November 24, 2008
The Love of Children
Do you ever wonder how you got where you are today? I mean, take motherhood for example. Do you ever sit down to drink you morning cup of coffee and think, “How the hell did I get here?”
I don’t mean the chronology of things; grow up, graduate high school, attend college, graduate, get a job, get married, pop out a baby or two or three. I’m talking about the emotional journey, the mental preparation. How do we get there? How do we know we’re ready to be mothers?
I remember being pregnant and having these expectations about motherhood. I envisioned myself as this beautiful, trendy mom who magically fit into her pre-pregnancy jeans as soon as the baby pushed his way out of her nether regions. I was certain that breastfeeding would be easy peasy. I had this hopeful delusional idea that my husband would be more willing to help with all things baby after Dawson’s birth.
Obviously my expectations were completely unrealistic because once my son was born my world was turned upside down. I’m not complaining, because having Dawson was one of the best things that has happened in my life. I’m just trying to understand how I became a mother when I really had no idea what motherhood entailed.
Even now, as the mother of a 4-year-old, I still wonder if I’m doing it right. Am I feeding him the right foods? Is he eating enough? Too much? Is he spending too much time watching Diego and not enough time learning about shapes and colors and letters? Am I raising him to be kind and generous? Am I teaching him the right things about our religion? Is he healthy? He sure gets a lot of colds; maybe I’m not keeping him away from the germs like I should be?
I could list all the things I worry about when it comes to parenting, but you’d be reading for days. I try to trust my instincts when it comes to motherhood, but sometimes I look at the way my friends raise their children and I wonder where they learned to be the parents they are.
I look at my own mother and I wonder how she raised four children without losing her mind. I only have one precious little boy to take care of and there are days I’d like to escape from the demands for juice and crackers. I don’t want to watch The Backyardigans “just one more time.” I don’t want to play with matchbox cars and pretend that I’m a Power Ranger.
Yet, I do those things because I love my son and I want him to remember that I was there; that I was present.
I do my best to read to him, to teach him about the world he lives in. I take him to church and try my best to teach him about Jesus and the Catholic faith. I try to feed his body, mind and soul. But am I doing it right? How do I know?
Then, the answer hits me when Dawson and I are curled up on the couch, reading a story, and he interrupts me to say, “Pause it, Mumma.”
“Why?” I ask. “Do you have to go potty?”
“No, I just gotta tell you I love you.”
“I love you, too, Dawson.”
“I love you more, Mumma.”
I’m really doing it right, I think. That little boy loves me more than anything else in the world. It makes me happy and breaks my heart all at the same time. That’s motherhood. I still don’t know how I got here, but I don’t care anymore. The love of my child is enough to carry me through this mommy gig. And I’m perfectly okay with that.
Posted by Dana @ 6:32 AM • NaBloPoMo, The Mommy Files
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November 24th, 2008 at 8:11 AM, Liz@thisfullhouse Says:
Oh…my…gosh…why do you INSIST on making me weep into my coffee? Dawson is growing up to be an amazing child – heck, the boy already knows how to treat his Momma – and, I have to tell you, you’re doing a fantastical job.
Liz@thisfullhouses last blog post..Parenting Tip# 13,013: Wear Your Babies Well and They Will Try Their Best to Wear You Out, too!
November 27th, 2008 at 7:14 PM, Daisy Says:
something is obviously very right with your little guy. You can feel good about Motherhood. Have a wonderful and loving Thanksgiving.
Daisys last blog post..Magic Blankie