March 25, 2010

Reflections On Motherhood

The thing about second-time motherhood that most amazes me is how much calmer I seem to be when it comes to performing my motherly duties. When Dawson was born I felt as though I were in a constant state of panic.

Is he eating enough? Should I let him cry for more than a minute? Is his umbilical cord stump healing okay? Why is breastfeeding so damn difficult?

With Owen I feel more like an expert, save for those first eight weeks of breastfeeding when nothing seemed to be going right, but I stuck with it (and prayed and cursed and cried a lot) and now I feel like a pro at nursing my sweet baby. In fact, I look forward to nursing Owen because he is so cuddly and he loves to grab my nose or my cheek while he eats, and he smiles with his eyes when I gaze at him. It’s these special quiet moments that I want to burn into my mind so that I can remember them for the rest of my life.

Owen is five months old now and he has suddenly become very attached to me. He used to have no trouble being held by others but suddenly he began crying when I left the room and has learned to reach for me if I’m standing next to him while Doug or Grandma is holding him. It’s sweet yet annoying because I have no time to get things done around here. On occasion I employ Dawson to play with Owen and the “baby toys” for five minutes so I can fold laundry or vacuum the floors.

Speaking of vacuums, Owen loves it. He is fascinated by the noise and he follows me with his eyes as I move about the room. The minute I turn off the machine he fusses. Just like his big brother. Dawson loved the vacuum when he was an infant, too. Now he just likes to do the actual vacuuming. I let him help a few days ago and he accidently (or so he says) sucked up a Lego or two. Thanfully we have a bagless vac which makes it easy to retrieve the tiny toys.

I’m really enjoying my boys. They are learning and growing and becoming wonderful little people. Owen’s personality is showing. Dawson is evolving from preschooler to kindergärtner. Each day is a new adventure. I’m a very lucky woman.