Three of them were total bitches, but that’s just part of the job I suppose.

Who knew that my not so great (but desperate) decision to break a seat belt law for half a minute could drum up such outrage.  Meanwhile, millions of babies are being aborted, children are starving in third world countries, Obama is sending more troops to the war zone and bankrupting the nation with his proposed health care bill, but Lilith could care less. Instead she links to little ol’ me!  How sweet.

I’d link to the blog I mention, but I’m just not that into it.

My mother and grandmother were devastated over the loss of such a talented actress, who was 8 1/2 months pregnant at the time of her death. They also felt sad for Tate’s husband, director Roman Polanski, and the grief he felt over losing his wife. My family is of Polish heritage and back in the late 60s, there was a kinship felt for “one of our own.”

Several years later, in 1977, Polanski was convicted of “unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor” and subsequently fled the United States prior to his sentencing. He has said in interviews that he was afraid the judge would give him a harsh sentence.

Polanski raped a 13-year-old girl.  Thirteen.  He was 44 years old at the time. Forty-four.

Polanski plead guilty to the lesser charge of “unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor” but didn’t stick around to serve his time.  He spent 42 days incarcerated while undergoing a psych evaluation, but he never paid for his crime.  He fled to France immediately after his release.  His victim did receive a settlement from Polanski,  and has since stated she has forgiven him for his crime and just wants to move on.

I understand this woman just wants to be left alone, but if Polanski is let off the hook for raping a young girl, what does that say about our American justice system?  That sexual assault is okay, as long as you’re famous and can buy your way out of it?  That all you need to do to get away with rape is to flee the country in which you committed the crime?

Polanski himself said he didn’t think anyone was truly hurt.  He doesn’t believe he raped this young girl.  His victim was drugged and pumped with alcohol.  He forced himself on her multiple times, despite her pleas to stop.  She said no. Last time I checked, NO means NO.

Polanski has been living life as a free man for the last 32 years.  He has continued to make films, despite having an arrest warrant out for him since 1978.  He’s taken every action imaginable to avoid extradition, by choosing not to travel to countries that may arrest and extradite him.  In so many ways, he “got away with it.”

The fact that many Hollywood actors and actresses, journalists and artists are defending Polanski, and asking for his release sickens me.  It makes me want to vomit.

Whoopi Goldberg saying “it wasn’t really rape-rape” is infuriating.  Rape is rape, Whoopi.  If this were any other Joe Schmo, and not a famous director, you would be screaming from the rooftops that the offender be locked away in jail.

Debra Messing saying that Polanski served his time is outrageous.  If this was a case against Mel Gibson and his drunken rants and insults to Judaism, you would be outraged.  I’m certain some anti-Catholic rhetoric would be thrown in to the mix as well.

And this bullshit that Polanski has lived a difficult life and suffered through the Holocaust makes me angry.  Yes, it’s awful that his mother died at Auschwitz.  Yes, it’s horrible that his wife and unborn child were murdered.  I understand the grief and the trauma he has suffered, but this does not make it acceptable to rape a 13-year-old girl.  It does not make it okay to flee the country to avoid jail time.

Should we let every rapist who suffered the loss of a parent or the murder of a family member go free?  Of course not.  Doing so undermines the rights of the victims to receive justice.

I’m so angry about Polanski, it’s hard for me to express every thought running through my head.  But this article says everything I’ve wanted to get out.   I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Roman Polanski, you deserve to serve your time.  You committed a crime and should be punished for it.  Thank you, Switzerland for doing the right thing and arresting Polanski.  May justice be served.

Then I read about the whole “PR Blackout” Controversy and was all where the hell have I been that I didn’t know about it until a second ago?

I don’t have much of an opinion about this situation, because I don’t receive many PR pitches.  Major companies aren’t seeking me out to review their amazing gadgets and gizmos.  I don’t get invited to things like Camp Baby or the Disney stuff or the other trips that some bloggers are invited to.  I know some bloggers think they have to be a “blogebrity” to secure those invitations.  I don’t think that’s true.  I think it depends on the type of blog and the traffic it receives, as well as how much influence you have in the great big blogosphere.

Thankfully, the few pitches I do get are from wonderful PR reps who happen to read my blog and offer relevant products and services they think I would be interested in.

I admit, I’ve gotten a few doozies.  A few.  Less than ten.

Yes, PR reps have asked me to spread the word about press releases pertaining to their products, services and causes.  I tend to ignore these requests, or reply with my regrets.  But most of the time I receive legitimate and thoughtful pitches and sometimes I say yes to reviewing the products that are relevant to my blog and my interests.

Is that really so wrong?

I’ve read posts saying that mommy bloggers are only in it for the freebies.  I’ve read posts telling bloggers not to do reviews if there is no monetary compensation.  I’ve read posts that say if you do a paid review you lose all integrity and authenticity.  My head is staring to hurt.  My brain is oveloaded from trying to make sense of all these contradictions.

I didn’t start blogging with the goal to make money or get free stuff.  Yes, it’s a nice perk, but I don’t actively seek opportunities to receive free stuff in exchange for my review.

My blog is my place to document my life, to write about marriage and motherhood, and to feel connected to others in the blogosphere.  I love this online community.  I write to share myself with others who may be experiencing the same things I do.

I know there are bloggers who write many reviews and they often feel overloaded with deadlines and e-mails.  I understand they may need a break from the stress of it all.  Everyone needs a break, I  get that.  But I’m not participating in this blackout, simply because I don’t like the negative connotations it sends into the blogosphere.

I agree with Liz when she says, “But then, why take the shot at PR people? Why not call it “Write Well Week” or “Blog About Life Week” if the idea isn’t to antagonize or alienate the PR community? Ostensibly, that’s what an effort called “PR Blackout” is doing.”

If you don’t want to do a review or host a giveaway, politely say no.  PR reps understand.  They do.  I’ve turned down a few pitches before, and I was nice about it.  To my knowledge no one’s feelings were hurt.

So there you have it.  My two cents.  I’ll be going back into my bubble now.

I found this video and I wanted to share it with you, if you haven’t already watched it, that is.  Take a look, it offers a wonderful message.

Doug and I have decided not to get each other anything for Christmas.  Dawson is only getting one big gift that his grandparents (both sets) aunts and uncles and Doug and I have chipped in for.  I don’t think he’ll be disappointed, and it will save us all some money.

I’ve also made the decision to make handmade gifts, and I’m also going to attempt to bake cookies and give them to my family in some cookie tins I’ve been saving for decades — and since I love to stamp handmade cards, I’ll attach a personalized card for each gift.  Also, I’ve decided to reuse the many picture frames I’m not using, by giving the relatives a framed picture of Dawson that we had taken earlier in the year as part of my mom’s group fundraiser.

It’s a good plan all around, I think, and I believe the time and love put into this will be worth more than any purchased gift could.

Add to this the many hours I’ll have free for singing Christmas Carols, attending Mass and celebrating with family and friends, and I must say this year may be the best Christmas ever.

I’m bringing Christmas back indeed.

Instead of enduring the pushing and shoving, I stayed home and watched a few episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210.  I have the first six seasons on DVD (no, I didn’t buy them all at once, too expensive) and currently I’m viewing Season 5.

It’s hilarious to watch my former favorite show, now, as an adult.  Not only do I reminisce the crazy 90s fashions, but I get to laugh at the fact that I swore I would marry Luke Perry when I grew up.  Oh, yes I did!  I’m not afraid to admit it.

After I got bored with the show I went over to Amazon.com to check out the sales.  I found a few things to add to the Christmas wish list, but nothing that I really needed.  With the economy as it is, I’m afraid to spend even one dollar on anything that isn’t an absolute must.

Even though I’m not worried about mine or my husband’s job, because we’re finally (somewhat) financially stable, I do realize the future can change in the blink of an eye.  Losing my old job last February has taught me a valuable lesson in frugality, and I’ve learned to appreciate things I once took for granted.  Also, I don’t feel content about spending money compulsively.

Yesterday, when my parents came to get Dawson for the day, my father told me about the Walmart employee who was trampled to death in Long Island, NY.  I’m appalled.  Has our society become so greedy, and so focused on consumerism?

It makes me sick to my stomach.  Someone died because people no longer give a shit about anyone but themselves.  People no longer care about the lives of others.  Instead, they worry about getting the newest digital camera, iPod, laptop or what-the-fack-ever at the best prices.  Who cares if they kill someone, so long as that present is purchased, gift-wrapped, and placed under the tree!

Is this what it has come to?  (Heavenly Father, I hope not, because this is a depressing thought.)

Have we forgotten what Christmas is about?  Christmas isn’t about gadgets, toys and electronics.  It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.  If we’re not celebrating the birth of the Son of God, then what on Earth are we doing?

Now before you get all goofy on me for voicing my opinion, please hear me out.  I know that not everyone who goes shopping the day after Thanksgiving is crazy.  Many of you are very kind and considerate and would never harm another person over a Black Friday sale.

I’m just sad because it’s become clear to me that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost.  It’s time to for us to find it again.

I’m Bringing Christmas Back.  Stay Tuned.

Rachel wanted to know if Doug and I would consider adopting the baby.  I’ll be honest.  Before Rachel called me I had never considered adoption.  I really didn’t know how I felt about it.

One of my closest friends is adopted and for years I watched her struggle with not knowing who her biological parents were.  She wanted so desperately to know who she looked like and why her parents were unable to raise her.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her adoptive parents, she does, it’s just that she often felt incomplete because there were so many unanswered questions about “where she came from.”  Eventually, she found her birth mother and they have established an amazing relationship.  Her birth father passed away several years ago, before she had the chance to meet him.  Amazingly she did discover that her biological father remarried and had another daughter.  My friend is so happy to have a sister.

After having Dawson and loving him so much it hurts, I can’t imagine the heartbreak a woman goes through when deciding to give up her child. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted to consider adoption as a way to expand my family.

Struggling with infertility has taught me many valuable lessons.  I think knowing how difficult it is for me to conceive has made me realize that life doesn’t always happen the way we plan.  Sometimes our wishes don’t come true, at least not the way we want them to.  I know that sounds a little depressing, but what I mean is, maybe, our wishes come true in their own time.

A few months after my sister told me about her friend’s situation, a friend of my father’s called to ask if I’d like to work for her law office/title company part-time.  Since I’d lost my job a few months before, I agreed.  Turns out she practices family law and handles many adoptions.  It seemed like a funny coincidence, and I brushed aside the nagging idea that Doug and I should adopt a child.

Fast forward to a month ago when I attended a MOPs meeting.  One of my new friends and I were talking about children and she asked if I wanted to have any more.  She wasn’t aware of my fertility issues, so I confessed that Doug and I had been trying for another baby for quite a few months but weren’t having any luck.

“Have you considered adoption?” she asked.  “Both of my kids are adopted.  It’s the best decision I ever made.  Karl and I suffered with infertility for many long years.”

My friend and I commiserated about our reproductive challenges and kept thinking that God was trying to send me a message.  I mean, He was practically hitting me on the head with his “subtle” hints.

A few days ago I was doing some blog reading and I learned that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.

It’s just so coincidental.  All the signs.  I’m wondering if this is why I haven’t been able to get pregnant.  Maybe I have a higher purpose at this point in my life.  Maybe I’m supposed to adopt.

I’m still working through all the emotions and processing all the information I’ve acquired.   I’m not sure where to begin, or if adoption is right for Doug and me.  I just wanted to share my feelings with you and read your comments on the subject.  If you have an experience to share, please feel free to tell me about it.

Can I just tell you how awful my cravings were?  I cannot even describe the ridiculous dependency my body had has on carbohydrates.  Seriously, it got to the point where I had dreams of baked potatoes loaded with all the fixings.

You’re probably wondering what possessed me to begin such a diet and I’m more than happy to tell you why.

Almost ten years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), a metabolic (and endocrine) disorder that affects ovulation, weight loss/gain, hormonal fluctuations and causes my body to be desensitized to insulin.  When I first received this diagnosis, I thought it was some bullshit syndrome that doctors made up because they weren’t sure what was wrong with the women who experienced the symptoms now classified as part of this disease.

The fact that PCOS is a disease scared me, partly because if left untreated the condition can become life threatening.  Women with untreated PCOS can develop diabetes, heart disease, stroke, cervical and uterine cancers and other scary things.  Sadly, this disease is genetic and typically runs in families.  My mother and sister most likely suffer from PCOS, as they’ve experienced most, if not all, of the same symptoms I do.  They haven’t been diagnosed just yet, but I’m urging them to get to their doctors to have testing done.

I went to the library and got some books on this condition, along with books on nutrition and fertility because I wanted to be completely in-the-know about what was happening with my body.

I won’t lie.  My reasons were selfish at first.  I’ve made it known that I want to have another baby (Soon, damn it!  Soon!) but that I’m not having any luck in the getting pregnant department.  Part of the blame is because of PCOS.

My very amazing new doctor (whom I began seeing this past June) prescribed a medication typically given to patients diagnosed with Type II diabetes.  The medicine is called Metformin (known as the brand Glucophage).  Metformin is given to sensitize the body to insulin (which is what helps the diabetic patient), and this can help regulate hormones and cure some of the endocrine disorder.

I’ve been taking this stuff for a little over five months and while it’s regulating insulin production, it isn’t really doing all of it’s job.  Such as trigger ovulation.  I know this because I’ve been charting my basal body temperature for months.

Two weeks ago, I went in for a re-check and Dr. F upped the dose of my Rx to four pills a day instead of two.  It’s sort of wrecking havoc with my stomach (a symptom of taking the meds), but I’ve noticed some changes since the increase.

For one, my acne is slowly disappearing.  I am one of the unlucky women post-puberty that still gets the occasional zit (or twelve) around the chin area.  Acne is a symptom of PCOS.  So is hirsutism (excess hair growth on the face and other unwanted areas of the body — I know, that’s so general).  I noticed that I had some facial hair problems (mostly on the chin and neck), but now that I’ve been taking the Metformin, it seems to be fading away.

But the biggest change is that my menstrual cycles are shortening.  Pre-metformin, my cycles were 47 days plus.  Probably why it’s been so difficult to coneive.  Each month I’d lose a day or two.  I’m down to about 35-39 days depending on other stress factors.

Okay, I take that back.  The biggest change isn’t just that my periods are getting more “regular.”  I’ve lost 17 pounds, too.  Seventeen.  Dr. F was so elated when I weighed in.  My goal was to lose 10% of my weight in order to trigger ovulation again.  I have 10 more pounds to go.

People, this is progress.  And while, it’s still frustrating to know that I’m not getting pregnant yet, it’s comforting to know that by sticking to the plan and making small, subtle changes to my lifestyle, perhaps I’ll be pregnant by Christmas.  Or maybe Valentine’s Day.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I’m also trying not to give up.  It’s like I’m in a holding pattern.  Being sick with a cold the last twelve days hasn’t helped either.  When I’m sick, I have no ambition to eat healthy or exercise. Sad, but true.

The low-carb diet was much more difficult this time around. (I did it four years ago which is how I conceived Dawson.)  Instead, I’m counting calories, making healthier food choices and exercising 4-6 times a week.  I feel good about myself and I noticed I’m not as depressed as I used to be.

So, anyway…I’m just really happy with how things are going and I wanted to blog about it so that I can look back and see how far I’ve come.  There were devastating days, I know.  I lost my shit a time or two.  But like Scarlet O’Hara once said, “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

I’m looking forward to my tomorrows.

————

P.S.

I don’t know many people who also struggle with PCOS, but I’m hoping that if you are dealing with this condition or know someone who is dealing with it, you’ll leave a comment on this post (please?).  I’d love to hear about your experiences.

If you think you may have PCOS and have not yet been diagnosed, please make an appointment with your doctor.  It’s very important for you to get treatment.  There is help for your condition.  And no, you’re not crazy.  No, these symptoms are not “in your head.”

I’m happy to talk more about PCOS, and to blog about it, too.  The more informed we are, the better we can manage our conditions.

Charter is company of liars.  I called three times Saturday to report my internet problems and two agents swore the earliest appointment was Thursday.  Then the phone stopped working, and I was moved into “Priority Status” and was promised that an agent would be here between Noon-2 p.m.  No one showed up.

I gave these “technicians” the benefit of the doubt, thinking they were late.  When I called at 2:30 to complain, an agent gave me the runaround, then told me she was transferring me to a supervisor.  Instead, she hung up on me.

This made me furious and I actually contemplated blowing the place up.

I’m so f*cking mad I could spit nails.  Charter, you can suck it.

So, I have intermittent telephone and internet services.  This makes blogging and working nearly impossible and I’m so angry I’m snapping at everyone, even the poor dog.

I hate Charter.  I fully expect a credit on this bill.  A very BIG credit.

Republican Sen. John McCain, campaigning through poverty-stricken cities and towns, said Wednesday he opposes a Senate bill that seeks equal pay for women because it would lead to more lawsuits.

Senate Republicans killed the bill on a 56-42 vote Wednesday night. Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., had delayed the vote to give McCain’s Democratic rivals, Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama, time to return to Washington to support the measure, which would make it easier for women to sue their employers for pay discrimination.

McCain skipped the vote to campaign in New Orleans.

Yes. You read that correctly. John McCain skipped this important vote because he was campaigning.

I have been sputtering about this for days. It’s just another piece of evidence that proves that Republicans do not care about women like they say they do. I’ve always wondered why women my age are mostly Democrats and I think I figured it out. The Democrats actually give a damn about the rights of women. And while I may disagree with abortion as a “reproductive right” I do understand why so many women vote Left.

The GOP is out of touch with reality. They are perfectly content on believing that a woman’s “place” is in the home. Never mind that many women choose to be home with their children. So says McCain, “They [women] need the education and training, particularly since more and more women are heads of their households, as much or more than anybody else, and it’s hard for them to leave their families when they don’t have somebody to take care of them.”

This remark just doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t see the correlation between women finding it difficult to leave their families to go to work and pay inequality.

When I worked outside the home I struggled with “mom guilt”. It was hard to take my son to daycare each day, without feeling as though someone else was raising my child. But my family needed my income to make ends meet, and I actually liked working. It wasn’t the worst thing I could be doing. But just because I found it difficult to be a mother and an employee, does that mean I shouldn’t be upset that my male co-workers, with the same qualifications, and the same job training, received a higher salary than I did?

And what about the women who are college graduates, educated women with pertinent job training? Do they need more training and education to get paid equally? If a woman does the same work as a man, and has the same qualifications, education and work experience as that man, why is she paid less? Does that seem fair? Because the man has a penis he automatically gets a salary increase? Is he paid based on testosterone? Does producing estrogen automatically knock a woman’s wage down?

It’s true, more women are the heads of their households. More women control the purse strings. More women are in charge of family decisions. More women have greater influence in matters of business. It’s also safe to say that women are better able to influence other women on how to vote in this coming election. But the one area where women are jipped is in salaries. We are still treated as second class citizens.

Why are we treated so unfairly? Is it because we tend to be more nurturing? Because we are partners, wives and mothers? Because we have vaginas? That’s it, isn’t it? Men are afraid of the power of the va-jay-jay so to punish us, we get paid less money so they can still feel in control. On top. Like they have more authority.

I’ve got a vagina that says these men better use their salary boosts to buy protection for their man parts, you know, just in case millions of angry women can’t fight the urge to kick them in the balls.

From Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008:

It’s men like John McCain that make it impossible for women to escape these stereotypes. (I’ve found another reason to be glad I didn’t vote for McCain in the Wisconsin primary.)

**Cross-posted at Mommybloggers.