November 30, 2008
I’m the One
I am a woman above everything else. — Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
———-
Wife. Mother. Daughter. Sister. Friend. As a mother I wear many hats. Too often, I must fulfill many roles and expectations in any given day.
I’m the one who primarily takes care of the child.
I’m the one who does the grocery shopping and bill paying. I’m the one who sorts the mail and files the important papers.
I’m the one who kisses boo-boos and makes the macaroni and cheese.
I’m the one who works all day and still feels like nothing is ever accomplished.
I’m the one who loses her mind more than once a day.
I’m the one who takes the child to preschool and picks him up each day.
I’m the one who makes frequent trips to the public library for children’s books and to allow said child some playtime.
I’m the one who plans fieldtrips to the Children’s Museum, YMCA and various parks to keep life with a child interesting.
I’m the one who wishes she could have just one day — one entire day — all to herself.
I’m the one who yearns to do things she enjoys instead of sacrificing her wants and needs to those of a 4-year-old.
I’m the one who longs for her husband to say just how much he appreciates everything she does for him and their child.
I’m the one ensures her child spends quality time with his grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins.
I’m the one who tries to take care of everything because it is expected of her.
I’m the one who sometimes cries at night because those expectations are too high.
I’m the one who feels she must be in control ALL THE TIME, because losing control would mean failure in her mind.
I’m the one who feels that motherhood has stolen her identity.
I’m the one who wants ME back.
It might sound like I’m complaining. It might sound like I don’t like being a wife and mother, but that’s not at all true. I love my husband. I love being a wife. I love my son. I love being a mom. I just didn’t realize it would be this hard sometimes.
How do I balance it all?
After more than four years of mothering, and more than seven years of marriage, I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
And maybe I’m not supposed to “know.” Maybe it’s just something you “do.” Maybe I’m just supposed to go with the flow and hopefully learn the ropes along the way. Like on-the-job training or whatever.
I started thinking about all of this over the last few weeks. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m becoming physically fit that is making me want to be spiritually, emotionally and mentally “fit” as well?
How do I do that? How do I achieve that balance?
I’m the one who strives for balance.
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December 1st, 2008 at 12:47 PM, Headless Mom Says:
Second post on this today…hmmm. I’ve been doing this wife/mom/homemaker thing for 11 years now and at times it makes me feel just like you describe. HOWEVER! The majority of the time, especially as time goes on, is gets easier. Cliche, I know but it’s true. Still make time for yourself (that’s what blogging and exercise is for me), still trudge through the bills, etc. I know that Doug appreciates the things you do-whether it’s expected or not. I have a few suggestions of some books that kinda put it in perspective if you’re interested.
Know that we’ve all been there, and we’re here to help prop you up when you’re feeling overwhelmed!
Headless Moms last blog post..The Lessons I’ve Learned during NaBloPoMo
December 6th, 2008 at 11:46 AM, Kim Says:
Posts like this are really hard for me to read when my husband and I have been trying, with no success, to have a baby for almost ten years.
Your blog though – rock on.
Kims last blog post..It’d be a bloody brilliant trip, mate!