August 14, 2008
I’ve Gotta Have Faith
When I was a little girl, if something scary happened, I would go to my Daddy and tell him what I was afraid of. He would let me curl up in his lap and he’d tell me everything would be okay, that he would protect me. As he comforted me, and spoke reassuring words, I could feel the warmth of his breath on the top of my head. I burrowed into his neck and chin and I knew everything would be okay.
So, how do I comfort and protect the man who has always been there for me. My father is my heart. My calm in the storm. And he’s laying in a hospital bed, as I type this, preparing to go into surgery tomorrow morning.
Originally his surgery was to take place sometime next week, but this morning the neurologist discovered a tear in the lining of Dad’s brain tissue, causing spinal fluid to leak through his nostrils. This means the risk of infection, and meningitis, is high and the doctors need to go in and stop the leak and fix the fracture in his skull, eye socket, nose and cheek bone.
When Dr. Pillai and Dr. Rao came in to explain all of this to Dad; my sister, my brother, my husband and I were in the room. They went through the procedure, and explained the risks and I stopped breathing when Dr. Rao said that there is a slim chance inadvertent damage to the brain or eye or spinal cord could happen. He said the worse case scenario is that my dad could lose vision in his eye, or the surgery could cause a stroke or paralysis. I know he said slim chance, but my mind was racing. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I realized I wasn’t breathing.
I have never been more scared in my life. And I sat in that room, trying desperately to be strong. I was paralyzed with fear. I can’t lose my father. I cannot lose him. Try as I might to think positively, to have faith in these doctors, to have faith in God, I’m scared to pieces. Millions of tiny little pieces.
And it only got worse as I had to relay the information to my mother on the phone. Dad told her not to come see him today because he didn’t want to scare her. But I couldn’t not tell her. She cried on the telephone and I tried to be strong for her.
I know he’ll be all right. But why does is the seed of doubt planted and growing in my mind?
I can’t stand this. I can’t stand this one bit and I’m frightened, which makes it ten times worse than it needs to be.
All I can do is pray. Dear God, I hope that praying is enough.
Posted by Dana @ 9:02 pm • The Mommy Files
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August 14th, 2008 at 9:29 pm, Wifey's House Says:
Oh, Dana! I’m so sorry about your father’s accident. Stay strong and keep praying. I will be thinking and praying for your father and your family.
Wifey’s Houses last blog post..Sex Facts or Fiction
August 14th, 2008 at 9:34 pm, Loralee Says:
I am so sorry about all of this. I will keep your family in my thoughts.
Loralees last blog post..Sideblog: Great diet-friendly food finds!
August 14th, 2008 at 9:57 pm, A Cowboy's Wife Says:
You and your family are my thoughts……stay positive and strong.
A Cowboy’s Wifes last blog post..Operation Fatty #3 Back to the Grind
August 15th, 2008 at 12:23 am, Nancy Says:
You don’t know me, dana. I’ve been “lurking”. My Dad was awesome. My mother was an invalid in the same house. I lived in Texas. They were in NY. Dad collapsed in ‘his’ bathroom. She was in her bedroom. It took 24+ hrs for us to get there to find that Dad was gone. Your dad has an advantage. He has a chance. Have faith. Total faith. Please.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:23 am, Nancy Says:
You don’t know me, dana. I’ve been “lurking”. My Dad was awesome. My mother was an invalid in the same house. I lived in Texas. They were in NY. Dad collapsed in ‘his’ bathroom. She was in her bedroom. It took 24+ hrs for us to get there to find that Dad was gone. Your dad has an advantage. He has a chance. Have faith. Total faith. Please.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:23 am, Nancy Says:
You don’t know me, dana. I’ve been “lurking”. My Dad was awesome. My mother was an invalid in the same house. I lived in Texas. They were in NY. Dad collapsed in ‘his’ bathroom. She was in her bedroom. It took 24+ hrs for us to get there to find that Dad was gone. Your dad has an advantage. He has a chance. Have faith. Total faith. Please.
August 15th, 2008 at 7:17 am, daisy Says:
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
daisys last blog post..Soft as a baby’s…
August 15th, 2008 at 8:09 am, Fat Chick Says:
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I asked “The Big Guy” to watch over your Dad’s surgery. Take care hun. Let us know as soon as you know something.
HUGS,
~ FC
August 15th, 2008 at 9:41 am, Headless Mom Says:
Praying for you all today.
Headless Moms last blog post..Passin’ Along The Luv
August 15th, 2008 at 11:55 am, laura Says:
i’m so glad the found the fracture and are doing surgery asap — that’s very good, or at least better than not finding.
i’m thinking of you, lots of hugs.
lauras last blog post..I Won’t Let You Let Me Down So Easily
August 15th, 2008 at 7:50 pm, Mrs. Schmitty Says:
I don’t have any answers…just thoughts and prayers for you and your dad. Hugs to you!
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..HOLY COW……
October 8th, 2008 at 9:01 am, saglik Says:
this very nice, thank you.