April 13, 2010

Motherhood 2.0

In the last few days I’ve realized there is a difference between first-time motherhood and parenting a second child:  I am so much calmer this time around.

When Dawson was born I was a nervous new mom.  I never felt confident that I was “doing things right.”  I questioned every decision I made and worried about ridiculous things.  The funny thing is that everyone told me to just relax and trust my instincts, and this advice infuriated me, because I truly didn’t know if I had maternal instincts.

Sure, I have younger siblings and I spent many of my teen years babysitting, but it’s completely different when you have your own kids.  A baby’s needs and his survival are completely dependent upon you, at least until they learn how to walk, feed themselves, and wipe their own butts.

As soon as Dawson learned to roll over and eventually crawl, I became obsessed with childproofing and making sure nothing harmful would come in contact with him.  I sanitized toys.  If he dropped a spoon or fork I’d immediately wash it off or get him a new one.  I went through baby wipes faster than anyone I know.

It’s different with Owen.  I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I feel more confident in my parenting this time around.  I know it’s okay for him to fuss for a few minutes while I use the restroom (he LOVES to be held).  If his favorite toy falls on the living room floor I hand it back to him (unless it’s truly dirty of course).

My mom came over yesterday and commented on how good-natured Owen is.  She was amazed at how calm and happy he is.  ”He’s such a good baby,” she said.  ”He doesn’t cry about anything.”

I wanted to tell her to come over just before bedtime when he’s super fussy as he tries to fall asleep.  But I realized she’s right.  He is a much calmer baby.  I don’t want to compare my children because I know they are two amazing individuals.  I do want to point out that Dawson was a little more high strung and I think it’s because he could sense my anxiety.  Maybe Owen is content because I’m more relaxed and confident.

It seems as though firstborn children are the guinea pigs.  It’s almost unfair, yet truly, we learn to become parents with them.  They train us. Dawson made me a mother.  The lessons he has taught me have made me the caring and attentive parent that I am today.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve made mistakes with him that I won’t make with Owen.  My experiences with Dawson are like a check list.  Okay, I did this and that happened, and I won’t be handling things like that again.  I often wonder if Owen has an advantage in being second-born.  I have a better grasp on childrearing this go-round, and he reaps the benefits.

I know that’s crazy, because all that matters is I have two wonderful boys, each with their own awesome personalities.  Dawson is well-rounded and kind.  He has a fantastic sense of humor.  His smile lights up a room.  Owen is my little ham.  He giggles at his big brother’s antics.  He is fascinated with Murphy, our dog, and watches him with such intense concentration.

Yes, there truly are differences in raising one child versus two children, but one thing is the same:  both my babies love to cuddle with their mama.  Maybe I’m doing this parenting thing right after all.

March 15, 2010

They Say It’s Spring

It was a beautiful day in Wisconsin.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the temperatures were in the high 50s.  As my father-in-law would say, “It’s a bluebird day.”

It didn’t exactly start out on the right foot, however.  We forgot about daylight savings time and woke up at 9:00 a.m. thinking we had over an hour to make it to church on time.  It wasn’t until I checked e-mails and noticed my laptop clock had the new time adjusted.  I ran to the shower and started hollering at Doug to get his butt up and ready.  I knew I’d need helping getting Owen and Dawson ready, too.

We made it to Mass at 10:30 on the dot and resigned to sitting at the very back.  Not a single pew was available so we sat in the gathering space (a fancy term for foyer, I imagine) and could barely hear Father speaking.  All the more reason to be quiet and listen intently.  I managed to catch most of the homily.

Post worship we took both cars to the gas station for refueling because we had a grocery store perk card that would give us 80 cents off per gallon.  I love saving money!  Two vehicles full of gas for under $40 is amazing.

Back home I fed Owen and then Dawson found a Star Wars marathon on Spike TV.  He was dead to the world, glued to the TV.  I had to drag him outside to ride his bike while I pushed Owen in the jogging stroller.  We walked to the park and took the hiking path down to the Little Plover River.  Owen loved being outside and fell asleep half way to the playground.

Once we returned home I played soccer in the backyard with Dawson.  He loves to dribble the ball and shoot it into the net I got him for his birthday last September.  He’s getting really good with his soccer skills.  He starts spring soccer at the YMCA next month.  I’m so glad it will be warmer this time around.  Fall soccer was so cold last season.

Here are some fave photos from today:

It was a beautiful Sunday!  I love Spring!

February 26, 2010

He’s a Rebel

I think that Dawson is testing me.  He wants to exert control over his life, at the ripe age of 5, and perhaps he’s just dipping his toes into the waters of rebelliousness, to see what he can get away with.

Every day is difficult.  He does not want to listen to anything I have to say.  Asking him to pick up his toys when he’s finished playing with them causes him to emit a scream that sounds like someone is dying.  I’m certain the whole block can hear this wrenching noise.  One day, very soon, cops will be called to the scene of whatever murder the neighborhood thinks is taking place.

This morning he refused to put on his shoes.  I told him repeatedly that time’s a waistin’ and that the bus would be pulling into the driveway at any moment.  My son told me, “THE BUS IS NOT HERE YET! I DON’T NEED TO PUT MY SHOES ON!”

When I saw the bus coming down the street and no shoes on the boy’s feet I yelled, “THE BUS IS HERE! WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?”

And my child started to freak out, running around, looking for his shoes.  I had to help him put them on because at that moment he was so frantic he didn’t know where his feet were.

I told him to run quickly to the bus and when I saw him walking solemnly, slowly, I felt a pang of frustration in my chest.  The child will give me a heart attack one day.  I just know it.

Things have been less than great here for a few months.  Right after Owen was born, Dawson seemed to adjust well to having a baby brother.  He loves Owen so much and he can’t stop hugging and kissing him.  But I notice that when I’m nursing the baby or changing his diaper, Dawson begins to act up.  I’m well aware this is a play for my attention and I try to respond lovingly, but I can only handle so much insanity before I crack.

I want to give my boys equal attention, but I have an infant who depends solely on me, and a 5-year-old who just wants me to acknowledge what he’s saying and doing, and I don’t know how to balance it all.

It doesn’t help matters that Doug is working many hours to keep our financial boat afloat.  With me not working money has become very tight.  We are now uber frugal and I carry most of the stress of balancing the budget and making sure our needs our met.  It’s difficult to be alone with two cranky kids for many long hours with no break.

(On the job front:  I’ve sent a few resumes out and made several follow-up calls only to find out these companies are still involved in the hiring process.  I’m praying for an interview.  I’m lucky to have had this time home with Owen, but I don’t believe I was meant to be a SAHM forever.  It’s time to go back to work, not only for financial sake but for my sanity’s sake as well. I love my children so much and I’m happy to be with them for now.  And perhaps winter is making us all crazy.)

I think Dawson needs more time to play with friends, too.  He’s cooped up with me and Owen and has so much energy (he’s resorted to burning it by chasing the dog, which drives me nuts).  Thankfully, soccer clinic starts tomorrow.  He’ll see his old pals and have some fun.  Let’s just hope I don’t have to beg him to put on his shoes!

February 22, 2010

Laughter and Tears

Saturday, Owen’s cold was so awful that he had a fever of 103.1 degrees.  I panicked, of course, and called my mother for advice.

Since my younger sister and brother still live at home with my parents, they often answer the telephone.  One of them looked at the Caller ID, saw my phone number and gave the phone to Dawson who was staying with my parents for the weekend.

The phone rang once and I heard my sister say, “Dawson, it’s for you.”  She passed the cordless to him.

“Hello?”  Dawson said.

“Hi Dawson, it’s Mom.  Can I talk to Grandma, please?” I asked.

My little boy, funny child that he is, yelled at his aunt, “It’s not for me! It’s for Grandma, you twit!”

I laughed and laughed until my mother got on the phone, and she was laughing, too.  The two of us were in tears over the situation.

“Where did he learn the word ‘twit’?” I asked.

“Probably from Auntie Rachel!” Mom howled.

My mother then told me that she was talking to my brother earlier in the day, and Frankie was giving her a hard time about his curfew.  She told him if he didn’t like the rules he was more than welcome to move out and pay rent.

“I told Frankie he had no room to talk when he’s living here rent-free, and Dawson said, ‘Grandma, he has a room!’” she said, laughing.

After the laughter subsided, I asked my mom what to do about the fever and she suggested infant Tylenol and a cold washcloth on his forehead to keep him from overheating.  I had already given him a dose of the infant medicine but had not considered the washcloth.  She told me to try that and to call the weekend care phone number at the clinic.

The nurse suggested the same things my mother had, and it’s nice to know that I can still rely on my mom, even when I’m in panic mode.  It’s been a long time since Dawson has had a fever, so I’m not surprised I had forgotten all the remedies.

Thankfully, Owen’s fever dropped down to 100.5 two hours later and he was feeling much better.  Good thing Dawson had his comedy down, I needed the laughter through the tears!