November 4, 2010

Bullies on the Bus

I got a call at work this afternoon from the nurse at Dawson’s school.  It seems my little boy was feeling sick and wanted to come home.  The nurse explained he didn’t have a fever but had said his stomach and head hurt.  The flu had been going around and she was concerned he may have been coming down with it.

When I arrived to pick him up, Dawson looked sad and worried.  I asked if he was feeling okay and he simply shook his head.  We walked from the nurse’s office to his classroom so that he could get his coat and backpack.  His teacher stopped to talk to me in the hallway.

Mrs. T made mention that Dawson was feeling some anxiety about riding the bus home from school.  I knew exactly what she was talking about.  A few weeks ago, Dawson told me some of the older kids (fourth and fifth graders) on the bus were poking him in the back of the head and calling him names.  Being a Love & Logic parent, I told Dawson how sad I was to hear this and asked him what he thought he could do about it.

After talking it over, he decided he would tell the bus driver if things got out of hand, and he would try to sit in the front of the bus whenever possible.  Dawson is the last one on the bus in the morning, so all the seats at the front are usually taken and he makes his way to the back where the naughty kids wreck havoc.

I discussed the situation with his teacher and she explained that Dawson becomes nervous just before the end of the day.  She thinks he may be worrying about the bus ride and it’s making him feel sick.  It broke my heart to hear these words.  The thought of my son enduring such torment is frustrating and infuriating.  I honestly had no idea it was causing him such anxiety.

Dawson is a polite child and he’s painfully shy.  He doesn’t cause trouble.  He doesn’t fight. He doesn’t talk back.  He will sit quietly and ignore anyone who intends to bring him harm.  This child has more patience than any adult I know.  I try to teach him to stand up for himself, to use descriptive words to tell the bullies that he doesn’t like what they are doing.  I’ve told him to politely ask them to stop.  Dawson tells me he did tell them to quit bothering him but it sounds like the bad behavior is persisting.

After school I called the school bus garage and left a message for the bus driver.  When she returned the call she told me that Dawson is one of the best kids on the bus.  He never yells or causes a distraction.  He always says hello and goodbye to her when getting on and off the bus.  She also told me she has been keeping an eye on the situation to the best of her ability, but that driving children safely to their destination is her first priority so she can’t always see everything that goes on.  I told her I understood; I know the drill.  My mother has been a school bus driver for 23 years.

The plan is to save a seat in the front of the bus for Dawson so that he doesn’t have to deal with the rotten kids in the back.  I’m so mad at those kids.  Shame on them for picking on someone littler than they are.  I am so upset that they cause my son so much anxiety.  It brings back memories of the same crap happening to me when I was in elementary school. I never fought back, I was too scared.  I often cried all the way home.

I sure hope this arrangement doesn’t single Dawson out and cause more teasing, but I don’t know what else to do.

October 2, 2010

The Queen of Chaos

I’ve been trying to read a book for months.  This book to be exact (the authors are from my hometown.  You remember Mimi Bobeck, right?).  But with two boys who keep me insanely busy, I barely make it through a chapter before someone’s diaper needs changing or someone else needs to be fed.

When I’m Queen of My Own Life, I will rule that I be given two straight hours each day to read.  Considering I have a stack of books on my end table that I’d love to read, and magazines piling up in every corner of every room, I’ll probably need a full work day each week to catch up.  My husband will just have to deal with the diaper changing, the picking up of the toys, the constant yelling and craziness.

I just got the new issue of New York Magazine and haven’t had the chance to read about The Social Network, which is on the cover.  I’m not sure I want to watch this movie.  Anyone see it yet?  I love me some Facebook (hello, I’m on it every damn day), but do I really care about Mark Zuckerberg or whatever his name is?

It’s weird that Hollywood is making movies about social media.  I can’t wait for them to make a movie about Twitter.

Okay.  These kids of mine are whining.  The only think I’m queen of is chaos.  So much for blogging.

April 13, 2010

Motherhood 2.0

In the last few days I’ve realized there is a difference between first-time motherhood and parenting a second child:  I am so much calmer this time around.

When Dawson was born I was a nervous new mom.  I never felt confident that I was “doing things right.”  I questioned every decision I made and worried about ridiculous things.  The funny thing is that everyone told me to just relax and trust my instincts, and this advice infuriated me, because I truly didn’t know if I had maternal instincts.

Sure, I have younger siblings and I spent many of my teen years babysitting, but it’s completely different when you have your own kids.  A baby’s needs and his survival are completely dependent upon you, at least until they learn how to walk, feed themselves, and wipe their own butts.

As soon as Dawson learned to roll over and eventually crawl, I became obsessed with childproofing and making sure nothing harmful would come in contact with him.  I sanitized toys.  If he dropped a spoon or fork I’d immediately wash it off or get him a new one.  I went through baby wipes faster than anyone I know.

It’s different with Owen.  I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I feel more confident in my parenting this time around.  I know it’s okay for him to fuss for a few minutes while I use the restroom (he LOVES to be held).  If his favorite toy falls on the living room floor I hand it back to him (unless it’s truly dirty of course).

My mom came over yesterday and commented on how good-natured Owen is.  She was amazed at how calm and happy he is.  ”He’s such a good baby,” she said.  ”He doesn’t cry about anything.”

I wanted to tell her to come over just before bedtime when he’s super fussy as he tries to fall asleep.  But I realized she’s right.  He is a much calmer baby.  I don’t want to compare my children because I know they are two amazing individuals.  I do want to point out that Dawson was a little more high strung and I think it’s because he could sense my anxiety.  Maybe Owen is content because I’m more relaxed and confident.

It seems as though firstborn children are the guinea pigs.  It’s almost unfair, yet truly, we learn to become parents with them.  They train us. Dawson made me a mother.  The lessons he has taught me have made me the caring and attentive parent that I am today.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve made mistakes with him that I won’t make with Owen.  My experiences with Dawson are like a check list.  Okay, I did this and that happened, and I won’t be handling things like that again.  I often wonder if Owen has an advantage in being second-born.  I have a better grasp on childrearing this go-round, and he reaps the benefits.

I know that’s crazy, because all that matters is I have two wonderful boys, each with their own awesome personalities.  Dawson is well-rounded and kind.  He has a fantastic sense of humor.  His smile lights up a room.  Owen is my little ham.  He giggles at his big brother’s antics.  He is fascinated with Murphy, our dog, and watches him with such intense concentration.

Yes, there truly are differences in raising one child versus two children, but one thing is the same:  both my babies love to cuddle with their mama.  Maybe I’m doing this parenting thing right after all.

March 15, 2010

They Say It’s Spring

It was a beautiful day in Wisconsin.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the temperatures were in the high 50s.  As my father-in-law would say, “It’s a bluebird day.”

It didn’t exactly start out on the right foot, however.  We forgot about daylight savings time and woke up at 9:00 a.m. thinking we had over an hour to make it to church on time.  It wasn’t until I checked e-mails and noticed my laptop clock had the new time adjusted.  I ran to the shower and started hollering at Doug to get his butt up and ready.  I knew I’d need helping getting Owen and Dawson ready, too.

We made it to Mass at 10:30 on the dot and resigned to sitting at the very back.  Not a single pew was available so we sat in the gathering space (a fancy term for foyer, I imagine) and could barely hear Father speaking.  All the more reason to be quiet and listen intently.  I managed to catch most of the homily.

Post worship we took both cars to the gas station for refueling because we had a grocery store perk card that would give us 80 cents off per gallon.  I love saving money!  Two vehicles full of gas for under $40 is amazing.

Back home I fed Owen and then Dawson found a Star Wars marathon on Spike TV.  He was dead to the world, glued to the TV.  I had to drag him outside to ride his bike while I pushed Owen in the jogging stroller.  We walked to the park and took the hiking path down to the Little Plover River.  Owen loved being outside and fell asleep half way to the playground.

Once we returned home I played soccer in the backyard with Dawson.  He loves to dribble the ball and shoot it into the net I got him for his birthday last September.  He’s getting really good with his soccer skills.  He starts spring soccer at the YMCA next month.  I’m so glad it will be warmer this time around.  Fall soccer was so cold last season.

Here are some fave photos from today:

It was a beautiful Sunday!  I love Spring!