November 17, 2008
Talking about Depression
Yesterday morning I was startled by the telephone ringing at 5 a.m. My heart was in my throat as I ran to silence the disturbance before anyone else in the house woke up. At the same time I began to panic. No one calls that early unless there is an emergency. The last time anyone called me that early, my father was in the hospital because of an accident.
This time it was a close friend in trouble. I wish I could blog about it, but I don’t feel right about discussing something so personal — especially when it’s not my story to share. But the thing that happened is eating away at me, and it’s because this person is suffering from minor depression, brought on by some difficult things that have happened in her life.
I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t fix it. Ugh. It’s hard to write about something without actually writing about it.
I can only relate to my own experience after Dawson was born. I remember feeling hopeless because motherhood was nothing like I expected it to be. It wasn’t all bad. I had happy moments. I also had moments of despair because I didn’t know if I was “doing it right” — this motherhood thing.
One day my baby was crying incessantly. I didn’t know how to console him. I remember pacing the hallway, bouncing my knees as I went from room to room, trying to make the noise stop. Dawson wouldn’t nurse. He wouldn’t sleep. He just cried and cried and cried.
After a few moments, I don’t remember how long because it felt like an eternity, I put him in his stroller and we went on a walk down the path behind my house. The path crosses a bridge over the Little Plover River, a small stream, and when we got there Dawson was still crying. For a split second I recall thinking, “I cold toss this baby over the bridge and the screaming would be over.”
As quickly as the thought crossed my mind, the fear and guilt took it’s place. What was I thinking? I would NEVER hurt my child. Never. I was so afraid of what was happening that I turned around and went home. Immediately I called my doctor and told him how frustrated I was that day, and how scared I was for thinking so morbidly.
He prescribed a mild anti-depressant, and said I was suffering from post-partum depression. The thought of taking that medicine freaked me out, but I knew it was for the best.
Thankfully, my hormones returned to normal levels and my mental health improved. I was able to stop taking the pills and live life as normally as possible.
I don’t know how to help my friend. I know I can’t fix the problem. But, oh, how I wish I could. She needs counseling and perhaps medication. She doesn’t have insurance and she doesn’t have a job that pays enough to afford this type of care. It sucks. If only I had the money to pay for her treatment.
If only this economy and this healthcare system wasn’t so broken. My friend needs help. She needs it and I don’t know how to help her get it.
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November 17th, 2008 at 1:01 pm, motherofbun Says:
Am so sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she is able to get help soon. My heart is with her and you.
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November 17th, 2008 at 3:04 pm, Mrs. Wilson Says:
That totally sucks dude. I’ve done the depression thing and it is a MONSTER. I really hope that your friend finds some sort of peace!
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November 17th, 2008 at 8:32 pm, Veronica Says:
I hope your friend gets the help she needs. She’s lucky, it sounds like, to have a friend like you.
So I got to your blog from the comment you left on my blog. Thanks so much for visiting! And I’m glad you loved the Milwaukee show. I noticed that you live in Stevens Point. Yes? That’s where I was born and lived until I was 4. My family moved around a lot after that, but my dad and sister later moved back to Point and then to Appleton for about a decade. My sister even went to UWSP for a while before transferring.
Anyway, just wanted to say hi and confirm our connection!
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November 18th, 2008 at 5:35 am, Sassy Says:
That has to be so hard, but I’m sure your friend appreciates you being there for her even if you feel hopeless.
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