September 4, 2012

A Day of Firsts

Today was the first day of school for Dawson. He is a 2nd grade student at Roosevelt Elementary. This year he was more excited than usual about going back to school. He anticipated seeing the friends he’s missed so much over the summer. He was ready to tackle new challenges and learn amazing new things. He was dressed in a brown t-shirt and orange plaid shorts (which he picked out himself from Old Navy when we did our Back-to-School shopping) and his hair was freshly cut. True to form, I was running around the house with my camera hanging from my neck, trying to capture it all:

I took the obligatory 1st Day photos by our shrubs and the front door, and of course included little Owen as the tradition requires. I love this part of every year.

Looking back at the previous year’s photos makes me realize just how quickly my sons are growing up. They are no longer tiny infants, dependent upon me for their nourishment, both physical and emotional. They are more independent with each day that passes. I love, and simultaneously hate, this fact of life.

Dawson and Owen continue to amaze me each and every day. I wish I could spend every waking moment with them, doing the things we enjoy most – playing board games, taking long walks, writing with chalk on the driveway. But I know in my heart that I have to let them grow up. I cannot fight it, no matter how much I may want to.

I think this may be why I decided to return to school. When Owen was just 13 months old I knew it was time to complete my degree. Earning the Associates Degree was a big accomplishment for me; one that took many years to finally finish. After observing my kids’ desire to learn and grow, I knew that I wasn’t satisfied with just the 2-year diploma.

Today was my first day of school, too. I’m officially a junior in college at Lakeland Univeristy. I’m excited. I’m also terrified. Just as Dawson was nervous about being in a new classroom with a new teacher, I’m freaking out about 12 credits (4 classes) on top of being a wife, mother and working woman. Not only that, I’m studying like mad to pass my the second of three insurance exams required to earn my Associates in General Insurance.

Have I lost my mind? I think to myself that I’ve quite possible gone mad. Who in their right mind would take on such challenges on purpose?

Despite the miniscule crumbs of doubt at the back of my mind, I know I can do this. I’m doing this for my children. I’m doing this to set a good example; to show them that a college education is important. I’m doing this for my husband. I’m determined to achieve this goal. But most importantly, I’m doing this for me. I will prove to myself that I am good enough and smart enough and willing to go after what I want. I will succeed.