September 18, 2007

Stripped…

Good Morning!  I’m over at Tempting Mama’s blog today.  Please visit me there to read about my Night of Nakedness — and be sure leave me a buck or two!  (Err…I meant to say leave me a comment.)

August 3, 2007

BlogHer Conference Breakout Sessions: Educating Myself on Politics and Our Online Community

**Cross Posted from BlogHer 

(This is also a very detailed recap of my experience at Day Two of BlogHer 2007) .

BlogHer 2007 was my first blogging conference and I must admit I learned more about politics than I bargained for.

My education began with the first Breakout Session for politics,  Earn Our Votes: What Questions Do Women Bloggers Want Candidates to Answer In Election 2008.

Sarah Simmons, a Republican party pollster shared statistics about the diversity and trends of female voters both young and old, as well as spoke about how women voters drove the margin for change in the House and Senate in the 2006 elections.

She stated that women have a broad agenda when it comes to politics.  Some of our main concerns include health care, withdrawal from Iraq, education, costs of living, how to successfully own and operate small businesses, and how to care for our aging parents. 

Ms. Simmons mentioned that women are more likely to personalize politics to fit their main concerns and beliefs. When women discuss immigration we don’t really discuss immigration.  We worry about emergency room back-ups due to the “non-taxpaying” patients and the rising costs of health care as a result.  When women discuss the environment we don’t talk about the environment.  Instead we talk about clean drinking water for our families and children, and well-kept parks and green spaces for recreational activities. 

Another interesting piece of information is that 45% of female voters are favorable to Senator Hillary Clinton as a presidential candidate, but 67% of Republicans or conservative women are not.

This is largely because they feel Hillary hasn’t struggled, suffered, or sacrificed to get where she is today.  Because Hillary Clinton is a woman, wife, mother and successful career woman, some women feel she hasn’t been in their shoes and that she doesn’t understand their less privileged positions.

While it’s sad to hear that women can judge other women based solely on her achievements, whether they are jealous of her success or not, I can’t fault them for feeling that Hillary Clinton is disconnected from women who don’t share the same success.

During this panel, the audience also broke into multi-partisan groups to discuss four critical issues raised by a survey.  The four areas of the biggest concern were Economy, Health Care, Environment and Iraq.  BlogHer’s Morra Aarons is working to bring the results of these focus groups to BlogHer very soon.

Some of the questions that were asked in the Economy breakout included:  The corrupt student loan system, rising child care costs for working mothers and families, national minimum wage is still low, small businesses are suffering because the cost of health insurance is skyrocketing, bankruptcy laws are disorganized and complicated, and the very frustrating mortgage crisis.

Women want answers to these questions and more.  We’re tired of politicians spewing the same pat answers when we talk about important issues. 

After this breakout I stayed for the next session, How to Write Great Political Coverage:  From Breaking News to Op-Ed.  Professor Kim Pearson was an excellent moderator and encouraged the audience to interact during the session. 

She asked, “Are political bloggers the same as bloggers who write about politics?”

We got into small groups and the one I was in decided that while political bloggers tend to push a certain agenda, a person who blogs about politics may be discussing the issues.  On the other hand, bloggers can write a post that isn’t about politics at all and still be political. 

An example was given by a group member in regards to jazz music and the effects of Hurricane Katrina almost destroying the birthplace of jazz.  Americans didn’t seem to be as concerned about this, perhaps because of the predominant race of the jazz culture and this definitely comes across as political.   

Panelists Faye Anderson and Katharine Daniels also offered great advice for writing about politics.

Glennia from The Silent “I” has a comprehensive list at her blog.  Here are just a few:

• Be clear about who you think you are and what you are covering.  Let audience know what you are trying to accomplish.  Have to have clarity on what you are doing and develop your own sense of mission. 
• Be transparent with your audience.  If someone comes to your blog, and reads something on a particular candidate, they may assume that you support that candidate.  If you say something negative about a candidate, they may assume that you support the other side.
   
  Do your homework and consider the opposing argument and respond to it specifically. 
• Make policy interesting by using YouTube and other multi-media sources to jazz it up.  Make stories accessible by providing interesting links and other related content.

There was a wealth of information shared, but the piece of advice that really hit home to the audience came from Professor Kim:  Stay human. 

It’s very easy to forget we are most often talking about people and we all have different opinions.  It’s very important to be courteous and respectful, especially when writing about an opposing view point.

The third and final breakout session discussed How to Turn Your blog Into a GotV (Get out the Vote) Machine. 

Women are the majority of the voting population, and women are very diverse.  Sara Simmons stated it’s important to remember there isn’t a monolith when talking about female voters.

Panelists Kim Gandy, Liza Sabater and Zephyr Teachout discussed ways to inform women, such as encouraging them to register, to vote, putting buttons on our blogs, starting mailing lists, using tools like Yahoo and Google groups, and urging women to attend local government meetings.  Laurie liveblogged the session here.

I asked the panel whether they’ve noticed that many conservative women are afraid to speak up because of a stigma that we’re all right-wing, religious crazies, who bow to Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. 

The answer I received was that many campaign workers do not feel Republican and conservative groups of women are a targetable audience.  Why?  They do not know how to approach us.

Well, I can tell you one way is to send your campaign workers to the BlogHer Conference.
It seems Hillary Clinton and John Edwards managed to send a representative on their behalves. 

Excuse me, Mr. Giuliani, Mr. Romney, and the rest?  Where were you?  You missed a big opportunity to show us, your voters, that you do in fact care about us. 

I’m not the only conservative who felt alienated.

During the keynote by Elizabeth Edwards, Daring Young Mom spoke up about her beliefs.  She writes:

When Elizabeth Edwards is Speaking at BlogHer, I’m a Conservative.  At church I’m a liberal.

I am repeatedly amazed at the complex nuances of personal political identity and the bizarre need we feel to categorize each other along party lines. This becomes confusing because the way I’m categorized changes dramatically depending on whom I happen to be sitting next to. In an LDS Sunday School class, I’m fairly liberal. In the BlogHer organization, I feel like some sort of right wing extremist.

I can’t stress enough about conservatives are stereotyped.  When we voice our opinions we are often met with attack and ridicule, or we  are not taken seriously because we might be religious and some opponents think that’s dumb. 

Did it ever occur to them that we do actually think about the issues at hand?  We’re not just blindly going to follow the leader without rationally thinking about the facts.  Some of us do get emotional because we’re passionate about what matters most to us.   

I met a few conservatives at the BlogHer Conference who surprised me when they said they didn’t even know BlogHer had a contributing editor for the right.  Imagine my shock?  And then later my fear that I’m not doing my job properly if my conservative audience didn’t know I was here for them.

Shannon from Rocks In My Dryer mentioned how offended conservatives at the conference were upon hearing Mrs. Edwards say “I’m sorry” to a blogger from Texas, because of the insinuation that Texas is “Bush Country”.

She writes:  

Edwards is a good speaker with a gracious ease, and even though I don’t agree with her on policy, I enjoyed hearing the line of reasoning that comes from someone the other end of the political spectrum.  There was a bit of a strange moment when she took questions from the audience, and a speaker stood up to say, “I’m from Texas…” and Edwards responded, “I’m sorry!”

The people at our table looked at each other with puzzlement.  “Did she really just say that?” I asked.  It was a bit Dixie Chicks-ish.  But that’s okay, because Tina (ever gracious in a don’t-mess-with-Texas sort of way) gently approached Edwards at the cocktail party afterwards to assure her that most Texans are not, in fact, “sorry” that they’re from Texas.  It was a great moment.  I have a picture to prove it, and it is, sadly, stuck for in the bowels of my cell phone for all eternity.

And so I wonder where are the conservatives here at BlogHer.org?  After processing all I’ve learned and experienced during this BlogHer Conference, I want to encourage every one of you to come forward and tell me what issues are important to you.  I would be more than honored to hear your thoughts, ideas, suggestions and concerns.

I’m don’t normally write exceedingly long blog entries, but I felt it was important to share my experience (all of it) and to let you know that I am here; the conservative, Republican, right-leaning CE for Politics at BlogHer. 

BlogHer strives to be multi-partisan.  We want every single member to feel comfortable when letting their voices be heard.

(And If you feel more comfortable e-mailing me, please do!)

June 12, 2007

Jumping the Hurdle

Several posts ago, I described my struggles with depressing thoughts and the expectations I feel are put upon me, by others and myself.

I received excellent feedback and began to really think about where this idea that I have to be perfect derived from.

I started to reflect on my school years.  I was never a brilliant student.  I had classes I disliked and struggled with (Biology, Physics) and classes I always aced (English, History, Creative Writing, French, Business, Geometry and Psychology).

As the daughter of a former teacher, I got an early start to learning.  My mother spent countless hours teaching me to read and write before kindergarten, and she loved her flashcards.  I was a mini-mathematician and novelist by second grade.

There was always this silent expectation to do better than my peers, and to make my parents (read: mother) proud.  My mother comes from a family of teachers.  My grandmother was a teacher, and three of her daughters became teachers.  It was expected that I’d become a teacher and for many years I contemplated the idea.

As the school years went by, I began to resent my mother’s expectations of me.  I always felt this constant push-pull feeling.  I’d strive to succeed, but at the same time purposely tried to slack a bit; just to prove to myself that I was in control and not my parents.  It’s a crazy mentality and I realize this now, years later.

I never got terrible grades, but I didn’t always bring home straight A’s.  There were several B’s and a few C’s on that report card and I even got my first F in Biology because I refused to dissect worms and frogs.  The disappointment on my parents’ faces was enough to make me feel terrible about myself.  I never wanted to feel that way again.

So when I started college, I chose a major that made my parents happy, even though that choice didn’t necessarily suit me.  It’s no surprise that I switched emphasis 4 times and eventually dropped out after 3 years.  Again, my parents were angry and disappointed.

My wedding was the one thing I had control over, and the one thing my parents approved of.  I chose a Polish-style wedding reception because I loved the tradition I grew up with.  They were so happy and for once, I felt like earned their approval.

Fast forward to my pregnancy and all the expectations I “thought” I had to meet.  Whether it was regarding my pregnancy diet, weight gain, etc.; I always thought my mother was pressuring me to do things the same way she did.

After Dawson was born, I felt like her attempts to give advice were instead little bouts of constant nagging.

My mother would say things like:  Is he eating enough?  Is he warm enough? When I had you, I did this… You should try this…. Why don’t you try that?

I always felt those “silent” expectations.  I always felt the need to please and yet wanted to fight that urge.  I wanted to do things my way and at the same time do things perfectly; to please my mother, to shut her up and to show her up.

And then I realized there is no A+ when it comes to motherhood.  There is no amount of studying one can do to ace that test.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent.  I don’t have to please my mother.  I have to please myself.  “Good enough” is good enough.

All the underlying pressure dissipates when I do things my own way.

I’ve learned, and I’m still learning, how to tune out all the outside advice.  It still irritates me, but smiling, nodding and ignoring work wonders.  In one ear and out the other, my grandmother once told me.  Practice makes near-perfect. 

It may have taken me 4 years to figure this out, but it’s better late than never.  I’ll just consider it a new age college education.  In the school of motherhood, passing satisfactorily is so much better than failing miserably.

But also, I can’t be afraid of failure if I want to be successful.  I will never know what is right for me when it comes to parenting if I never make mistakes.  Mistakes are the lessons we learn.  I’ve learned many lessons and I’m still discoverig the methods that work best. 

I’m learning the ropes to parenthood as I go.  With each day that passes, I realize the kind of mother I am and the kind of mother I want to be.  I know I’m doing a good job as Dawson’s mom and that’s all that really counts.

June 9, 2007

Confrontation a la Grocery Store

Dawson awoke at the crack of chaos demanding “tricky surreal wiff miwk.”

I awoke not surprised to find out we’re out of milk.

Since the Doodlebug had no intentions of eating a “waffo” instead, I got dressed in my sweats and a stained t-shirt and then took Dawson, still in his pajamas, to the store.

When I pulled into the parking lot of Copps Food Center, the very store that my husband works at, I saw a car pulling out of the third stall from the store’s entrance.

I pulled in closer and put on my signal to indicate I was going to take that spot once the car was out of the way.

To my surprise and dismay, a man in his late 50s pulled forward from his stall into the one I was waiting for. He decided he wanted to be able to pull forward instead of backing out of his original stall. His wife got out of the car and headed into the store, while he sat in his truck and waited for her.

I was pissed. There was absolutely no reason for his behavior.

I rolled down my window and called to the driver, “Sir, I was waiting for that spot. I had my signal on and you saw me.”

“Screw you, lady. There are other parking places,” he said.

“Did you just say ‘screw you’ to me? That was completely uncalled for.”

“Lady, I’m much older than you. You need to learn to respect your elders.”

“You may be an old fart, but that doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole. Get a clue.”

I thought about just driving around the aisle into the spot he vacated to steal mine. That would be the easy thing to do, right?

I don’t know if it was the fact that I didn’t get enough sleep or if I was forced awake by a demanding two-year-old, but I was not in the mood to take this guy’s crap.

I inched my car right in front of his truck and turned off the engine.

“What the fuck are you doing, woman? Get your piece of junk out of the way.”

I just smiled politely and waited. The man threatened to smash into my car and I just kept smiling. I smiled for 15 minutes until his wife came out of the store. The look on her face showed annoyance and embarrassment. I didn’t care.

When she was in the truck, he demanded once more that I move my car or he’d crash into me. I just smiled and waited, almost daring him with my eyes to do it.

“Move your g*ddamned car!” he yelled once more.

“Screw you, dickhead.” I responded. I was tired of smiling at that point.

Luckily for me, no one parked in the stall behind him and he finally backed out and drove away.

It was the most empowering feeling. I proceeded to park my car in my place and Dawson and I went inside to get the milk.

A woman in the foyer of the store smiled at me and said, “I wish I had your balls, girl. That was awesome.”

I smiled and nodded. You’re damned right it was, I thought to myself.