February 9, 2009
Tales from the Dressing Room II
So, remember when I told you about the trip to Milwaukee my husband and I went on in January? The one where we had a fantastic dinner and saw Frank Caliendo? Oh, I didn’t finish that story? I’ll mark that on my to-do list. First, I must tell you a funny story.
Two days before our trip, I decided I needed a new outfit. It had been several months since I went shopping for new clothes and I was tired of wearing the same old stuff from my closet.
I decided to check JC Penney’s since I’m a gold card holder and they send all these awesome coupons for 20% off any purchase, in the mail. Well, the only chance I had to get to the store was while Doug was working, and I had to bring Dawson with me.
We get to the store and I began perusing the shopping racks. I found some jeans and a few sweaters to try on and I dragged the clothes and my son to the dressing rooms.
“Dawson, sit down and hang tight while I try this stuff on, okay?” I told him.
“Mumma, are you gonna get naked?” he asked.
“No, I’m just going to try on these clothes. Turn around if you don’t want to see my underpants.”
So I take off my clothes and put on the first outfit. As I’m checking myself out in the mirror (in horrible dressing room lighting), I hear Dawson yell, “I HAVE TO GO POTTY!”
Crap! I think. Here I am in store clothes, my coat and purse and street clothes strewn across the dressing room, and now my son tells me he needs to use the bathroom.
“Dawson, can you hold it until I get my clothes back on?” I ask.
“NO! I HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW!” he shreiks.
I made the split second decision to leave my clothes and coat in the dressing room, and to grab my purse and the kid and head across the store to the bathrooms. When I say across the store, I mean all the way to the other side of the building.
Dawson and I are halfway out of the dressing room when the attendant calls out, “Ma’am! You cannot leave the dressing room with those clothes on.”
I don’t stop, but I turn towards her and yell, “My son has to pee! It’s an emergency!”
The store clerk follows me as she tells me it’s against store policy to allow merchandise to enter the bathrooms, it’s an anti-theft policy and she’ll have to get the manager.
I ignore her, and go into the bathroom so that Dawson can do his business.
Next thing I know the store manager walks in, as well as a security guard.
“Ma’am, you need to return to the dressing room.” the manager says.
I’m holding the stall door closed, Dawson is peeing and this woman (the manager) and male security guard are in the bathroom with us.
“Look,” I say. “I know you’re worried I’m going to walk out of the store, WITHOUT MY CLOTHES OR COAT, with the INK THINGIE still on the freakin’ pants, and through the BEEPING THINGS by the door, but seriously…my child has to pee and if you have ever raised a boy you’d know this cannot wait.”
“We understand that things happen but we need you to return to the dressing room immediately.” she said.
I smiled politely and helped my son to the sink to wash his hands.
“Mumma, how come all those people wanna hear me pee?” Dawson asked.
I started laughing and said, “Oh honey, they think your Mom is going to steal their clothes.”
“Oh, no Mumma. You can’t do that or you’ll go to jail.” Dawson said.
We head back to the dressing rooms and I said to Dawson, “Why didn’t you tell me you had to go potty before we went in here?”
“Because you didn’t ask me!” Dawson said.
Good point. The kid is no dummy. Next time I’ll make sure to ask if he had to pee before I decide to try anything on in the store.
The good news is I did find a new pair of jeans. The ones that Penney’s thought I was going to steal. And I also found these:
I tried them on and fell in love. They are delicious. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to wear them in Milwaukee because of the cold and snowy weather, but I fully intend to wear them on Valentine’s Day.
Oh, speaking of the big V-day. Doug and I are celebrating the night before with dinner and a movie…because the next day my BFF AJ and I are going to see MOTLEY CRUE in Madison! AJ lives in Chicago and we rarely get to see each other so we’re both totally excited.
Don’t you just love the shoes? I want to lick them. That’s how awesome they are.
(Also, why do the funniest things always happen to me in a dressing room? Remember this?)
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February 9th, 2009 at 11:47 AM, Amy Says:
Dana,
I did this same thing at Kohls. No one questioned me, but I think they understood when I came running with Jackson to the bathroom with no shoes and unpaid merchaindise on. Your story cracked me up, I totally understand.
Amy
February 9th, 2009 at 11:52 AM, Dana Says:
Penney’s must have a lot of shoplifters then, for them to go all ape crazy on me!
February 10th, 2009 at 2:02 PM, The Redheaded Lefty Says:
I am scoffing at them right now. Assholes. They’re lucky to have customers when they treat them like that. If you child has to pee, they have to pee. Next time, let him go in the corner of the dressing room.
February 10th, 2009 at 2:06 PM, Dana Says:
I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but the thought crossed my mind for the next time we shop there.
But, I could never do that. Ick.
February 12th, 2009 at 6:03 PM, Headless Mom Says:
Those shoes are TO DIE FOR!