet truly, we learn to become parents with them.  They train us. Dawson made me a mother.  The lessons he has taught me have made me the caring and attentive parent that I am today.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve made mistakes with him that I won’t make with Owen.  My experiences with Dawson are like a check list.  Okay, I did this and that happened, and I won’t be handling things like that again.  I often wonder if Owen has an advantage in being second-born.  I have a better grasp on childrearing this go-round, and he reaps the benefits.

I know that’s crazy, because all that matters is I have two wonderful boys, each with their own awesome personalities.  Dawson is well-rounded and kind.  He has a fantastic sense of humor.  His smile lights up a room.  Owen is my little ham.  He giggles at his big brother’s antics.  He is fascinated with Murphy, our dog, and watches him with such intense concentration.

Yes, there truly are differences in raising one child versus two children, but one thing is the same:  both my babies love to cuddle with their mama.  Maybe I’m doing this parenting thing right after all.

November 3, 2009

Breastfeeding Sucks

Pun intended.

I smell like breast milk and baby poop.  Not every day, but most days.  Thankfully, I have a husband who allows me a few precious moments to shower and dress myself in clothes that are not sweat pants and old t-shirts.  But when he’s at work, I find myself in a constant cycle of nursing, changing diapers and trying my best not to neglect Dawson (which means I spend a lot of time telling him not to touch the baby, the dog or anything that could cause a mess).

Owen has gained 10 ounces in 7 days.  His weight check was yesterday and he is now 8 pounds, 8 ounces (and growing!) which is five ounces over his birth weight.  The nurse expected him to get back to 8 lbs. 3 oz., but she said she didn’t expect him to surpass it by that much.  Apparently newborns gain an average of 1 ounce a day.

The news that my baby is thriving was music to my ears, because the last two weeks of breastfeeding have been torture.  My poor nipples are sore.  I feel like I’m nursing a baby shark.  Or a barracuda.  This child has the strongest latch ever, and we had some latch problems initially.  When I met with a lactation nurse, she gave me a nipple shield to use, and it works great — but then she told me to wean from using it after a week or so, and all hell broke loose.

I spent more time crying, less time enjoying nursing, and poor Owen was sensing my anxiety and refused to latch onto my bare nipple.  After talking to friends (one who has a baby two weeks older than Owen) I learned that it’s okay to use the shield a little longer, as long as the baby is gaining weight.  After I gave myself permission to use the nipple shield, I relaxed a bit and so far Owen is now latching onto my nipples much easier.

I know this is more information than y’all need to know, but if I don’t get this down, I’ll forget that we are indeed making progress in the feeding department.

It’s hard to believe that my baby is 17 days old.  It feels like ages ago that I gave birth.  Those first few days were hard.  My emotions were out of whack, as well as my hormones.  I spent five days crying about anything and everything.  Mostly, I felt guilty for not having as much time to spend with Dawson.  I felt like I was neglecting him, or taking something away from him.

In reality, Dawson loves his baby brother so much.  Not a day goes by that he isn’t asking if he can hold him, kiss him or hug him.  He thinks Owen is the best, and he loves to entertain him by making funny faces and dancing around the living room.

Of course, it’s not all roses.  Dawson is still adjusting to the big change, and he doesn’t understand that he can’t run, jump and yell like he used to.  Now we have to be a little quieter so that baby Owen can sleep.  If I had a dime for every time I said “Shh!  Be quiet!” I could pay off my mortgage.

Someone, please tell me it will get easier.  I feel like I’m on repeat, saying and doing the same things over and over again.

Also, I’m afraid to leave the house.  I’m not so good at nursing in public yet, so I’ve been pumping a bit of milk and taking a bottle with me on trips to the doctor or grocery store.  I left Owen with Doug for an hour to take Dawson Trick or Treating, and my husband was a trooper.  Owen cried for a bit, but Doug managed to feed him the pumped milk from a bottle.  Baby Jaws wasn’t so happy about it, but he survived.

So that’s how things are for now.  We’re hanging in there.  Hopefully I’ll be able to blog more often now that I’m getting into a bit of a routine!

August 11, 2009

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I’ve had a day.  A big FAT horrible day.

Okay.  So maybe I’m exaggerating.  A little.  But honestly, I’ve been a ball of stress and crazy for most of the day.

It started out on the wrong foot because I stayed up too late the night before (because I took a nap yesterday, and it screwed up my sleep schedule), and this morning I had to wake up early because Dawson had his first dentist appointment, scheduled for 9 a.m., which meant waking him up at 7:30 to get him bathed and dressed and his teeth brushed (twice).

When we arrived at Dr. Tim’s office, Dawson was very reluctant.  We opened the door and my shy little boy grabbed my hand and said, “Mom.  I’m scared.”  It nearly broke my heart, because when I looked into his eyes, I saw the fear.  He didn’t know what to expect, even though I prepped him days in advance, saying that Dr. Tim only wanted to count his teeth.

I filled out the required paperwork, and gave the receptionist the school district medical forms for Dr. Tim to fill out (which was the reason for this first visit.  The 4K program requires a dental exam).  The we waited patiently for our turn.

Dawson occupied himself with the kid’s area.  He found the Legos and began constructing weapons of mass destruction.  He’s in a gun phase right now.  Everything in his path can be converted into a gun, and Dawson is all about pretending to be a police officer or FBI agent and arresting and shooting the bad guys.  It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him that guns can be dangerous and that we do not go around shooting anyone, he still makes little gunshot noises and tells me that he had to shoot the bad guy because the bad guy shot first.  I really hope he outgrows this phase soon.  (And my husband tells me this is normal, that it’s a typical 5-year-old boy “thing”…)

The hygienist called us back shortly after that, and she led the way to the exam room with the television in it.  She asked Dawson which cartoons he liked best, and of course, my son tells her Spongebob.  She managed to find an episode for him to watch, and then began warming up to Dawson.  She asked if she could put the dental bib around his neck, and showed him how she fastened the clips.  Then Dr. Tim came in.

Dr. Tim commented on Dawson’s Lightning McQueen shoes and made other kid friendly small talk.  Dawson was still a bit apprehensive, but he agreed to let Dr. Tim count his teeth.  I was so impressed with my son.  He opened his mouth when asked, and listened to what the dentist had to say.  Occasionally he’d put his hands to his face, which is what he does when he’s shy and wants to hide; but he didn’t cry and he didn’t have a meltdown like I expected.  I realized in that moment that I hadn’t given my little boy enough credit.  He was very cooperative.

Dr. Tim and I went to high school together, so I felt very calm and comfortable with the procedure because I’ve known him for several years.  He told me he would try to clean Dawson’s teeth, but then he changed his mind when he saw that Dawson had four (yes, four!) cavities.  I felt so awful because I help Dawson brush his teeth every morning and every night.

But Dr. Tim assured me the cavities weren’t due to eating excess sugars or sweets, and that each cavity only had “limited decay” meaning they weren’t as bad as some of the cavities he’s seen in his practice.  He explained that children have weaker enamel than adults, and they eat more frequently at that age, which means more sugars are deposited on the teeth.  Also, he said, Dawson has tighter spacing between teeth making it harder to floss and the cavities he had were between his teeth.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him we don’t push the flossing unless we want to lose a finger.  Dawson is not so keen on fingers in his mouth.

Our dentist referred us to a pediatric dentist to fix the cavities, because he didn’t feel that Dawson was ready for convential dentistry just yet, and because kids remember traumatic events, he didn’t want to make the experience a negative one.  A pediatric dentis would meet with our son first, and then decided which method was best for our son’s personality.  That was very reassuring.  Our next appointment is in three weeks with the new dentist.  Once Dawson is more confortable with going to the dentist, Dr. Tim would be happy to have him as a patient.

Our dentist visit was easy compared to the rest of the day.  Dawson has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon (also required before he can go to school) and when I was looking in his medical file, I noticed he is due for his 5-year-old immunizations this September 16th (his birthday).

Since the school district requires that these be completed before he can attend his first day of school, I called the doctor’s office and asked if they could give him the shots at tomorrow’s appointment instead of making me wait until after his birthday.

The receptionist was a pain in the ass.  She told me they may or may not be able to immunize, that it depends on several factors.  I asked what those factors might be.

“Well, some of the vaccines can only be given after the child has turned five years old,” she told me.

I explained that Dawson would be five in less than 21 days, and asked if it was really going to be that big of a deal to give him the four required shots early.

“You’ll have to speak to the doctor about that,” she said.

I asked to speak to Dr. Reed or her nurse and was told she was unavailable.  I asked for a call-back and was told they may not be able to call me until tomorrow.  His appointment is tomorrow, I told her, and she didn’t seem to care.  Then I asked if she could at least write in his medical chart that I preferred to have immunizations done at tomorrow’s appointment.  She sighed and told me she’d have to order the file from upstairs and because I was calling in the middle of the day, it might not get down to the office in time.  I was starting to get really frustrated.

I just don’t understand what the big fat deal is.  All this run-around over 21 days?  For the love of Earth, he needs four simple vaccinations!

When I told Doug what happened he was miffed.  We agreed they were probably trying to make one appointment into two appointments so that they could bill more money to our insurance.  It’s a freaking crock.  I am so upset.  I think I may call again first thing tomorrow morning to try this again.  I refused to come back next month when they can damn well complete everything tomorrow.

The rest of the day was just nuts.  Dawson was very demanding while I was trying to get work done.  He wouldn’t stop talking, whining, running, jumping, yelling, and harrassing the dog.  I cannot tell you how many times I said the words, “Leave! The Dog! Alone!”

The boy just wouldn’t listen.  And then!  THEN! He spilled water on my laptop when he was running around the living room like a screaming banshee. I freaked out, yelled at him and then realized the laptop was closed, so no real damage was done.  But seriously?  I was pissed.  More mad than ever, especially because I told him to settle down several times.

Dawson was crying.  I was crying.  Then he told me he didn’t think I loved him anymore.  I cried harder.  I told him I loved him more than he would ever know, and that sometimes mommies get mad when little boys don’t listen, and that doesn’t mean we don’t love our little boys.  He said he was sorry.  I said I was sorry.  Then we hugged.

It was just one of those insane days.  I really hope tomorrow is better.

December 7, 2007

Website Review: Care.com

Since Thanksgiving, I’ve been running around like a headless chicken. My list of to-do’s is longer than the Nile river and I can’t seem to find the time to get any of it done.

Work has been exceptionally busy. It’s the end of the year and everyone wants to get all their medical needs taken care of before Christmas, I suppose.

My house is a disaster. I haven’t had time to clean it. I keep shuffling papers and magazines and opened letters (bills) from room to room, desperately trying to find time to remember to do something with all this stuff.

I still haven’t finished my Christmas shopping. I’m not certain when I’ll be able to get ‘er done, unless I find someone to watch Dawson — because Heaven knows I can’t take him to Target with me, lest I want to give in to every demand for the latest toys on the shelves.

It’s sad to say I haven’t even found the time to blog. I can’t believe it. I always found some time to blog — at least once a week, at worst!

And then my car broke down. I can’t even rehash that whole misadventure. All I can say is that I’ve been carless for a week, and I’m borrowing my sixteen year old brother’s Chevy Malibu and it’s a lot bigger than my flirty Focus.

I’m at my wit’s end! I need some help!

Then, I was clued in to a new site, Care.com which offers brilliant services for mega busy moms like me. Care.com allows me to find service providers for child care, pet care, senior care, as well as tutoring. As a working mother, I find it difficult to find reliable childcare when my main caregiver needs a day off or goes on vacation, so this site sounded promising.

I enrolled in a free trial of the site’s features, and began searching for babysitters in my area who may have posted profiles. I only discovered three listings, but this is mostly because I live in a small town as opposed to a bigger city like New York or San Francisco with oodles of resources.

The great thing about Care.com is that I can find a child care provider by zip code, select the best applicant based on certain criteria like, “Non-smoker, with own transportation, comfortable with pets, and a toddler prone to tantrums.”

Once I find the person suitable for the job, I can view his or her profile, contact details, background checks and references, and the number of hours the applicant is available — such as full-time, part-time, evenings or weekends.

I was happy to discover two of the providers are students at our local university. One person is majoring in Early Childhood Education, and the other in Child Psychology, and each person has over five years of experience working with preschool children.

Unfortunately these students will be going home for the holidays once the semester is over in a few weeks, but I’m thinking I’ll need someone to occupy Dawson after the new year so I can regain my sanity. And get my butt back to the gym!

However, once nice feature of the site is that I can post a job listing detailing my specific needs in addition to using the search tools to find care providers who match my criteria.

I love that Care.com also offers pet care, and one young woman in my area would love to pet sit for Murphy next Saturday while we’re visiting relatives out of town. I’m just worried she won’t want to give back our beloved Boston when we return!

If you’d like to learn more about Care.com, check out the FAQs. To enroll and receive a complimentary 3-month membership, click here! I think it’s a wonderful resource parents, pet owners, and others who need someone to care for their loved ones. I encourage you to check it out.

Now, if only I could find someone to clean my house and sort through all this mail!!