November 29, 2008

Black Friday Gone Wrong

I didn’t go shopping on Black Friday.  I have no patience when it comes to navigating the throngs of crazy shoppers to grab the latest HOT DEAL! at Target.  I get very annoyed with crowds, long lines and chaos.  I have enough chaos in my life.

Instead of enduring the pushing and shoving, I stayed home and watched a few episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210.  I have the first six seasons on DVD (no, I didn’t buy them all at once, too expensive) and currently I’m viewing Season 5.

It’s hilarious to watch my former favorite show, now, as an adult.  Not only do I reminisce the crazy 90s fashions, but I get to laugh at the fact that I swore I would marry Luke Perry when I grew up.  Oh, yes I did!  I’m not afraid to admit it.

After I got bored with the show I went over to Amazon.com to check out the sales.  I found a few things to add to the Christmas wish list, but nothing that I really needed.  With the economy as it is, I’m afraid to spend even one dollar on anything that isn’t an absolute must.

Even though I’m not worried about mine or my husband’s job, because we’re finally (somewhat) financially stable, I do realize the future can change in the blink of an eye.  Losing my old job last February has taught me a valuable lesson in frugality, and I’ve learned to appreciate things I once took for granted.  Also, I don’t feel content about spending money compulsively.

Yesterday, when my parents came to get Dawson for the day, my father told me about the Walmart employee who was trampled to death in Long Island, NY.  I’m appalled.  Has our society become so greedy, and so focused on consumerism?

It makes me sick to my stomach.  Someone died because people no longer give a shit about anyone but themselves.  People no longer care about the lives of others.  Instead, they worry about getting the newest digital camera, iPod, laptop or what-the-fack-ever at the best prices.  Who cares if they kill someone, so long as that present is purchased, gift-wrapped, and placed under the tree!

Is this what it has come to?  (Heavenly Father, I hope not, because this is a depressing thought.)

Have we forgotten what Christmas is about?  Christmas isn’t about gadgets, toys and electronics.  It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.  If we’re not celebrating the birth of the Son of God, then what on Earth are we doing?

Now before you get all goofy on me for voicing my opinion, please hear me out.  I know that not everyone who goes shopping the day after Thanksgiving is crazy.  Many of you are very kind and considerate and would never harm another person over a Black Friday sale.

I’m just sad because it’s become clear to me that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost.  It’s time to for us to find it again.

I’m Bringing Christmas Back.  Stay Tuned.

November 15, 2008

Did You Know It’s National Adoption Awareness Month?

Earlier this year my sister, Rachel, called me to talk about something important.  Her friend S had found out she was pregnant but she and the father were no longer together.  S and this guy already had one child together but their relationship was complicated to say the least.

Rachel wanted to know if Doug and I would consider adopting the baby.  I’ll be honest.  Before Rachel called me I had never considered adoption.  I really didn’t know how I felt about it.

One of my closest friends is adopted and for years I watched her struggle with not knowing who her biological parents were.  She wanted so desperately to know who she looked like and why her parents were unable to raise her.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her adoptive parents, she does, it’s just that she often felt incomplete because there were so many unanswered questions about “where she came from.”  Eventually, she found her birth mother and they have established an amazing relationship.  Her birth father passed away several years ago, before she had the chance to meet him.  Amazingly she did discover that her biological father remarried and had another daughter.  My friend is so happy to have a sister.

After having Dawson and loving him so much it hurts, I can’t imagine the heartbreak a woman goes through when deciding to give up her child. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted to consider adoption as a way to expand my family.

Struggling with infertility has taught me many valuable lessons.  I think knowing how difficult it is for me to conceive has made me realize that life doesn’t always happen the way we plan.  Sometimes our wishes don’t come true, at least not the way we want them to.  I know that sounds a little depressing, but what I mean is, maybe, our wishes come true in their own time.

A few months after my sister told me about her friend’s situation, a friend of my father’s called to ask if I’d like to work for her law office/title company part-time.  Since I’d lost my job a few months before, I agreed.  Turns out she practices family law and handles many adoptions.  It seemed like a funny coincidence, and I brushed aside the nagging idea that Doug and I should adopt a child.

Fast forward to a month ago when I attended a MOPs meeting.  One of my new friends and I were talking about children and she asked if I wanted to have any more.  She wasn’t aware of my fertility issues, so I confessed that Doug and I had been trying for another baby for quite a few months but weren’t having any luck.

“Have you considered adoption?” she asked.  “Both of my kids are adopted.  It’s the best decision I ever made.  Karl and I suffered with infertility for many long years.”

My friend and I commiserated about our reproductive challenges and kept thinking that God was trying to send me a message.  I mean, He was practically hitting me on the head with his “subtle” hints.

A few days ago I was doing some blog reading and I learned that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

It’s just so coincidental.  All the signs.  I’m wondering if this is why I haven’t been able to get pregnant.  Maybe I have a higher purpose at this point in my life.  Maybe I’m supposed to adopt.

I’m still working through all the emotions and processing all the information I’ve acquired.   I’m not sure where to begin, or if adoption is right for Doug and me.  I just wanted to share my feelings with you and read your comments on the subject.  If you have an experience to share, please feel free to tell me about it.

November 8, 2008

PCOS: I’m Dealing With It

Last month, I tried to do a low-carb diet.  Not necessarily Atkins or South Beach, but I eliminated all starches (potato, pasta, bread), I nixed the sugary goodness of chocolate (and it nearly killed me) and I tried sticking to a diet of lean meats, cheeses and leafy green vegetables (and cucumbers) for two weeks.

Can I just tell you how awful my cravings were?  I cannot even describe the ridiculous dependency my body had has on carbohydrates.  Seriously, it got to the point where I had dreams of baked potatoes loaded with all the fixings.

You’re probably wondering what possessed me to begin such a diet and I’m more than happy to tell you why.

Almost ten years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), a metabolic (and endocrine) disorder that affects ovulation, weight loss/gain, hormonal fluctuations and causes my body to be desensitized to insulin.  When I first received this diagnosis, I thought it was some bullshit syndrome that doctors made up because they weren’t sure what was wrong with the women who experienced the symptoms now classified as part of this disease.

The fact that PCOS is a disease scared me, partly because if left untreated the condition can become life threatening.  Women with untreated PCOS can develop diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cervical and uterine cancers and other scary things.  Sadly, this disease is genetic and typically runs in families.  My mother and sister most likely suffer from PCOS, as they’ve experienced most, if not all, of the same symptoms I do.  They haven’t been diagnosed just yet, but I’m urging them to get to their doctors to have testing done.

I went to the library and got some books on this condition, along with books on nutrition and fertility because I wanted to be completely in-the-know about what was happening with my body.

I won’t lie.  My reasons were selfish at first.  I’ve made it known that I want to have another baby (Soon, damn it!  Soon!) but that I’m not having any luck in the getting pregnant department.  Part of the blame is because of PCOS.

My very amazing new doctor (whom I began seeing this past June) prescribed a medication typically given to patients diagnosed with Type II diabetes.  The medicine is called Metformin (known as the brand Glucophage).  Metformin is given to sensitize the body to insulin (which is what helps the diabetic patient), and this can help regulate hormones and cure some of the endocrine disorder.

I’ve been taking this stuff for a little over five months and while it’s regulating insulin production, it isn’t really doing all of it’s job.  Such as trigger ovulation.  I know this because I’ve been charting my basal body temperature for months.

Two weeks ago, I went in for a re-check and Dr. F upped the dose of my Rx to four pills a day instead of two.  It’s sort of wrecking havoc with my stomach (a symptom of taking the meds), but I’ve noticed some changes since the increase.

For one, my acne is slowly disappearing.  I am one of the unlucky women post-puberty that still gets the occasional zit (or twelve) around the chin area.  Acne is a symptom of PCOS.  So is hirsutism (excess hair growth on the face and other unwanted areas of the body — I know, that’s so general).  I noticed that I had some facial hair problems (mostly on the chin and neck), but now that I’ve been taking the Metformin, it seems to be fading away.

But the biggest change is that my menstrual cycles are shortening.  Pre-metformin, my cycles were 47 days plus.  Probably why it’s been so difficult to coneive.  Each month I’d lose a day or two.  I’m down to about 35-39 days depending on other stress factors.

Okay, I take that back.  The biggest change isn’t just that my periods are getting more “regular.”  I’ve lost 17 pounds, too.  Seventeen.  Dr. F was so elated when I weighed in.  My goal was to lose 10% of my weight in order to trigger ovulation again.  I have 10 more pounds to go.

People, this is progress.  And while, it’s still frustrating to know that I’m not getting pregnant yet, it’s comforting to know that by sticking to the plan and making small, subtle changes to my lifestyle, perhaps I’ll be pregnant by Christmas.  Or maybe Valentine’s Day.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I’m also trying not to give up.  It’s like I’m in a holding pattern.  Being sick with a cold the last twelve days hasn’t helped either.  When I’m sick, I have no ambition to eat healthy or exercise. Sad, but true.

The low-carb diet was much more difficult this time around. (I did it four years ago which is how I conceived Dawson.)  Instead, I’m counting calories, making healthier food choices and exercising 4-6 times a week.  I feel good about myself and I noticed I’m not as depressed as I used to be.

So, anyway…I’m just really happy with how things are going and I wanted to blog about it so that I can look back and see how far I’ve come.  There were devastating days, I know.  I lost my shit a time or two.  But like Scarlet O’Hara once said, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

I’m looking forward to my tomorrows.

————

P.S.

I don’t know many people who also struggle with PCOS, but I’m hoping that if you are dealing with this condition or know someone who is dealing with it, you’ll leave a comment on this post (please?).  I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If you think you may have PCOS and have not yet been diagnosed, please make an appointment with your doctor.  It’s very important for you to get treatment.  There is help for your condition.  And no, you’re not crazy.  No, these symptoms are not “in your head.”

I’m happy to talk more about PCOS, and to blog about it, too.  The more informed we are, the better we can manage our conditions.

September 21, 2008

Charter Sucks

I hate Charter Communications.  I hope they rot in hell.  I have no internet, the telephone isn’t working right, and the cable is shitty.  I pay $142 a month for crappy products and shitty customer service.

Charter is company of liars.  I called three times Saturday to report my internet problems and two agents swore the earliest appointment was Thursday.  Then the phone stopped working, and I was moved into “Priority Status” and was promised that an agent would be here between Noon-2 p.m.  No one showed up.

I gave these “technicians” the benefit of the doubt, thinking they were late.  When I called at 2:30 to complain, an agent gave me the runaround, then told me she was transferring me to a supervisor.  Instead, she hung up on me.

This made me furious and I actually contemplated blowing the place up.

I’m so f*cking mad I could spit nails.  Charter, you can suck it.

So, I have intermittent telephone and internet services.  This makes blogging and working nearly impossible and I’m so angry I’m snapping at everyone, even the poor dog.

I hate Charter.  I fully expect a credit on this bill.  A very BIG credit.