August 27, 2010

7.2 Pounds Down

Tomorrow I begin Week 4 of the Couch to 5K program. I am absolutely in love with running. OK, what I mean to say is that I HATE, loathe, DESPISE the actual running part. I do. I hate it. Hate it in a good way. Because when I finish “running” I feel so flipping amazing. I feel so good about myself.

Two weeks ago I returned to Weight Watchers as well. I wasn’t going to go back because I’ve joined and quit so many times — but something about this time felt different. If I could commit to a running program, then I could commit to eating healthier, too.

I started the program at 243 pounds. Two. Four. Three. I want to vomit just reading that number, but I won’t because I love food too much to succumb to bulimia. I can’t believe I’m putting that number out there for all to read. However, I think admitting the whole truth is the first step to recovery. Recovery from the self-loathing, horrible eating habits, lack of adequate exercise. I’m ready to get down to true and healthy weight loss.

As a PCOS sufferer, my weight has long since been an issue. Since that first diagnosis in 1998 I’ve had to endure the constant weight gains and struggles, the thinning hairline, the unexpected facial hair, the infertility troubles, the irregular menstruation and painful cysts and fibroids, the feeling of being robbed of my femininity.

When I weighed in last Wednesday I was 236.8 pounds. I lost 6.2 pounds in one week. Most of that loss was water, but my pants fit better and I felt better.

Yesterday I lost an additional pound. I had hoped for a 2-pound loss, but all the running and exercise brought back my period and I know I was bloated and crampy for a few days.

Tonight I went to a kindergarten orientation at Dawson’s school. Roosevelt Elementary is the same school I attend from kindergarten through 6th grade. Doug had worked late and met me there later and when he walked into the gymnasium he took a long look at me and said, “I can tell you’re losing weight. Your jeans are baggy in the butt.”

I laughed and blushed and realized I am doing this. I am going to get this damn weight off. I’m ready. I AM READY.

Now, if only I were brave enough to post pictures…