November 25, 2009

Must Have Been Gas, But It’s All Over Now

So, it turns out that Owen might have had gas.  Gas! That is probably why he was fussy and not sleeping and making me think I was slowly losing my mind. Once I began bicycling his legs and giving him an occasional dose of Mylicon drops, he burped and farted and is now eating again.  All the time.  Like normal. I think we’ve hit the 6-week growth spurt, too.

Right now he is peacefully sleeping in his vibrating chair.  I’m not about to move him.  I wanted to take a nap myself, but Dawson just got home from school and I must keep one eye open to his needs and make sure he doesn’t wake the baby.  It’s exhausting, really it is.

I’m so sleep deprived these days that little things make me ornery and frustrated.  This morning I snapped at Dawson because he still hadn’t picked up the toys he played with the night before, after I asked him multiple times.

Then I snapped at Doug for asking me for some paperwork he needed to add Owen to our insurance plan.  I was nursing Owen at the time and had to get up and find whatever it is he needed.  I didn’t understand why he couldn’t find the stuff himself.

I even yelled at Murphy for barking too loudly and too often.  And when the phone rang I nearly lost it right then.  So many noises! No wonder Owen doesn’t nap during the day.

Because I’m preoccupied with all things baby and child, I haven’t even had time to contemplate Thanksgiving.  Thankfully my wonderful husband, the one I yelled at, has taken over.  He’s making baby back ribs and shrimp for Thanksgiving.  Because we forgot to thaw the turkey in time.  We’ll be having the bird on Saturday.  I’m so lucky my husband cooks.  I don’t know how I’d manage it with a baby attached to my breast 15 times a day.

We might visit my parents and Doug’s parents sometime during our days off, but with the weather turning colder and rainier, and with Owen recently coming down with the stomach flu I’m thinking it’s wise to stay home until all is well.

I’m really hoping I’ll get some free time to spend with Dawson.  After yelling at him this morning I’m feeling guilty and I realize I haven’t been available to him like I once was.  I know that taking care of Owen is a legitimate excuse, but I still need to let Dawson know I love him just as much as always.

Mothering two children isn’t as easy as I hoped it would be, but I’m sure it will get better and less complicated as Owen gets older. I can’t imagine how I’d manage if I had more than two kids.

November 23, 2009

The Flu and More Breastfeeding Woes (Yes, Again)

I don’t know how it happened, but Owen came down with the stomach flu.  He had been having bowel movement troubles for several days and after seeing what looked like a streak of blood in his poop, I took him the pediatrician immediately.

The doctor inspected the diaper, checked over my sweet baby and told me it was the flu.  “Not H1N1,” she said, and I was relieved, but Owen’s fussiness continued and I was at my wits end.  Three days of a non-sleeping baby and then the fourth day he slept a lot.  So much in fact that he didn’t wake for five hours.  I woke up in a panic, made sure he was still breathing and promptly pumped my engorged breasts.  Thank God for Medela.

Now it seems like he’s feeling a little better, but he still fusses at the breast and I’m afraid he’s taken a preference to the pumped milk in a bottle.  I’m not sure what to do.  Let him cry a little to make him hungry?

He sometimes falls asleep while nursing and the second I de-latch his tiny mouth and lay him in his bassinet, he wakes up frantically and starts rooting and sucking on his hands.

It was so crazy that I finally just gave him another two ounces of milk and he slept soundly.

I’m sort of feeling like I’m messing up this breastfeeding thing, and frankly, I’m sick of talking about it.  For the last five weeks it’s been nothing but NURSING! and NIPPLES! and IS THE BABY EATING ENOUGH?  IS HE STARVING?

Ugh.  If I’m not over analyzing my milk supply, I’m studying the contents of his diaper like a mad scientist.  He’s still having trouble with his bowels.  He strains and cries as he tries to poop.  His face gets red as a cherry and I feel helpless because I hate seeing him struggle.

Right now, as I type, he’s fussing.  I just spent 45 minutes trying to get him to nurse, on and off, fits and starts. Blah.

Any advice?  I seriously need it.

November 19, 2009

One Month Later

Owen is now one month old and just when I thought I was understanding his “routine” he went and changed things completely.  Perhaps it’s another growth spurt, but suddenly I’m nursing every hour non-stop and sleeping NOT AT ALL.

My days consist of breastfeeding, trying to get some rest, trying to squeeze in a shower, and taking care of Dawson’s needs, too.  It’s exhausting and frustrating and I find it hard to believe that things will get better.  That’s what my mom friends say to me, the ones who have older infants:  It will get better.  Really?  When?

I love my children very much, but the time and attention they demand from me is somewhat daunting.  While I love every happy moment with my boys, I feel crazy when I am sleep deprived.  Last night I cried a lot because every time I tried to put Owen down, he awoke frantically, demanding a nipple be shoved into his tiny mouth.  I was losing my mind.

I cannot tell you how often I think about abandoning this breastfeeding thing altogether, but the Mom Guilt gets in my way.  Which is probably a good thing.

Lately I find myself awake in the middle of the night, breastfeeding and watching all the shows I have stored on the DVR.  During the day, I have to take a nap while Owen “sleeps” in my arms (for as little as twenty minutes sometimes), and we all know his rapid eye movements and grunts and grimaces does not constitute sleep.

Getting Dawson ready for school and on the bus each morning is so difficult.  I sometimes walk around the house while Owen is in the sling (he won’t nurse while in the sling, however) and try to get Dawson dressed, fed and out the door on time.

My days are so repetitive, yet so unpredictable.  The routine is the same, but different each day.  I know that only makes sense to me.

I don’t even have time to blog.  These hit and run blog posts suck, I realize that.  But until I get more than 15 minutes to do something other than eat, sleep and breastfeed this is probably all you get.

I’m hoping to get better at this again.  I miss you all terribly.

November 6, 2009

Feeding Frenzy

This delicious baby is keeping me very busy.  When he’s not eating, he’s eating and eating.  Occasionally he sleeps for a few hours, usually at night, which is a blessing!  But all day long he cluster feeds and my boobs are kind of tired.

Is this normal?  A growth spurt perhaps?  Will he forever need to eat every hour for most of the day?  Because if so, I may need nipples of steel.  Seriously.  I don’t remember Dawson doing this.  And maybe that had a lot to do with the fact that he only breast fed for 3 months.  Maybe he wasn’t getting enough milk and I caved in and gave him formula to stop the endless fussing.

Mr. Owen, however, is a champion eater.  If there were a contest for breast feeding, this baby would win, hands down and mouth open!

If you’ve worn these shoes this nursing bra before, please send me your advice.  I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants straps of my bra!

Must go feed Baby Jaws. Again.