November 20, 2008
Today, I Cried
For the first time in a very long time, I cried because this motherhood shit is hard.
I lost my patience (as if I had any, really) with Dawson this morning because he wasn’t listening to anything I said. I tried to get him ready for school. He decided to be difficult. He refused to put on his pants. He refused to put on his shirt. Socks and shoes? In your dreams, Mom!
I dropped him off at preschool and tried to enjoy the blissful two hours and fifteen minutes of freedom from the demands of a 4-year-old. Instead I worried about all the things that needed to be done today.
I’ve been trying to get my house in tip top shape for the holidays. It’s not that we have people coming over (thank goodness) because we usually visit the parents for Thanksgiving and Christmas — I just want this house clean and orderly because I truly believe it will help me to enjoy the holidays more.
The house isn’t a mess, it’s just lacking organization. Mostly, I have a pile of mail and periodicals that I haven’t had time to sort and read, Dawson’s toy room is completely dysfunctional, and my pantry desperately needs some order. Also, our filing cabinet hasn’t been dealt with in over a year. I’ve been tossing all the things that need to be filed into a box and I just noticed it’s overflowing.
Other than that, the daily chores still need to be done, like dishes and vacuuming and dusting — and I usually manage to get those things accomplished while Dawson is in preschool.
After I went to pick up the Doodlebug from school, we went home and I delegated some chores to my boy. I simply asked him to put his toys away and to hang up his coat. Dawson flipped out. You’d think I’d asked him to do Algebra or something. That’s when I lost my temper. I yelled at the child. Two seconds later I felt guilty.
Dawson is normally very agreeable. He listens to directions and he’s more than willing to pick up his toys and do things I ask him. Like feeding the dog. He loves to do that. Today he wasn’t having any of it, and I wasn’t either.
I had to give myself a time out. Seriously. I went outside to get the mail and then took a quick walk around the house, just to calm my nerves.
When I went back inside, Dawson was picking up his toys and I began organizing the filing cabinet. It’s been one hell of a day. I’m ready for bed (after Grey’s of course). Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.
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November 20th, 2008 at 10:48 PM, feefifoto Says:
Giving yourself a time out is a brilliant idea. It’s surprising how refreshing five or ten minutes by yourself can be if you feel oppressed. It’s not a long term solution but it does refresh the same as a cat nap. Well done.
feefifotos last blog post..LOL Cats: I Can Haz Christmas?
November 20th, 2008 at 11:11 PM, Colleen - Mommy Always Wins Says:
We all have days like that, hon! Keep your head up – tomorrow will be better!
November 21st, 2008 at 1:26 AM, Headless Mom Says:
Been there, done that.
Good job on calming yourself down. Look for the good!
Headless Moms last blog post..BFL-WEEK 12
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:50 AM, Christine Says:
Nobody likes to talk about it, but we’ve all been there. Last week I found myself in my car sobbing uncontrollably after some issues with my teen. People tell you this motherhood gig is difficult, but you just don’t understand how difficult until you’re living it. Most days are wonderfully filled with little kid giggles, toothy smiles and great big bear hugs. But other days your crying in to your pillow wishing for just one day off.
Christines last blog post..Breaking up is hard to do
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:22 AM, Dana Says:
feefifoto, it works. Well, for me it does. I just wish I could give myself a time-out in Hawaii.
Thanks, Colleen!
HM, thank you!
Christine, isn’t funny how we perceive motherhood in a completely different way until we’re actually in the throes of it all?
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:22 PM, Cazza Says:
I’m sorry to hear that.
Just think Christmas season is around the corner. Yes, it would be hectic, hoping you would have some time out by then with your loved ones.
I’m sure Dawson will decide to do it your way and cooperate until the 13th Dec. Will you be happy then. I guess even in situations where you don’t agree, you can learn to compromise and agree to disagree, however still and try to live with each other.
He will try if you show your understanding and see where his coming from. It won’t hurt you.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:26 PM, Sunday Linky Love Says:
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December 31st, 2008 at 9:09 PM, The Dana Files » Reflections of The Year That Used to Be Says:
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