April 12, 2009
3 A.M. Insomnia
It’s 3 a.m. -ish and I got up to pee (as per usual these days), now I can’t fall asleep again.
I laid awake for twenty minutes worrying about bills that need to be paid, taxes that need to be paid (we owe the IRS this year, to the tune of $2,500, and it suuuucks), and other various things.
I kept tossing and turning, listening to my husband’s snoring and then I thought, “If I have to hear one more minute of this, I’m going to kill him in his sleep.” So, I decided to see what this blog looked like in the wee hours of the morning. The conclusion? It looks the same as it does at 3 p.m. and I’m just a crazy pregnant woman.
I tiptoed over to Dawson (who fell asleep on the loveseat in his pajamas and we didn’t have the heart to move him) to kiss him three or four times and make sure he’s still breathing. The passing of Maddie Spohr has caused me to cling a little tighter to my little guy.
I realized just a few moments ago that my stomach is aching from hunger pains, so now I’m eating a couple saltines (and trying not to get crumbs in the keyboard).
Which Mass time should I attend? 6:30 a.m. (because I’ll probably still be awake then)? 8:30 a.m. (it might be hard to drag Doug out of bed before 10 a.m. though…)? 10:30 a.m. (the busiest Mass time of Easter — everyone goes to that one, even the part-time Catholics)?
I’ve also been worrying about my Aunt Judy (my mom’s sister). She has suffered from depression and schizophrenia for years (probably since her late teens). It took a turn for the worse after Grandma Alice passed away. On Holy Thursday my aunt tried to commit suicide and my mother drove out to the farm to handle the situation. Her brothers tried to take care of things, but it’s hard to do farm chores as well as make sure your sister isn’t trying to kill herself.
My mother stayed overnight and Aunt Judy was restless and well, crazy, until 1:00 a.m. I feel terrible for my aunt. She goes through these spells in which she won’t take her pills because she thinks they make her crazy, when in fact they make her well, and so without her medication she has morbid, suicidal thoughts. I know my mother is worrying about her sister, and she’s worried that my uncles aren’t getting enough rest because they’re trying to make sure Aunt Judy doesn’t hurt herself.
I suppose subconsciously I’m worrying about that, too. I’d like to write more about this at another time, mostly because these mental illnesses are hereditary and it scares me to think about that fact. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write coherently after I get some more sleep.
It’s 3:37 a.m. Do you know where the Easter Bunny is?
I shouldn’t make such stupid jokes. I don’t even find them funny.
I’m feeling guilty because I didn’t go to confession during Lent. I kept putting it off, thinking I still had time. It’s Easter Sunday… I’m making a note on my Google calendar for next week: “Confession: Saturday — oh, yes, you’ll be serving major penance…”
Alright. Time to try to sleep. This post is making me tired. Purpose served.
Good Night Good Morning, Y’all…and Happy Easter!
Posted by Dana @ 3:37 AM • The Mommy Files
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April 12th, 2009 at 9:22 PM, Headless Mom Says:
You mean all the people in my computer aren’t partying together at 3am! Damn, I thought I had you all figured out.
Happy Resurrection day!
April 15th, 2009 at 11:29 PM, Slimeyapple Says:
I can relate to insomnia. I’ve had it my entire life (seriously – even as a kid) and all through the first 7 weeks of my newly budding pregnancy I slept like a rock. Now, at 9 weeks – I am again unable to sleep.
I just started a new job / well – I had been working there one night a week part time for the past 3 years, and my REAL job ended thanks to the bad economy… so they took me in. I’m having a hard time dealing with all that I have to learn.
Look at me ramble! And about NOTHING! Woo!
(my site isn’t as good as yours but I’ve been busy)