October 13, 2007

Six Years Ago, On This Day

Six years ago, I married the man who never fails to make me laugh, the man that always does the laundry and never complains about it, the man who loves to cook as long as he doesn’t have to do the dishes (but often does them anyway), and the only man I could ever picture having children with.

A bed of roses, our marriage is not, but my husband helps remove the thorns (especially the ones on my arse. I’d do the same for him, but his arse is much hairier).

All kidding aside, I adore you, Douglas. Even when you drive me batshit crazy over ridiculous things, I still love you more than I ever imagined a woman could love a man.

Six years ago, this exact date — Saturday, October 13th — we pledged our love for one another. We made our vows to love, honor and cherish each other until death.

(Holy heck, that’s a long time.)

I love you, Goofball. Happy Anniversary.

October 9, 2007

Random Blurbs

I feel like I’ve been away from this blog for months. Even though I’ve been posting, I think you all deserve better than photos and generic little paragraphs telling you how busy I am. Heck. We’re all busy. I know that. But please bear with me as I spill my guts. I promise; better posts will come!

My house is a disaster. I don’t think I’ve done any real cleaning since Dawson’s birthday party almost a month ago. When I woke up this morning I had a terrible headache because I realized there were several hundred thousand toys scattered between the living room and Dawson’s bedroom and I haven’t cared enough to pick them up.

Dawson hasn’t been feeling well since yesterday. His daycare person told me he complained about a stomach ache and that his head felt very warm. When she took his temperature he cried the entire time, but her reading was only 100 degrees. Sure, it’s warm, but not necessarily cause for concern.

On the way home Dawson said, “Mumma, I has a headache on my arm.”

I chuckled a little because I’m sure he’s heard me say that I have headaches quite often, and he probably assumes when something hurts it’s a headache. Even on his little arm.

He fell asleep in my arms last night while we were watching Dancing with the Stars. Each time I tried to put him in his bed he’d wake up, whimper and say, “I just wanna hold you, Mumma.”

How can I say no to that?

Today he’s home with Daddy and I do hope whatever his ailment is, that it leaves his body soon.

Work has been a constant game of catch up. I’ve got stacks of paperwork on my desk and I can’t seem to talk myself into getting down to business. I’m still tired from the weekend and I realized that I barely get six hours of sleep each night. I know many people survive on less, but I’m such a grizzly bear if I haven’t had eight hours of shuteye. Perhaps I’m suffering from perpetual overtiredness. (I know that probably isn’t a word.)

Doug and I will celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary on Saturday. Six years isn’t a very long time but it sure feels like sixty. Hard to believe we were young and foolish once upon a time. Now we’re older (obviously) and wiser (maybe) and have loads of responsibility. Like housework and bills and child rearing.

I decided to take Friday off and tackle the chores. Dawson’s room is the worst. Anyone have any great tips for keeping a toddler’s room clean and organized? I’ve already tried to create a playroom in the basement for most of the toys, but we still end up with Little People and several million matchbox cars (or maybe they’re hotwheels) on the floor everywhere we look. Sometimes I think those little people procreate in the night.

Friday evening, Doug is taking me out to dinner. Nothing fancy as he claims he can’t afford me anymore. I told him I’m worth it and if he needs to take out a loan I’m okay with that.

Saturday afternoon, Dawson and I are going on a date. We’ve got tickets to see Go! Diego! Go! Live! in Appleton and we’re going to visit the Arboretum, the Fox Cities Children’s Museum and the Houdini Museum as well. It should be a fun day. Doug is stuck working because he used vacation days to come to Green Lake with me. It’s a trade-off I was willing to make.

So there you have it, all the things I’ve tried to say but never found the time. Also, I’ve been slacking on reading blogs the last two weeks. I am doing my best to get back on track. I miss you all!

May 28, 2006

Our Engagement

Six years ago, on May 26, 2000, my husband proposed to me. I remember the night as if it were yesterday.

We had gone to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Water Street Grille. We loved that place. We knew the owner Craig very well. He always seated us at our “regular” table and if it was in use, he’d buy us a drink at the bar until it was ready. When we sat down to order, our waitress, Karen asked if I was going to have “the usual”. This was the Baby Back Ribs with garlic mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables and the starter salad with ranch dressing. I nodded and she looked over at Doug. He ordered the blackened ribeye. We had a wonderful dinner. We talked about the weather, about my volleyball team that played on Wednesday nights at Zenoff park and we discussed going to Lake DuBay for Memorial Day as Doug’s friends were camping up there for the weekend.

After dinner we went back to my father’s tavern to have a few drinks and see other friends of ours. Deb was bartending and I sat on the corner of the L-shaped bar and talked to her, while Doug participated in a game of darts with three other patrons, Rusty, Tom & Jimmy.

As we were all mingling, Doug sat down by me for a moment and his pal Rusty said, “So, Doug when are you gonna get married?” Doug looked at him and sarcastically said, “I’m never EVER getting married. What for?” He always joked about the topic and that night I’d had enough of it. I looked at Doug and said, “We’ve been dating for two years! Seriously, if we don’t get married, we should just break up now!” He didn’t flinch, he didn’t crack a smile. He just got up and walked to the dart board for his turn.

This frustrated me and I felt like a complete idiot. I got up, grabbed my purse and walked out. I only lived two doors away and decided to go home. Doug followed me out and said, “What the heck is your problem? I was only kidding!!” I didn’t believe him. “You didn’t sound like you were kidding…” I said. “You sounded pretty darn serious to me.”

He begged me to calm down and to come for a walk with him. At first I refused. I was really mad. He convinced me to “just come on, let’s walk to the park.” I agreed.

Pfiffner park was about four blocks from the bar. As we walked, I began to tear up. Millions of thoughts ran through my head. He doesn’t want to marry me. I’m not good enough for him. He’s got someone else. What a waste of two years. I really love him. This went on for what seemed like forever. He tried to hold my hand but I pulled away.

“How was your dinner?” Doug asked.

“Fine.” I said hotly.

“Dana, you know I love you.” he said, as he grabbed my hand again.

“You have a funny way of showing it.” I retorted.

We got to the park. It was dark, about 9 p.m. and I sat down at a picnic table. Doug sat next to me and I looked away from him.

“Look at me…” he said. “I love you.”

I didn’t move. Suddenly he knelt down before me. I panicked. He’s gonna propose now? I thought. That son-of-a-bitch. He cant’ do it NOW.

“Dana, you’re the only girl I’ve truly loved and I do want to spend the rest of my life with you.” he said.

I started crying. I felt him grabbing my right hand. “What are you doing?” I shrieked.

“Nothing,” he said. “I just want to hold your hands.”

He took my right hand in his and leaned forward to kiss me. Suddenly, he slipped something on to my left hand that was on my lap. I panicked. I freaked out. I was still mad at him. I was still MAD at him for being such a jackass earlier.

“Either that’s a piece of tin on my finger or your in BIG trouble.” I said.

“Dana, will you marry me?” he asked. Silence, followed by crying on my part. I just sat there crying.

“I can’t believe you just pissed me off and then proposed to me? What am I going to tell my grandchildren?” I cried.

“So, is that a yes?” he asked. I nodded. But it was dark and he couldn’t see it.

“I’m nodding.” I said.

We hugged and kissed and walked back to the bar. He told me along the way that his plan was to ask me at Lake DuBay on Monday, but he didn’t want me to wise to his idea, so he thought that making the joke about not getting married would throw me off. But he realized he couldn’t wait that long and decided to ask me that moment in the park.

Pretty crazy story, huh? I still can’t believe he made me MAD first. How nuts! This is why we’re perfect for each other. We’re both a little goofy.

May 25, 2006

The Big Fight

My husband and I got into a fight last night. Because I wasn’t in ‘the mood”. I haven’t been in “the mood” in a week or so. And I feel bad about this. I do. I want to be a loving and caring wife. I just can’t turn on the “hormones” like a light switch. And he doesn’t understand that.

Ever since I started taking a particular medication, I don’t feel like “me”. I mean, I know I’m still Dana, but some crazy feelings and thoughts are coming to reside in my mind.

I feel a little nuts. Okay, a lot nuts. And this is the first time I’ve been able to blog about it.

I’m a little mad at Doug for making me feel guilty for not wanting to participate in sex. It’s hard enough for me to change my mindset when a mind altering drug is coursing through my veins.

I know there are other people who go through this, but I still feel like it shouldn’t “happen” to me.

Anxiety is a bitch. Stress is a mother…you-know-what. And I’m doing everything my doctor prescribed. Change my diet, maintain my exercise regime and take your medication.

But you know something? What if it’s all in vain? What if, what I need is an attitude adjustment? I just don’t know. Indecision really sucks.