Two weeks ago I returned to Weight Watchers as well. I wasn’t going to go back because I’ve joined and quit so many times — but something about this time felt different. If I could commit to a running program, then I could commit to eating healthier, too.

I started the program at 243 pounds. Two. Four. Three. I want to vomit just reading that number, but I won’t because I love food too much to succumb to bulimia. I can’t believe I’m putting that number out there for all to read. However, I think admitting the whole truth is the first step to recovery. Recovery from the self-loathing, horrible eating habits, lack of adequate exercise. I’m ready to get down to true and healthy weight loss.

As a PCOS sufferer, my weight has long since been an issue. Since that first diagnosis in 1998 I’ve had to endure the constant weight gains and struggles, the thinning hairline, the unexpected facial hair, the infertility troubles, the irregular menstruation and painful cysts and fibroids, the feeling of being robbed of my femininity.

When I weighed in last Wednesday I was 236.8 pounds.  I lost 6.2 pounds in one week.  Most of that loss was water, but my pants fit better and I felt better.

Yesterday I lost an additional pound.  I had hoped for a 2-pound loss, but all the running and exercise brought back my period and I know I was bloated and crampy for a few days.

Tonight I went to a kindergarten orientation at Dawson’s school.  Roosevelt Elementary is the same school I attend from kindergarten through 6th grade.  Doug had worked late and met me there later and when he walked into the gymnasium he took a long look at me and said, “I can tell you’re losing weight.  Your jeans are baggy in the butt.”

I laughed and blushed and realized I am doing this.  I am going to get this damn weight off.  I’m ready.  I AM READY.

Now, if only I were brave enough to post pictures…

Tomorrow I begin week 2 of the C25K program.  I’m excited, but super nervous.  But mostly…REALLY excited.  I hate running, but the way I feel when it’s all over is so amazing I now find that I crave that runner’s high more than anything.  I’m not too fond of the minor aches and pains, but with practice I’ll tone up and feel better.

I’ve also taken advantage of the free training sessions I get at the YMCA.  As a member we receive 5 sessions a year, and I’m going to work with a trainer on resistance and flexibility.  I need to tone my muscles as well as improve my cardiovascular health.  I have this irrational fear that running will shed pounds and I’ll have skin hanging off my body.  I need to tone and shape those muscles.

So far I’m down 10 pounds and several inches in the waist and hips.  I’ve dropped a pants size.  I love how amazing I feel both physically and emotionally.  My mental clarity has improved dramatically.  I’m so proud of myself for committing to the program and sticking to it.  Even when I feel like I could give up, I remember how damn good I feel and continue on.

I’m looking forward to that 5K run I’m doing in March!

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What are you training for?  I’d love to hear about it!

It’s hard to go back to work full time.  With two kids to raise and a house to clean, adding a job to the mix can wear a person out.  I often wonder how the heck I did this for so many years before I took a stab at the WAHM thing.

I truly believe I have suffered from foggy brain, and so I’ve decided to do something about it.  I’ve decided to get my ass off the couch and start shaping up.  It’s easier said than done, let me tell you, but I’ve already put in three days of effort and I’ve got tons more energy.

Thanks to the inspirational Christina of A Mommy Story, I’ve begun the Couch-to-5K program.  She posted her results and a link to the iPhone (and iPod Touch) app that can be downloaded from the iTunes App Store and I knew immediately I wanted to do it, too.

That first day was crazy.  I thought it would be easy to run 60 seconds followed by 90 seconds of walking alternately for a total of 30 minutes of exercise.  I as so optimistic about it that I pushed Owen along in the jogger, too.  My legs were burning after 5 minutes.  It was…CRAZY.  But darn if I didn’t feel like a million bucks when it was over!

I completed Day 2 this morning and that familiar burn in the thighs and buttocks was a little stronger.  Thank God I was smart enough to skip a day in between to recover.  I hated the actual running part of this day, but again I felt awesome when it was over.  I notice my energy levels have increased, my appetite isn’t as ravenous, either.  Although that may have more to do with me drive to overcome cravings; I’m always hungry for steak after cardio, and that fact hasn’t changed.

I’ve given up soda, too.  I think the caffeine had a negative affect on my health and my mental clarity.  I’ve stopped buying chocolate.  I haven’t had fast food in two weeks.  The headache I had yesterday was my body reacting to the withdrawal symptoms.

Instead of the crappy food choice I used to make, I’ve incorporated more fruits, veggies and whole grains.  And I’m drinking so much water I may explode.

But all the self-discipline is paying off.  My pants fit better.  They feel somewhat loose.  I haven’t weight myself yet because I don’t want the number to sabotage my progress.  I don’t want to hold myself to a number like I did in the past.  That number will not take me down.

On we go.  I’m going to be fit if it’s the last thing I do.  (Let’s hope it isn’t.  I don’t want to have the big one while running!  That would totally suck!)

After working my shifts I quickly gave Dawson a shower, then showered myself, and we got dressed to head out to do the errands.  I had my 28-week doctor’s appointment this afternoon (more on that later), and we had some things to accomplish in addition to that.

Just as we were heading out the door at (it was around noon), Doug called to ask if we could drop off his knee brace.  Somehow he forgot to put it on before he left for work.  For those that don’t know, he manages the frozen department of our local Copps grocery store.  He does a lot of manual labor, and he’s suffering knee trouble due to the last 20 years of managing stock rooms and store shelves.

After saving my husband some pain, we went to the bank to make a deposit and to get a cashier’s check to pay our property taxes at the county treasurer’s office.  Fifteen hundred dollars needed to be paid before tomorrow’s installment deadline.  I hate giving money to people I don’t really like.

Next we went to the doctor’s office.  I had to repeat the glucose testing and have blood drawn, as well as pee in a cup to detect protein in the urine.  Dawson was so well behaved.  I was very impressed.  After an hour of waiting for the disgusting glucose cocktail to do it’s thang, I had my blood drawn and we went on our merry way.

We went to the pharmacy to pick up two new prescriptions, one for baby aspirin (it’s supposed to help lower my blood pressure in addition to the methyldopa I already take) and one for an iron supplement because I’m deficient.  Again.

Dawson was a very good boy in the store.  I couldn’t believe it.  Usually he begs for things.  Today, he happily sat in the cart and asked questions about why there are so many drugs in the “farm-you-see”.  To reward him for good behavior, I bought him a Transformers story book from K-mart (we use their pharmacy since it’s down the street from the clinic).  He’s obsessed with that movie lately.

Post pharmacy we went to the post office, then to the library to return our books. Dawson played in the children’s department for a little while, picked out a movie and then we headed to the gas station.   My “empty” light was on and I didn’t know if I’d make it home if I didn’t fill up.

After paying for my gas, we climbed back into the car and Dawson told me he was very hungry.  It was then that I realized we didn’t eat lunch.  I had forgotten to feed my kid.  I felt like a bad mom.  And he was so well-behaved!

“Do you want to hit McDonald’s?” I asked.

“Noooo, Mom,” he replied. “I’m sick of Donald’s.  Can we go to eat at Subway?  I want to eat good today.”

I started laughing.  My child wanted to eat Subway instead of greasy french fries.  He never ceases to amaze me.

Luckily, Subway was just down the road from the gas station so we went inside and ordered our sandwiches.  Dawson ordered a ham sub (the kid’s version) with tomato, cucumber and black olives.  I had the veggie since I can’t eat cold cuts or deli meats.

My little munchkin wanted potato chips instead of apples and I couldn’t say no.  When we were finally at our table and ready to eat, I opened his chips and ate one.

“Mooooom,” he said.  “Those are NOT good for you.  They can make you fat!”

I was stunned.  My little dietician was telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat.

“Well,” I started. “Why did you pick these instead of apples?”

“‘Cuz, mom.  I’m just a little boy.  I don’t have a big belly yet.”

“I’ll have you know, young man, that my belly is big because your brother is in there!”

“I know mom.  But I don’t think he likes ‘tato chips.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“‘Cuz babies only like good food.  You gotta eat fresh, Mom!”

I think this child has watched one too many Subway commercials.

Then I was on Facebook on Friday morning, and I updated my status to reflect this miserable bit of information, and my friend tells me her 2-year-old son was in the ER the night before, and that the doctor believes he has swine flu.  Yeah, you read that correctly.  The freakin’ SWINE FLU!

I see my friend and her son at least 3 times a week, so if indeed the poor little guy does have the H1N1 virus, I’ve been exposed.

“Don’t freak out, okay,” my friend e-mailed me.  “But it starts out with a sore throat and nasal stuffiness.”

Did I mention I have had a stuffy nose in addition to the sore throat thing?  Did I tell you how I did indeed freak the hell out?

I was ready to drive myself to the ER right that minute, but a wise owl told me to call my OB/GYN and inform them that I’ve possibly been exposed.  The nurse who took my call told me to stay home, get lots of rest, and avoid contact with people.  She also explained that if the symptoms got worse, to call back and they’d decide whether or not an Urgent Care visit would be necessary.

I spent most of the weekend sleeping.  Dawson was at my parents house since Thursday, before I realized I could be infected, and my parents said he was fine.  He was full of energy and had no visible signs of being sick.  Thank God for that.

Doug didn’t seem to be sick either, so we figured perhaps I was just having an allergy attack, or that rhinitus of pregnancy was causing some sinus troubles.

As of today, my throat feels somewhat better.  I’ve been drinking gallons of water, and the occasional 7-Up (the carbonation feels wonderful on the scratchy throat), and my symptoms are not getting any worse.  I think the worst part was the freak-out I had when I realized I could have the flippin’ swine flu.

My friend is still waiting for results from the test her son had Thursday night.  They are quarantined until the results are in (and they were supposed to be in on Friday), and I know my friend and her family are on edge, waiting for the doctor’s office to call back.

Let’s hope the little guy just caught a cold that will go away quickly!

I think it’s a stomach bug because we’ve spent most of our time in the bathroom.  Immodium has helped me, but the little guy doesn’t really understand what’s happening.  Yesterday he clinged to me and cried a lot when he wasn’t awake.  And let me just tell you he didn’t get a lot of sleep.

Dawson insisted on laying next to me on the couch while we watched an Unsolved Mysteries marathon on Spike TV (and we’re watching it again today).  I hadn’t watched that show in so long and the marathon was awesome.  I love seeing all the updates and solved cases.  Dennis Farina is pretty good as host, but I do miss Robert Stack.

In addition to the virus thing, I’ve been sneezing like crazy, but I think it’s allergies (other symptoms include scratchy throat and dry eyes).  I can’t imagine having a cold on top of it all.

I haven’t eaten much the past two days.  What’s the point of eating when my stomach is in protest?  Saltines and 7-Up are doing the trick for both me and Dawson.

Since we’re mostly watching television today, I’ve been surfing the channels and came across an Elvis Presley movie marathon on TCM. I’m waiting for the ones that I don’t already have on VHS to come on TV.  Roustabout starts at 3:30.  Woot!

It’s Elvis’ birthday today.  He’d have been seventy-four years old had he stopped using drugs lived.  I’m a huge Elvis fan and have been since I was little.  My mother and my aunt were mega fans and introduced me to his movies and music at a very young age.

I think I was five years old when Aunt Judy told me he was dead.  I cried for days. Seriously.  He died two years before I was born, and my grandmother thought it was hilarious that I was crying over the man she called “the glorified lounge singer.”  She liked Elvis, but she wasn’t crazy about him like her daughters.  Doug will be totally annoyed when he comes home to find me watching Elvis movies, but I say, I’m not feeling good, so he can buzz off.

In between movies, tv and mothering a sick little boy I’ve tried to read blogs and news stories today.  I haven’t gotten very far, but I’ve got some good links to share:

Dear Brett Favre – Because you know I’m a Packer fan and can’t get enough Favre talk.

Gearing Up For Valentine’s Day - I love the marshmallow pops!  Such a clever idea!

Are You Freakin’ Kidding Me? -  If this happens I will protest.  I don’t think it will, but anything is possible in our country…  and if it does I will march from my home to Washington D.C. and I will do something drastic.  I don’t know what yet…but I sound threatening, yes?

Christina Has a New Look! – And both of her girls are beautiful, dammit!

This sweet bloggy pal o’ mine has big news. – If anyone understands my conception woes, it’s Lisa, and I’m so freaking excited for her.

Enjoy the links!  I’ll be back when I’m feeling much better.

Please send Wii.  And Wii Fit.

Wii we need them desperately.

Love,

The Dana Files

________________________________________________________

What?  It’s worth a shot.

Twenty-one pounds gone.  Several inches lost.  I feel good.  Confident.  Energized.  Happy in my own skin (for the first time in a very long time).

I look in the mirror and I see how the changes I’ve made (and continue to make) are paying off.  My legs are stronger, my abs feel more fit.  Granted, I’ve still got a ways to go, but the goal I’ve set for myself isn’t out of reach.

I can do this.  I will do this.  I am doing this.

It just keeps getting better.

When I went to record the start date of my cycle this month, I noticed that my last cycle was only 30 days.  Thirty days, people!  Do you know how fanfreakintastic this is?  It is.  Trust me.

I haven’t had a 30-day cycle since 1998.  I kid you not.  In January my cycle was 51 days.  In March it was 47.  April was 42.  May, 39.  June 38, July 37, August 35.  September was 32.

And October was 30 days.

This means the Metformin is working.  It means the 90 minute (from start to finish) workout sessions are paying off.  It means that my reproductive health is improving.  It means that I may get pregnant again, sooner than I think.

Today I’m still feeling bloated and cranky (but totally not as irritable and moody as I used to be), cranky only because the cramps are making it impossible to sleep at night, but I’m feeling confidant about the way my body is functioning these days.  This is great progress.

On another happy note, I finally found a new winter coat. Yay, JC Penney and your totally awesome pre-Thanksgiving sales!  I won’t freeze my ass off this winter.

Can you believe it?  Thirty freakin’ days!  If this current cycle is 28 days I’ll pass out.

Can I just tell you how awful my cravings were?  I cannot even describe the ridiculous dependency my body had has on carbohydrates.  Seriously, it got to the point where I had dreams of baked potatoes loaded with all the fixings.

You’re probably wondering what possessed me to begin such a diet and I’m more than happy to tell you why.

Almost ten years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), a metabolic (and endocrine) disorder that affects ovulation, weight loss/gain, hormonal fluctuations and causes my body to be desensitized to insulin.  When I first received this diagnosis, I thought it was some bullshit syndrome that doctors made up because they weren’t sure what was wrong with the women who experienced the symptoms now classified as part of this disease.

The fact that PCOS is a disease scared me, partly because if left untreated the condition can become life threatening.  Women with untreated PCOS can develop diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cervical and uterine cancers and other scary things.  Sadly, this disease is genetic and typically runs in families.  My mother and sister most likely suffer from PCOS, as they’ve experienced most, if not all, of the same symptoms I do.  They haven’t been diagnosed just yet, but I’m urging them to get to their doctors to have testing done.

I went to the library and got some books on this condition, along with books on nutrition and fertility because I wanted to be completely in-the-know about what was happening with my body.

I won’t lie.  My reasons were selfish at first.  I’ve made it known that I want to have another baby (Soon, damn it!  Soon!) but that I’m not having any luck in the getting pregnant department.  Part of the blame is because of PCOS.

My very amazing new doctor (whom I began seeing this past June) prescribed a medication typically given to patients diagnosed with Type II diabetes.  The medicine is called Metformin (known as the brand Glucophage).  Metformin is given to sensitize the body to insulin (which is what helps the diabetic patient), and this can help regulate hormones and cure some of the endocrine disorder.

I’ve been taking this stuff for a little over five months and while it’s regulating insulin production, it isn’t really doing all of it’s job.  Such as trigger ovulation.  I know this because I’ve been charting my basal body temperature for months.

Two weeks ago, I went in for a re-check and Dr. F upped the dose of my Rx to four pills a day instead of two.  It’s sort of wrecking havoc with my stomach (a symptom of taking the meds), but I’ve noticed some changes since the increase.

For one, my acne is slowly disappearing.  I am one of the unlucky women post-puberty that still gets the occasional zit (or twelve) around the chin area.  Acne is a symptom of PCOS.  So is hirsutism (excess hair growth on the face and other unwanted areas of the body — I know, that’s so general).  I noticed that I had some facial hair problems (mostly on the chin and neck), but now that I’ve been taking the Metformin, it seems to be fading away.

But the biggest change is that my menstrual cycles are shortening.  Pre-metformin, my cycles were 47 days plus.  Probably why it’s been so difficult to coneive.  Each month I’d lose a day or two.  I’m down to about 35-39 days depending on other stress factors.

Okay, I take that back.  The biggest change isn’t just that my periods are getting more “regular.”  I’ve lost 17 pounds, too.  Seventeen.  Dr. F was so elated when I weighed in.  My goal was to lose 10% of my weight in order to trigger ovulation again.  I have 10 more pounds to go.

People, this is progress.  And while, it’s still frustrating to know that I’m not getting pregnant yet, it’s comforting to know that by sticking to the plan and making small, subtle changes to my lifestyle, perhaps I’ll be pregnant by Christmas.  Or maybe Valentine’s Day.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I’m also trying not to give up.  It’s like I’m in a holding pattern.  Being sick with a cold the last twelve days hasn’t helped either.  When I’m sick, I have no ambition to eat healthy or exercise. Sad, but true.

The low-carb diet was much more difficult this time around. (I did it four years ago which is how I conceived Dawson.)  Instead, I’m counting calories, making healthier food choices and exercising 4-6 times a week.  I feel good about myself and I noticed I’m not as depressed as I used to be.

So, anyway…I’m just really happy with how things are going and I wanted to blog about it so that I can look back and see how far I’ve come.  There were devastating days, I know.  I lost my shit a time or two.  But like Scarlet O’Hara once said, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

I’m looking forward to my tomorrows.

————

P.S.

I don’t know many people who also struggle with PCOS, but I’m hoping that if you are dealing with this condition or know someone who is dealing with it, you’ll leave a comment on this post (please?).  I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If you think you may have PCOS and have not yet been diagnosed, please make an appointment with your doctor.  It’s very important for you to get treatment.  There is help for your condition.  And no, you’re not crazy.  No, these symptoms are not “in your head.”

I’m happy to talk more about PCOS, and to blog about it, too.  The more informed we are, the better we can manage our conditions.