August 30, 2008

Eye Candy

I’m driving home from Walmart, with my sister Rachel, and a really crappy song came on the radio.  Naturally, I changed the station.  To the local sports radio network.  You know, so I could listen to the score of the Brewers game.

Rachel says to me, “You know, you’re turning into Dad.”

“What?  Don’t you mean to say that I’m turning into Mom?”

“Uh, no.  Mom doesn’t listen to the Brewers Radio Network in the car.  That’s Dad.  I’m surprised you’re listening to this station.”

“Yeah…well…you know.  I love the Brew Crew.”

“You’re gonna cry when baseball is over.  No more J.J. Hardy to crush on.”

“Nah…I’ve got Aaron Rodgers to keep me occupied through football season.”

“Dude.  Talk about eye candy.”

J.J. Hardy, my summertime boyfriend.  (Photo by adio_chick123.)

Aaron Rodgers, my other boyfriend. (Photo by S.Photos.)

Eye candy, indeed.  Too bad his good looks will be covered by a helmet.

August 29, 2008

I Was a Blogger in My Former Life

I know.  I’m a terrible blogger these days.  I admit it.  I’ve fallen off the blogging bus and keep missing the others that go by.  I don’t know how my world has become nothing but a chaotic game of cat and mouse; constantly chasing around, trying to catch up.

I’ve been working like a maniac, both online and off.  It’s the offline world that beckons me.  Preschool is nearing, which I believe will be a gift from God, freeing two hours of my time from the many demands that Dawson makes.  I love that boy more than I can express, but he definitely knows how to push my buttons and get on my nerves.

Lately, he’s been addicted to a Spongebob video game on Nintendo DS.  The game is way too difficult for his age level, but the boy SCREAMS when I tell him to turn it off and play something else.  It’s all MUST PLAY THIS GAME, and darn it Mumma, WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND…around here.  I lost my temper with him this morning and gave the damn game a time-out.

I finally managed to catch up on some housework that piled up while I was driving daily to Marshfield when Dad was in the hospital.  Doug has been helping me when he can, but along with his manly help, comes the “rubbing it in” that he does.  It’s like he wants me to express my gratitude for doing chores that should be done every day anyway.  Like the dishes.  And vacuuming.  I’m only one person.  One VERY BUSY person and I’m so tired of feeling inadequate because I’m not Super Mom.  I’m tired of feeling guilty for not being able to do everything myself.

And I’m sick of feeling guilty for spending any minute of time on enjoyable things like scrap booking, stamping and my new hobby of sewing (I bought a sewing machine.  Yes, I did.  More on that later.)  I mean, don’t I deserve to relax instead of moving out of one task and into another?  Blogging used to be my favorite hobby, but I realized I haven’t been doing anything that warrants writing about because I’m always doing something around the house, running errands or working.  (And I love work, don’t get me wrong.  I just wish my husband would understand how much I do for the benefit of this family, and allow me my personal time without making me feel guilty for it.)

I’ve got five different blog posts in my drafts, nagging me to publish them, and I don’t have two minutes to take a deep breath let alone compose a brilliant piece on why I’m pissed off at Barack Obama.  Or why I think John McCain needs Prozac.  But I’ve started and I might just publish them before the 2012 elections, for God’s sake.

Last night my sister Rachel and I went to the last preseason Packers game.  My dad surprised us with his season tickets as his way of thanking us for all the things while he was laid up.  I wasn’t sure I had the time to go to a football game, but then I realized I won’t be able to do these kinds of things in a few months when busy holidays approach and preschool activities demand parental attention.

Doug was a little miffed about my plans, considering I just went to a Brewer’s game last Saturday with my brother and sister.  Considering how crazy it’s been around here, I understand his point of view.  But it’s not like he doesn’t go fishing every chance he gets.  I need “me time” just as much as he does.

In other news, our furnace is on it’s last legs.  We haven’t used it during the summer, obviously, but we had it inspected for the upcoming cold season.  It’s been chilly here the last few days.  Summer is over, crisp autumn weather is approaching.  Anyway, the new heat machine will be close to $5,000.00.  So, I’m staying on at the part time job through the fall.

Financially, we could use the extra money with Christmas coming up (I know, don’t mention it, right?  But it’ll be here before we know it).

I think working online and working part-time and being a mother and a wife (believe me, the mothering does indeed come first) is why life is so crazy right now.  Once I get into a routine, things will be much easier.  I can’t wait for Dawson to start preschool.  Those two hours sans whining are just what I need.

The plan for this weekend is to spend some time with my family.  The local fair starts tonight and I promised Dawson I’d take him.  He is excited to see the 4-H exhibits and animals and of course, ride the Ferris Wheel and Tilt-a-Whirl.

Come to think of it, my life is like a Tilt-a-Whirl.  I feel like I’m stuck on the one that spins contantly.  Stop.  I wanna get off.  I’d rather ride the Ferris Wheel.

August 26, 2008

Make the Pain Go Away

For the past few weeks, I’ve been tired.  Exhausted really.  My husband jokes that it’s all those sleepless nights, months of insomnia, catching up with me.

Migraines come and go every other day or so.  Aspirin, or Exedrin?  Neither helps.  Instead I find myself crawling into bed, in the darkness of my bedroom, a sleep mask over my eyes so that not even a pin-prick of light can sneak past the barrier I’ve created.

I lay down in the pitch black, crying tears of pain.  My temples throb.  It hurts to cough, sneeze and take deep breaths.

Noise disturbs me.  Frustrates me.  Makes me contemplate jumping out the window.  The nausea is unbearable.

Why do I have to suffer these headaches?

It might be my body’s way of slowing me down.  Like the yellow of a stoplight.  Caution!  Slow down!  Start taking care of yourself!

It’s true.  I’ve been taking care of the needs of everyone else, before my own.

Before my father’s accident, I was eating right, exercising and losing weight.  I made time for me.  Then stress caused me to fall back into my old habits of eating crappy food on the run and barely exercising.  I’ve gained half the weight back that I lost.

In the beginning, my motives for losing weight and being healthy were a little backwards, but I did learn to put myself on my to-do list.  Instead of worrying about buying school clothes for Dawson or keeping the house clean so Doug wouldn’t be crabby, or running errands for my mother, I learned to make myself happy and do things I loved to do.

Once Dad came home, life seemed to settle down a bit. Dad is doing well, recovering nicely.  I’m so happy that he’s finally out of the hospital.  But along with that sense of relief, came the migraines from hell.

They are terrible.  I don’t even have the ambition to do anything productive these days.  I’m constantly rubbing my head and squeezing my eyes tightly.  I’m always on the verge of throwing up.   Please, dear God, make it go away. Make the pain go away.

August 23, 2008

Saturday…The Plan

Okay…I know I promised you a fabulous post and I really shouldn’t be writing if I don’t have something specific to say.  It’s just that I feel awful for leaving y’all hanging like this.  Not that you don’t have your own lives and families and jobs to worry about, I know you do, and I know you’re not waiting with bated breath for me to post.

I’ve gotten a few e-mails from some very worried pals, asking if I’m still alive.  I am.  I’m as alive as anyone can be who’s been living on less than 5 hours of sleep each night and working like a maniac to catch up on all that needs completing.

Thursday afternoon my father came home from the hospital.  He’s doing well, even though he’s very depressed about his injury and all the things that happened to him in the last week and a half.  His doctors say he is very, very lucky that his injuries weren’t any more severe.  It will be several months before he is back up to par.

My brothers, sister and I have been doing the best we can to make life a little easier for him, and Mom, who is a frantic worrier about everything and anything.  I do believe this is one characteristic I inherited from her.  Needless worrying about things that are out of my control seems to be my mantra as of late.  I’ve got to learn how to handle stress a little better.

Today we’re off to visit Dad for awhile and then later this evening, my brothers, sister and I are going to the Brewers game.  Dad had four tickets and he’s not feeling up to traveling just yet.  It should be a great time.  I definitely need the time away to calm down and relax.  I feel like I’ve been very high strung the last few days.

So that’s the plan.  What are y’all up to today?