May 17, 2008
Why Sure, I’ll Embarrass Me for a Wii
I’ve been coveting a Nintendo Wii for months. Many long months. Playing my outdated PS1 is like driving an old jalopy. When I read that City Mama is giving away a Wii & Wii Fit, I began to jump around my living room. And then I quickly stopped jumping when it sunk in that I’d have to reveal my most embarrassing moment at the gym.
I’ve never blogged about this moment because it’s far too mortifying. The things we do in the name of a free Wii!
Two years ago in January, I decided to join a new women-only gym called Fit Zone. I was excited about working out every day, using the combination of weight circuit and exercise machines, and an added bonus was that men were not allowed to be members and gawk at all the ladies trying to get their MILF on. It was a perfect set-up. I could sweat like a pig in the company of women like me, and never worry about being self-conscious about it.
I worked out religiously 6 days a week for three months. I had bought new sneakers, a new workout top, but I was insistent on wearing my favorite, worn-in yoga pants. I called them my Magic Pants because regardless of how much I weighed, these pants fit me perfectly, and flattered my lower half in ways I never imagined. When I wore those pants my butt looked firm and my thighs looked slim. What more could a gal ask for?
One fabulous day in April, I donned my favorite workout gear and headed to the gym. That was also the day that I forgot to throw my “normal” undies in the dryer after washing them, so I had to wear my back up polka dot granny panties. I was going to the gym, right? No one would see them, so what did it matter?
I started the weight circuit first. The Fit Zone had a series of weight machines that worked core areas like arms, thighs, abs, and buttocks and I had worked my way up to doing three sets of ten reps. The last machine on the circuit was the leg press and it was my favorite. It looks like this:
To use the leg press, one must sit on it, legs spread eagle in the birthing position, and push 180 pounds of weight away from the body. It looks something like this:
Never mind the stick model. She’s having a bad hair day.
So I sit down on the seat of the leg press, set the weight to 160 pounds (because I’m a wimp) and spread my legs as shown in the illustration above. Then I proceeded to complete my first set. As I’m huffing, puffing and pushing (also similar to childbirth), I notice the gym owner, Gary, the only male allowed on the premises, staring at me with a strange look on his face. Since I’m in the middle of shedding pounds from my ass and thighs, I try to ignore the funny look.
Suddenly one of the female trainers, Michelle, walks over to me and whispers, “Hey, Dana…how are you….Ummm….so don’t freak out…but you may want to stop using this machine….because, Umm…..you sort of have a hole in the crotch of your pants….”
I could feel my face turning 27 shades of red. The embarrassment could have killed me right there.
“Oh. My. God. And…he saw….everyone saw….Gary…he saw….my granny panties? My favorite pants! They have a hole in them!” I didn’t know which was worse, wearing embarrassing underpants or discovering my Magic Pants were torn.
“Yeah….everyone in the gym can see the polka dot underwear, girl.” I could tell she felt awful as she was fighting back the laughter.
“Yeah….it’s laundry day,” I started. “At least these are clean!”
Now, because I had known Gary and Michelle for several months and had become great friends with both of them, it truly wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it was. But when I walked past Gary on my way to the locker room and heard him sing, “She wore a pair of pink and purple polka dot granny panties…” to the tune of Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, I became flushed all over again.
I ran into the changing room and noticed the hole in the crotch the size of a golf ball. I was mortified. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the gym. It was June before I got up the courage to step foot into the place. Thankfully, no one ever mentioned the incident again, but I’m sure they’ve never forgotten.
Posted by Dana @ 6:30 PM • Contests, Giveaways & Sweepstakes, Health, Wellness, Fitness, Exercise
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May 17th, 2008 at 9:34 PM, Kat Says:
OK – that stick drawing is hilarious! You are so talented. At least your granny panties had coverage to them! I linked your story up on my blog as well. There’s some stiff competition for this Wii. I’m not against ganging up on other bloggers and ‘Tonya Harding’ them.
Kats last blog post..Trying to win a Wii Fit (to go with my Honda Fit)
May 17th, 2008 at 9:36 PM, Dana Says:
OMG, Kat. I’m gonna pee my pants. Tonya Harding them! That is the best!
May 17th, 2008 at 10:21 PM, Stefania/CityMama Says:
Aaack! Been there. I snagged my jeans on a first date and didn’t realize it until I got home. Also was wearing granny panties because you know, first date and I just wasn’t that into him.
Stefania/CityMamas last blog post..Who wants a Nintendo Wii + Wii Fit? Come on, you know you do.
May 17th, 2008 at 10:24 PM, Dana Says:
I’m telling you….that has to be the worst — rips of any sort!
I love the classic S&TC line. One of my favorites.
And at least you had a valid excuse never to see him again!
May 18th, 2008 at 5:09 PM, RubiaLala Says:
THAT sucks. I can’t decide which is worse either!
RubiaLalas last blog post..Mislead
May 19th, 2008 at 12:27 AM, Leslie Says:
Oh, Dana. That’s embarrassing, but oh so funny! And I love your stick woman. She’s hot!
Leslies last blog post..A Star Is Born
May 19th, 2008 at 12:43 AM, Leslie Says:
Oh, Dana! That’s embarrassing, but funny. And I love your stick figure woman. She’s hot!
May 19th, 2008 at 7:51 AM, dana Says:
Thanks, girl!
I try! Artistry is not my thang. 
danas last blog post..Why Sure, I’ll Embarrass Me for a Wii
May 19th, 2008 at 7:29 PM, Liz Says:
Oh my Lord, I must get me some polka dot underwears and that stick figure is totally hawt – didn’t know you were into blondes ;o)
Lizs last blog post..Uh-oh, looks like I’m wading in the shallow end of forty-something!
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:59 AM, lizriz Says:
Awesome. Love the illustrations!
lizrizs last blog post..I own butt shorts.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:21 PM, Wii Game World Says:
Wow, I hope you win as that’s horrible for anyone (granny panties or not!) and by the way, “Get their MILF on” – Too Funny.
August 7th, 2008 at 8:51 PM, Dean Says:
Too funny, I needed a good laugh and I got one, your a good sport for posting that, I hope you win the Wii.