October 9, 2008
I Think I’m Just Tired
Over the last few weeks my life has been a roller coaster of emotions. There are days that I am happy. And then there are days when I’m sad. Stressed out. Frustrated. Anxious. Insert feeling here.
I don’t know why I feel like my life is spinning out of control. Yet I do know.
I know it began when my father had his accident. I began feeling like time was running out. That life is too short and there are so many things I have yet to do.
I remember a moment this past summer when I looked at Dawson and began to sob. It was as though I saw him as an adult, no longer needing his mother to hold his hand while crossing the street. It was only a split second, yet felt like an eternity, but I thought about growing old. I thought about my own death.
It scared me so much that I grabbed my son and hugged him so tightly that he began to squirm away. These irrational feelings come and go. Feelings of time slipping through my fingers. I’m only 29 years old. Young. And yet I have these visions of turning forty. Fifty. Then sixty. And seventy-five.
I don’t know why it scared me so much. Perhaps, my father’s accident made me realize how precious our time is on this Earth. I can’t bear the thought of my parents leaving me one day, but I know it’s inevitable.
For the last few months I’m constantly worrying about ridiculous things. Like whether or not my house is clean, or if the laundry is put away. I worry about my financial future and the stock market, and the economy and the election. I don’t even have the desire to blog because I worry about what I’ll write.
My mind is constantly in a state of panic. I don’t know how to relax. I make to-do lists and have no ambition to get any of the stuff done.
This is most likely the reason I struggle with weight and eating healthy. It’s probably why I suffer insomnia. It’s contributing to my inability to get pregnant. And yet, I don’t know how to make it stop.
Maybe I’m just tired. They say exhaustion makes our perception of things much worse than they really are.
I still workout. I still try to eat healthy. I still try to do everything for everybody.
My mind is racing. I feel like I have attention deficit disorder because my thoughts are spinning like a revolving door. They drift in, and they drift out.
How do I make it stop?
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October 10th, 2008 at 7:22 AM, Fat Chick Says:
If you figure out how to “make it stop” will you let me know? I have the same problem.
Hang in there sweetie!
Hugs,
~ FC
Fat Chicks last blog post..Good Deeds
October 12th, 2008 at 1:10 AM, Headless Mom Says:
Pick up your bible. Just open it and read. God will guide you to the right chapters and verses. It works for me when I’m feeling that way.
Headless Moms last blog post..BFL-WEEK- Who the heck knows what week it is?
October 16th, 2008 at 4:40 PM, The Dana Files » It Happens Every Time, But This Day Is Different Says:
[...] last few months have been miserable. I’ve said it all before. I don’t want to rehash all the emotions, but it’s constantly on my [...]