March 20, 2008

The Rise of the Feminized Majority

**Cross-posted from Moms Speak Up.

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As a woman, wife and mother, politics is important to me. We live in a country that is struggling. We’re at war in Iraq. Millions of Americans are jobless, have no health insurance and are losing their homes in a mortgage crisis. Our planet is dying a slow and painful death due to global warming, and our gasoline prices are skyrocketing because we live in a society dependent on automobiles. I’ve never been as invested in politics as I am with the 2008 Election.

With so many problems that need to be addressed, many of which are important to women like me, I was excited when offered the opportunity to read The New Feminized Majority: How Democrats Can Change America with Women’s Values, by Katherine Adam and Charles Derber.

As a lifelong Republican, I have often voted in elections based on my values. As a Catholic, my religious morals and values have influenced how I vote on issues such as abortion and embryonic stem cell research.

In their book, Adam and Derber shed light on the assumption that the Republican party is the “party of values”, due to the fact that Christian Conservatives (the right arm of the Republican Party) often define themselves as “moral values voters.” However, Democrats have values, too, but they often avoid any direct claim to morality.

The book begins by explaining the difference between masculinized and feminized values:

Men are socialized into what we call masculinized values that include competitiveness, aggression, individualism and a belief that violence is a necessary tool to solve problems. Feminized values are those in which women are socialized in a given time and place. These values include cooperation, empathy, an appreciation for equality, a preference for nonviolent solutions to conflicts, and community, or the feeling that everyone is a part of something bigger. People with feminized values look at the issues affecting their families and their communities with the goal of “together we can.” Those with masculinized values move through their lives with the feeling “alone I will”.

This book illustrates why feminized values are fueling the desire for change in America, and explains why Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton will have a better chance at winning the presidency in November.

Adam and Derber explain that both Obama and Clinton represent feminized values, which are the same values that many American voters, both women as well as men, hold today.

The authors believe that John McCain and the Republicans are thriving on “hyper-masculinized” values, which might explain why McCain doesn’t hesitate to say that American troops could be stationed in Iraq for “hundreds of years.” Masculinized “values voters” often believe military force is the only solution to most conflicts in foreign affairs.

However, the values of American voters are dramatically shifting, and the feminized majority first emerged in the 1960s when ideas about equality, social change and community inspired a new moral viewpoint.

The women’s movement of the 1970s also contributed to the shifting of values in America, at a time when the new wave of feminism reshaped and transformed a new generation of women.

My favorite paragraph from the book offers explanation as to why women’s values are not capitalist values:

Women’s values lead to progressive politics because women are integrated into our social and economic order differently than men. They live in capitalism but are not entirely of it. Women’s values generate a moral foundation for progressive opposition because: (1) women are subordinated in the existing order, and(2) their movement against their unequal position expresses values that can benefit all disadvantaged groups and promote equality and peace.

Women’s values revolve around family, children, health care, maternal rights, a thriving economy, and a beautiful and well-preserved environment. We want our children to inherit a strong country of opportunity and prosperity, not despair and tragedy.

How can America embrace feminized values? The authors offer three steps for a Democratic victory in 2008, and beyond:

First, Democrats need to run a campaign directed towards feminized morality. Second, Democrats needs to renounce the masculinized morality of the current political atmosphere and present a feminized populist alternative. A majority of Americans want to move away from social Darwinist economic policies and perpetual war. Third, Democrats need to motivate disengaged voters to become part of the movement. The feminized majority includes many non-voters and Independents. They are crucial to Democratic victory.

In the Wisconsin primary, I voted for Barack Obama because I was tired of “politics as usual”. I’m desperately seeking change, an end to the war, and to rebuild our flailing economy. For so many years I’ve felt as though the Republican party has pandered to me because I’m a woman to win my vote, only to abandon my values for those that are more masculinized.

Adam and Derber pose the idea that Barack Obama is a more feminized candidate than Hillary Clinton because of his “Yes, We Can” campaign slogan. Obama’s vision for America inspires feelings of community and equality. He sparks a desire for change in our country. In every speech he gives, Barack Obama emphasizes that there is a common good that can and will bring Americans together.

On the contrary, Hillary Clinton faces enormous challenges because she is a woman. It’s difficult to walk the gender line in this presidential campaign, and we shouldn’t completely disqualify her simply because she doesn’t use her gender as a means to win.

Overall, I was very impressed with The New Feminized Majority. It inspired a new way of thinking for me and convinced me that my decision to vote for Barack Obama was the right one. That in itself is amazing.

March 2, 2008

Gender Talk

When I decided to get a family membership to the local YMCA, I had big dreams of all the various activities we would participate in. I enrolled in yoga, pilates and butts ‘n guts, and I decided to let Dawson join gymnastics.

My reasoning was that it would help him learn to follow directions, get along with others, and burn off some of his endless energy. Since I’ve been home I’ve become his personal jungle gym (I have bruises to prove it!) and it was time to let him jump on trampolines and springboards under the supervision of young, agile, high school gymnasts. How could it go wrong?

When I mentioned Dawson’s enrollement to a few people, I got a funny look, as if to say, “But Dawson is a boy…and gymnastics is for girls…”

I know that typically more girls are enrolled in gymnastics classes than boys. Even I dabbled in the sport as a young kid (and broke my arm trying to imitate the moves of Mary Lou Retton on the pommel horse, during the 1984 Olympics.)

I can name only two male gymnasts. Bart Connor was the 1979 World Champion on the parallel bars and a member of the U.S. men’s gymnastics team at the 1984 Summer Olympic Games. Peter Vidmar, capatain of the U.S. men’s gymnastics team during the same 1984 Olympics, led the team to it’s first ever gold medal. But we rarely think of these men when we think of gymnastics, perhaps because the sport is heavily saturated with women.

I’m not saying that Dawson will grow up to be an Olympic medalist, and I’m certainly not saying he couldn’t, either. I don’t think I want him to become the next Bart Connor anyway. The amount of training and discipline involved in the sport is time consuming and only the most hard driven gymnasts actually make their names known. The extra toll on a young gymnast’s body can be devastating. It’s not my place to push Dawson into something he may not even want to do.

But since when is it okay to assume that because Dawson is a boy that he shouldn’t participate, or even want to participate, in the sport?

When Dawson was just an infant I tried to surround him with gender neutral toys. I didn’t want to expose him to anything overly boyish or overly girlish. The stereotype that boys wore blue, played with monster trucks, and loved football annoyed me, and my husband freaked out when I brought home a pink Little People mini-van because he thought it was “for girls”. I didn’t understand why everything had to be so black and white, or pink and blue, rather.

Gender is so potent that we project it onto both science and religion. Aside from the obvious anatomical difference between a male and a female, are we really that different? We’ve all heard that girls are emotional and boys are tough, but is that a biological trait or something we acquire because of how we are raised? Nature vs. Nurture?

Why are we defined by our gender? Why does society insist on imposing specific gender stereotypes upon men and women and boys and girls?

As a woman, I face gender stereotypes almost daily. I’m reminded that women can’t be priests every time I attend Mass. Every time I read the newspaper or watch the news, I’m reminded that a woman has yet to be president, and that any woman who runs for political office has to fight tooth and nail against a man. When I make a doctor or dentist appointment, I’m reminded that most of the nurses and hygienists are female (and the physicians are male).

It’s frustrating to realize that society still treats women as second class citizens. I’m not trying to start a gender war by saying that women are better than men — I think it depends on the circumstances. But if a highly qualified woman and a somewhat qualified man are vying for the same job, shouldn’t the one with more experience get the position?

Take for example, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, both of whom are running for president of the United States. Hillary has more political experience than Barack. Realistically, Hillary should become the next president, right?

I voted for Barack Obama for several reasons (and you can read all about that here), but as time has gone by I’ve wondered if my own subconscious gender stereotype has gotten in the way of choosing the right candidate for president. The feminist within me wanted to vote Clinton, but only for what I thought was the wrong reason; because she is a woman.

I never thought that gender stereotypes would affect me in this way. It wasn’t until my son was stereotyped that I realized that our society still uses gender to “keep us in our places”. It’s an outdated way of thinking and it needs to change. But how do we do this? Where do we begin?

May 5, 2006

The F-Bomb

I have a few things to say today. (I’ve been spending time with my Bug and he desperately wants to play the “Tickle Monster” game so this will be not-so-short and not-so-sweet.)

If you haven’t read this yet, please do so. Read the comments also. Go on. Do it. You know you want to.

Since when has Feminism been defined as “Anti-Men”? Since when is it okay to bash other women about their choices? That’s what the Feminist movement is about. My choices as opposed to society’s choices, as opposed to my parents’ choices, as opposed to anybody else’s choices.

So, if I decide to stay at home with my children, that is good enough. I don’t have to be a career woman to have a job. If I decide to work for a multi-million dollar insurance company, that is acceptable also. Because these are my decisions, my choices.

I wanted to go to college and I did. No, I didn’t graduate because I ran out of money. Financial aid ran out, I needed to get a job to pay for it (I couldn’t abuse the system like a single friend of mine who just keeps having children to get more free living assistance, free medical care, free educational grants), and I chose to take a few years off, save the money and go back. Unfortunately, I haven’t gone back to college. Yet. Does that mean I can’t still do it? OF COURSE NOT.

I wanted to work full-time at an amazing job with health care benefits, 401(k) options, a health club membership and other perks, and I got that, too. I was offered to go to job training to become a licensed insurance agent and I made that happen.

I met my husband and I wanted to get married. So I did. After a few years of being married, I wanted to have a baby. I did that as well. Someday, I might want another child and I just might decide to have one. After all, it is my choice. Right?

No where does it say that to be a feminist you have to hate men. I haven’t read anything telling me that if I stay at home with my son I’m a lesser woman and I’ve succumbed to a life a servitude to my husband and children. And I don’t recall anyone telling me it was mandatory to make my choices based on a “movement”. Please. Spare. Me.

I’m sick to death of women like Anne giving women a bad name. NOT FEMINISTS. WOMEN. I’m almost embarrassed for her. To call herself a woman and then down right attack Erin for her choices. That’s what Anne claims she fought for. “To give you choices.” But apparently Anne believes our choices should be the same as hers. We should all go out and show our children that “a woman could be the bread winner and the mother” and that we didn’t “need a man” to take care of us. Hmmm. Let’s ponder this for a moment.

There. I pondered.

Here’s what I think. I think Anne was a bitter, single mother. The father of her children may have been a loser and therefore she “chose” to work because she had to. She is angry because she was the breadwinner and didn’t have a man to take care of her. So because of this bitterness, Anne wants to hide behind the Feminist card and say she fought for choices. She wants women “like you to stop aligning themselves with the real feminists.” But she was MORE THAN HAPPY TO THINK WE SHOULD ALIGN OUR CHOICES WITH HERS! What exactly is a “real feminist?” Anne? I don’t think so. A real feminist would be cheering me on saying, “You go girl! Live your dreams! Steer your own course!”

Now, of course, I could be wrong. Maybe she chose to ditch the man in her life and maybe she chose to be the working mother. Great. That’s fabulous. Good for you, Anne! I’m proud of you. But before you go burning bridges you might have to cross someday, think of this:

Without MEN there would not be those wonderful boys you raised. Without MEN we may not have had this wonderful country called America that we live in. I’m not saying MEN are superior by any means. But neither are WOMEN. We’re equals. That’s what FEMINISM is about. Women who want to be treated as equals. This doesn’t mean we women should go out and slander men. But we also shouldn’t slander other women. Who are we to judge?

I wish Anne would get off her high horse. Or at least take one constipation relieving shit. But please, Anne don’t leave your shit all over the rest of us.

I think the new club should be called “Feminists with Choices”. Choices to make on our own for ourselves, whether we stay at home or work at home or work in an office or whatever the choices are; we should be thankful we have them. Many women don’t and it’s time to support other women and continue the fight against society and the “shoulds”.

I support Erin. I want to be a STHF, and I know Erin would support me in being a WOHF. That’s what the F-Word is all about. (No, not the four letter F-word.)

Anne’s comment sickens me as much as Gloria Steinem. Ms. Gloria Steinem fought for tough sexual harassment laws and legislation against date rape. But it wasn’t until Bill Clinton was being charged with groping Kathleen Willey that she defended the President. Gloria said it wasn’t sexual harassment because “she said no” to his solicitation of oral sex “and that was the end of it.” Ummm. Okay? So he supported her choice? The choice not to give Billy a blow job? Tell me again what Gloria was fighting for?

Anne you are a hypocrite. Just like Gloria. She must have been one of your mentors. You should take that mentality and realize that Erin, who has every right to be a feminist, has decided to stay home with her children and “that’s the end of it.”

April 27, 2006

Mommy Wars or Women’s Wars??

I was reading this and that, and I wonder: When will women be celebrated for making choices that best suit them instead of being forced to do what society expects of them?

I remember watching an episode of Dr. Phil when I was on maternity leave. The topic was Moms Who Work vs. Moms Who Stay Home. I was suffering from the “baby blues” and I became very angry and sad to see Dr. Phil of all people hosting this show that encouraged moms to “duke it out” over their viewpoints. I felt enraged. So what if one mother chooses to have a career as well as be a parent. So what if another mother chooses to stay home with her children. Who are WE to judge what another woman does? We have no right to force our opinions on others. Whether it be about politics, religion, sex or parenthood; what right is it of mine to say, “Your method sucks, you should really do this!”

I consider myself to be a feminist. I vote for women who stand up for themselves and do what they want rather than what they “should” do. The “shoulds” really piss me off. (Yes, I said piss– deal with it.) All my life I was told I “should” go to college. I “should not” have sex before marriage. I “should” go to church every Sunday. I “should not” drink alcohol. The list of “shoulds” and “should nots” goes on and on. Well I’ve had enough of it. What I decide to do is no concern of anyone, as long as I’m living my life ethically and morally and not causing harm to another person.

Now as a mother, the list of “shoulds” is enormous! I “should” create a schedule and routine for my baby. I “should not” let him eat hot dogs or macaroni and cheese. I “should” spend 6-8 hours a day playing with my child. I “should not” have a pet around my son. I “should” stay home with my son. I “should” go to work so I don’t waste my mind.

Frankly, I “should” stop listening to nonsense and follow my own rules. What works for me may not work for others and it’s perfectly acceptable to accept that. We can agree to disagree. We should support each other, not attack each other.

I think the Queen of Spain is 100% correct when she says, “We’re being discredited by our own kind.” It sickens me to think that I’m being attacked by my fellow woman rather than celebrated for my achievements. Whether I work in a big office downtown or in my home as a mother, I should be praised not patronized. And I should praise other women for their accomplishments as well. Our differences should be appreciated not exploited.