June 5, 2009
He Was Only Thirty-Nine
A friend’s husband passed away on Sunday after a long battle with cancer. He was 39 years old.
Thirty nine.
Ever since I heard the terrible news, I’ve been in a state of shock. Even though he was sick, even though he battled the illness for three years, even after doctors discovered the cancer had spread to his brain and gave him a month to live (and he died just days later), I cannot believe he is really gone.
I cannot imagine the grief his wife and children are going through.
I cannot believe that someone so young was taken from this Earth so soon.
My husband is only a few years older than our friend’s husband.
Doug and I are 10 years apart in age, and it was never a concern of mine until Dawson was born. Then I became afraid that he would die unexpectedly and leave me a young widow. It was an irrational fear, and I knew it. But I still worried about car accidents and heart attacks and homicidal maniacs taking my husband from me.
I worried about what I would do if I were forced to raise Dawson alone. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and making sure Doug was still breathing. Maybe it was postpartum depression or out-of-whack hormones, but I still remember being frightened about all the morbid thoughts.
Eventually my fears subsided and I began to realize that Doug was alive and well and we would grow old together. But when R. passed away, my fears came back to haunt me.
I cannot bear to think about it, and yet it’s been on my mind these last few days.
Thirty-nine.
I don’t know if this is affecting me more, now that I’m 30 years old, but I keep thinking about how young R. was.
Why do tragedies like these happen? Why do we have to lose those we love?
I think I’m going to cry again. It’s just too painful to think about.
Posted by Dana @ 6:19 AM • Bedlam,I Often Wonder
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June 5th, 2009 at 7:40 PM, Liz@thisfullhouse Says:
Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry for your friends loss. Personally, the thought of losing my Garth [not his real name] now, or ever, is just too much. Gonna hug him that much harder, tonight.
June 7th, 2009 at 6:25 PM, Headless Mom Says:
I remember when, a few years ago, my first girlfriend here, lost her husband. Her daughter is one of HG’s best friends. I remember feeling the same way. It was the first time that a friend had lost her husband to illness and it crushed me, it scared me, it made me panic.
A little wake up call for me. Long life is not guaranteed and it’s best to kiss and hug and hold close now while we have the opportunity.
((hugs))