August 1, 2009
Gearing Up for D-Day (And Freaking Out About It)
“No two pregnancies are exactly alike,” my nurse told me at my recent prenatal appointment.
I was discussing all the differences between my pregnancy with Dawson and my current pregnancy, and asking questions about weight gain and blood pressure and whether or not I should be concerned about pre-eclmapsia this time around. The risk of getting this condition again is quite high and lately this issue occupies my mind. My nurse reassured me and encouraged me to discuss these issues and ask my doctor any questions I had.
At this appointment, 28 weeks, I wasn’t seeing my regular OB/GYN, but one of the new doctors to join the hospital staff. He was very polite and very Russian and I loved his accent just as much as Dr. F’s (who is Ukranian).
Dr. Petkov (and now every time I hear his name I want to say Dr. Petco) went over my charts, told me that my weight gain is in the acceptable range, but stressed that I must be diligent about eating healthy so as not to gain too much weight in the next twelve weeks. He also talked about my blood pressure. It was a little high this time and they will continue to monitor this condition very closely.
I was very happy with Dr. P, and after leaving his office I went down to the lab to repeat the glucose testing. The flat Sprite drink never gets any easier to gulp down. Yuck.
While waiting the required hour for the blood draw, I started thinking about labor and delivery again. Yes, this is another issue that keeps me awake at night. Just like no two pregnancies are exactly alike, I imagine no two births are exactly alike either. I started to wonder if I’ll ever be completely prepared for contractions and labor pains and pushing a baby out of my nether regions again.
You’ve all read my birth story with Dawson (probably more than once) and you know it wasn’t the birth experience I hoped for. This time, I’m doing everything in my power to get ready for D-day. I’ve read all the pregnancy books in my shelves. I’ve gone to the library and checked out new books that I haven’t read yet. I’ve asked female friends and family members to share their experiences and advice (and yes, some of these women have scared the crap out of me with their horror stories).
Giving birth, no matter how many times you’ve done it before, is a new and challenging experience. We each have unique experiences in our pregnancies, and labor and delivery is no different. Even after reading book after book and blog after blog and magazine after magazine, I still have one unanswered question: What the hell can I expect this time around?
This is the one question that I know won’t be answered until that first contraction begins. This is why I’m so afraid of childbirth. I didn’t exactly “feel” it the first time around. The epidural took the pain away. This time, I have my heart set on natural childbirth (because I hated, HATED, that my legs were numb, it made me claustrophobic…) and because I’m afraid of the pain (because some of my friends thought it would be hilarious to tell my how HORRIBLE and AWFUL and UNBEARABLE it is) I’m starting to think I’m crazy and I’m tempted to change my mind.
The decisions I make during my pregnancy, labor and childbirth could affect the type of birth experience I have. Any of these decisions could determine whether I have a vaginal or cesarean birth, how long it takes me and baby to recover, as well as how successful breastfeeding will be (it was difficult for me the first time around). With all the information being thrown at pregnant women, it’s hard to truly know what’s right for me. It’s also difficult to make these decisions without over-analyzing my choices.
While I’m doing my best to be prepared and to have a birth plan in place, I also have to realize that planning does not equal total control. Anything can happen and it’s important that I be flexible to any change in my birth plan, as well as do what’s best for me and the health of my baby.
So why do I feel so uncertain and somwhat terrified? I don’t want to be afraid. I want to be ready. I want to feel confident that I’m making the right choices regarding this pregnancy, labor and delivery. Will I ever feel like I’m prepared?
Thankfully, I have twelve more weeks to get ready mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Right?
Yes.
I think?
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August 2nd, 2009 at 10:11 PM, Mindy Richmond Says:
You can do it!!! Have you read “Your Best Birth”? I’m about half way through it and I’m finding it extremely helpful and encouraging. It gives a lot of straightforward guidance for making a birth plan, deciding who you want there for support, etc. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I highly recommend it!