November 15, 2008
Did You Know It’s National Adoption Awareness Month?
Earlier this year my sister, Rachel, called me to talk about something important. Her friend S had found out she was pregnant but she and the father were no longer together. S and this guy already had one child together but their relationship was complicated to say the least.
Rachel wanted to know if Doug and I would consider adopting the baby. I’ll be honest. Before Rachel called me I had never considered adoption. I really didn’t know how I felt about it.
One of my closest friends is adopted and for years I watched her struggle with not knowing who her biological parents were. She wanted so desperately to know who she looked like and why her parents were unable to raise her.
It wasn’t that she didn’t love her adoptive parents, she does, it’s just that she often felt incomplete because there were so many unanswered questions about “where she came from.” Eventually, she found her birth mother and they have established an amazing relationship. Her birth father passed away several years ago, before she had the chance to meet him. Amazingly she did discover that her biological father remarried and had another daughter. My friend is so happy to have a sister.
After having Dawson and loving him so much it hurts, I can’t imagine the heartbreak a woman goes through when deciding to give up her child. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wanted to consider adoption as a way to expand my family.
Struggling with infertility has taught me many valuable lessons. I think knowing how difficult it is for me to conceive has made me realize that life doesn’t always happen the way we plan. Sometimes our wishes don’t come true, at least not the way we want them to. I know that sounds a little depressing, but what I mean is, maybe, our wishes come true in their own time.
A few months after my sister told me about her friend’s situation, a friend of my father’s called to ask if I’d like to work for her law office/title company part-time. Since I’d lost my job a few months before, I agreed. Turns out she practices family law and handles many adoptions. It seemed like a funny coincidence, and I brushed aside the nagging idea that Doug and I should adopt a child.
Fast forward to a month ago when I attended a MOPs meeting. One of my new friends and I were talking about children and she asked if I wanted to have any more. She wasn’t aware of my fertility issues, so I confessed that Doug and I had been trying for another baby for quite a few months but weren’t having any luck.
“Have you considered adoption?” she asked. “Both of my kids are adopted. It’s the best decision I ever made. Karl and I suffered with infertility for many long years.”
My friend and I commiserated about our reproductive challenges and kept thinking that God was trying to send me a message. I mean, He was practically hitting me on the head with his “subtle” hints.
A few days ago I was doing some blog reading and I learned that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.
It’s just so coincidental. All the signs. I’m wondering if this is why I haven’t been able to get pregnant. Maybe I have a higher purpose at this point in my life. Maybe I’m supposed to adopt.
I’m still working through all the emotions and processing all the information I’ve acquired. I’m not sure where to begin, or if adoption is right for Doug and me. I just wanted to share my feelings with you and read your comments on the subject. If you have an experience to share, please feel free to tell me about it.
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November 15th, 2008 at 10:15 AM, Mrs. Wilson Says:
Does Rachel’s friend still want to give her baby up for adoption? A friend of mine gave her son up for adoption and it was an open adoption. She said it was the best thing she could have ever done. Her birth son has a great family, and they get to see him sometimes. She had him when she was 16. Now, she’s almost 30, got married, had three more kids. She does not regret EVEN FOR A MINUTE giving up her son. And her son feels secure with his family knowing that his birth mom did the best thing for him.
Mrs. Wilsons last blog post..NaBloPoMo Day 14: To BlogHer or not to BlogHer
November 15th, 2008 at 1:52 PM, Dana Says:
Unfortunately my sister’s friend suffered a miscarriage, although I speculate she may never have been pregnant because I was informed of the situation just days after I considered going through the adoption process. Another reason I’m still not sure, nothing is ever guaranteed.
November 16th, 2008 at 6:36 AM, Sassy Says:
We’re going through the process over here at the moment. I’ve put all my notes and paperwork up at http://matthewandkim.net if you’re interested.
It’s intense, that’s for sure.
Sassys last blog post..Final Call
November 16th, 2008 at 1:15 PM, Dana Says:
Sassy, the fact that you are adopting and have shared your experience thus far with me — it feels like another “sign”…
Or maybe I’m just reading into things too much. Maybe not.
November 16th, 2008 at 10:22 PM, Headless Mom Says:
No adoption advice here, but I do know that it is a wonderful thing to open your heart and life to a child in need. God will lead you, don’t worry.
Headless Moms last blog post..List