November 19, 2009
One Month Later
Owen is now one month old and just when I thought I was understanding his “routine” he went and changed things completely. Perhaps it’s another growth spurt, but suddenly I’m nursing every hour non-stop and sleeping NOT AT ALL.
My days consist of breastfeeding, trying to get some rest, trying to squeeze in a shower, and taking care of Dawson’s needs, too. It’s exhausting and frustrating and I find it hard to believe that things will get better. That’s what my mom friends say to me, the ones who have older infants: It will get better. Really? When?
I love my children very much, but the time and attention they demand from me is somewhat daunting. While I love every happy moment with my boys, I feel crazy when I am sleep deprived. Last night I cried a lot because every time I tried to put Owen down, he awoke frantically, demanding a nipple be shoved into his tiny mouth. I was losing my mind.
I cannot tell you how often I think about abandoning this breastfeeding thing altogether, but the Mom Guilt gets in my way. Which is probably a good thing.
Lately I find myself awake in the middle of the night, breastfeeding and watching all the shows I have stored on the DVR. During the day, I have to take a nap while Owen “sleeps” in my arms (for as little as twenty minutes sometimes), and we all know his rapid eye movements and grunts and grimaces does not constitute sleep.
Getting Dawson ready for school and on the bus each morning is so difficult. I sometimes walk around the house while Owen is in the sling (he won’t nurse while in the sling, however) and try to get Dawson dressed, fed and out the door on time.
My days are so repetitive, yet so unpredictable. The routine is the same, but different each day. I know that only makes sense to me.
I don’t even have time to blog. These hit and run blog posts suck, I realize that. But until I get more than 15 minutes to do something other than eat, sleep and breastfeed this is probably all you get.
I’m hoping to get better at this again. I miss you all terribly.
Posted by Dana @ 4:34 PM • Babies, Breastfeeding
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November 20th, 2009 at 12:47 AM, Leslie Says:
Hang in there, Dana. Things will lighten up. For me, it was around the 3 month mark, with both my girls, that things seemed to get a bit easier. You’re a great mom. You are giving so much of yourself. I hope you get some time to replenish, too.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:53 PM, CJ Says:
Hang in there, it does get easier!!
CJ´s last blog ..The Blogging Beast