July 2, 2009

Dawsonisms

The Doodlebug is growing up more each day. Lately he’s been saying some pretty hilarious things. Doug and I are always laughing at the things that come out of his mouth. Here’s just a sampling of what we call “Dawsonisms”:

Last Sunday we went to a church picnic with my parents and my brother and sister. We all crammed into my mom’s minivan, with my sister and Dawson sitting in the back row. My mom had a puzzle back there on the seat and Dawson opened it up and started looking at the pieces.

My sister said, “Dawson you better put that away or you’re going to have to deal with Grandma.”

Dawson replied in a sarcastic tone, “No, Rachel, I don’t have to deal.”

My brother and I were laughing for at least five minutes after that.

———-

When we arrived at the above mentioned church picnic, we sat at a picnic table and listened to some Polka music. My mother was admiring Dawson’s new outfit (a light blue shirt with a Harley on it, and matching brown and light blue plaid shorts) and she asked, “Dawson, where’d you get such a nice outfit?”

“My mom got it on clearance at K-mart.” Dawson said.

“Oh, well who picked it out?” Grandma asked.

“I did, Grandma.” Dawson replied.

“Well, you have great taste!” Grandma said.

Dawson looked up at my mom and said, “Grandma, it’s not a food!”

———-

After the picnic we returned to my parents’ house and when we pulled into the driveway their dog, Otto, was sitting on the front porch. Otto is bigger than Dawson, and Dawson is afraid of the dog because he always seems to get knocked over by Otto.

Dawson saw Otto run off the porch to greet us and started to freak out.

“Grandpa! You gotta put Otto on his leash, or else you got to carry me into the house!” Dawson cried.

My dad said, “Dawson, why are you so scared of Otto? He’s a nice dog. He won’t bite you.”

“Grandpa, I’m not scared of Otto. He just tiffidates me.”

We were all laughing, and I said, “Otto, tiffidates you?”

“Yes, Mumma. He intiffidates me.”

It took me a minute to figure out what he meant.

“Oooh, he INTIMIDATES you!” I said.

“Yeah. That’s what I said!” Dawson yelled.

———-

A few days ago Dawson and I were sitting on the couch reading a book when the baby began to kick in my belly. One of the kicks was strong enough to make me yelp, just a little, and Dawson asked what was happening.

“Your brother is kicking me!” I told him.

“Well, maybe he just wants to get out of there.” Dawson said.

“Well, he better not come out too early,” I said. “We still have 3 1/2 months to go.”

Dawson put his hand on my belly and said, “Baby (insert name here), don’t come out yet!”

Then he looked at me and said, “How come I gotta wait so long for my brother to get out of you?”

I tried to explain the nine months it takes to grow a baby and Dawson listened for a minute or two. Then he said, “Let’s just read the book, Mom.”

———-

Never a dull moment these days. Dawson definitely makes things interesting!