May 28, 2008

Hello, Baby? I’d Like You Out of My Uterus, Please!

Sam at Temporarily Me is 7 days overdue, and since most of us know how anxious we were to deliver the babies that took up residence in our wombs for nine months, we’re having a Bloggy Baby Shower to let Sam know we’re crossing our fingers and hoping her little bundle of joy makes an entrance in this big bad world sooner or….SOONER!

I can’t say I know how it feels to be pregnant longer than 40 weeks. Dawson was induced two weeks early because of my pre-eclampsia.

However, my mother remembers all too well being overdue with my brother. He was due June 20th but he decided he didn’t want to stick to any stupid due date. Nathan arrived on June 30th, ten days late. Which, really, is kind of fitting because my brother likes to take his time with everything in his life. He insists on making certain all his ducks are in a row before he makes any type of decision, big or small.

Since I have no advice for Sam that will make her feel comfortable during the waiting, I went on a hunt for ten ways to naturally induce labor:

1. Acupuncture - They say various points can start contractions. Personally, I think getting poked with needles is a little insane, but if it works, I say go for it.

2. Nipple Stimulation/Breast Pump - This uses the mother’s oxytocin to stimulate contractions. Right, because the first thing a tired, swollen, cranky mama wants is her nipples stimulated. Men, beware, if you try this you may get killed.

3. Walking/Changing Positions Frequently - this is supposed to stimulate action in the uterus. But honestly, if a pregnant woman is already overdue by more than a day, she’s probably already pacing the floor in frustration.

4. Castor Oil - Mixed with juice or food it stimulates prostaglandins to contract the uterus. All I can say is ick. Ick!

5. Herbs - Common herbs used are black and blue cohosh, they are supposed to induce labor. For some reason I keep visualizing an open bottle of ground basil and a cup of hot tea. Another ick.

6. Spicy Food - It’s supposed to stimulate digestion and increase prostaglandin production. I see a bout of heart burn coming on. Probably not a good idea if labor is imminent.

7. Massage - Now this is one technique that may do nothing but distract the mama-to-be from those stupid false contractions. If anything, it will relax Mom enough to help labor start more easily.

8. Orgasm - Uh huh. We know it’s supposed to induce contractions, but when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, sex was the LAST thing on my mind.

9. Pineapple - I heard an old wive’s tale that pineapple is a labor inducing food. I have no research to support this, but I love pineapple. I might remember that one for next time.

10. Glass of Wine - Again, no evidence that it stimulates contractions, but it might help an anxious mom relax. Obviously doctors would advise against this, but if I were overdue, I’d probably take a tiny swig just to take the edge off.

Good luck, Sam! That’s all the assvice I have for you. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the little one arrives soon!

Posted by Dana @ 9:46 am • Blog Love, Pregnancy, The Mommy Files   
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5 Responses to “Hello, Baby? I’d Like You Out of My Uterus, Please!”

  1. [...] Dana offers some serious assvice (her words, not mine!) [...]

  2. So glad my wait is over! Can’t wait to see Sam’s baby.

    amandas last blog post..27 Days

  3. We used to joke when I lived in SoCal that one In-N-Out Burger with an order of animal fries was all it took to chase the baby out. Funny part is that In-N-Out is what many of the moms I talked to asked for during their hospital stay!

    Nicoles last blog post..Off to the Restaurant Bathroom. Again.

  4. Amanda, no kidding. It’s hard to wait for labor to start. Especially after nine months of pregnancy.

    Nicole….that’s funny. Even funnier, we don’t have an In-N-Out burger joint ’round these parts. Is it a dive?

  5. Both of my boys were late-and needed a pitocin cocktail to join us. Ugh!

    Headless Moms last blog post..My New Pals Are So Mediocre

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Editor In Chief

Dana Tuszke began her Mom career in 2004 after the birth of her son, Dawson the Demanding. She spends her days catering to the endless needs of a 4-year-old, vacuuming the never-ending trail of cookie crumbs in her living room, and suffering through too many episodes of Drake & Josh (or is it Zack & Cody?); all while working from home.
More About Dana.
Contact: thedanafilesblog [at] gmail [dot] com
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