September 24, 2009

Too Much Information

If you get embarrassed easily or are a member of my family, I suggest you hit that tiny red X in the upper right corner of your web browser.

Why, you ask?

Because I’m about to write something that you probably don’t want to read.

Are you people gone yet?

No? Suit yourselves.

Here goes:

MY CROTCH HURTS.

Seriously. I can no longer walk without pain. My groin, my inner thighs, my hips, my lower back and buttocks, all of my nether regions, HURT. Terrible, awful, aching pain.

I cry getting out of bed every morning. I cry when I have to go downstairs for any reason. Sitting down and standing up are brutal. Rolling over in bed at night is torture.

And! I can feel the baby’s head turning inside my uterus. His gigantic head is pressing on my cervix. I just know it. The nurse at the doctor’s office (I had my 35-36 week – depending on the doctor – appointment on Tuesday) told me, “Second babies do not drop until labor begins.”

“Oh, yeah?” I told her. “Well, I think you’re full of poo because I can feel his head against my cervix. This baby has dropped lower into my pelvis.”

She rolled her eyes at me. Oh, yes she did. And I laughed. Then I cried. And she quickly left the exam room because HEAVEN FORBID a hormonal, nine-months-pregnant-woman should cry.

I had my ultrasound that same day and the baby’s estimated weight is 6 pounds, 13 ounces. On August 31st, his weight was around 5 1/2 to 5 3/4 pounds. He’s up almost one pound in 3 weeks. Give or take 6-8 ounces they say. And then my doctor tells me, “He’ll now start gaining a pound a week.”

And I did the math. Technically, with 4 weeks to go until my due date, I could have a ten pounder. Like I could push ten pounds out of my vagina? I’m going to cry again.

This isn’t news to me, however. I had an appointment last week, and Dr. B told me they will not let me go longer than 38 weeks. Which, THANK GOD, I don’t know how I’d deal with this labor, knowing how large this baby might be!

While I have good childbearing hips (no lie, when I was pregnant with Dawson, the doctor at the time told me so), and could probably deliver just fine, my current doctor is concerned that I will tear and/or have labor troubles which could result in a C-section. I decline the C-section. Unless absolutely medically necessary of course.

So. I asked again about this 38 weeks thing.

“Most likely,” he said, “You’ll be induced via pitocin between 37 and 38 weeks, 39 at the absolute latest.”

I’ll need to have one more ultrasound (in 2 weeks) and if this Monster Baby is over 8 pounds induction will be scheduled for the same week.

Yeah, so I could have a baby in 18 days or so. Panic has set in around here.

Honestly? I think the baby is trying to bust out right now. I believe he will declare his own birthday. For real. The pains, the aches, the moodiness, the NESTING THAT IS MAKING MY HUSBAND CRAZY… yes, I think he’ll be here much earlier. And I am freaking out.

As long as the baby doesn’t decide to come before Dawson’s birthday party this weekend. That’s all I ask.

Okay, that, and an end to this CROTCH PAIN.