May 8, 2008
Why Getting My Workout Isn’t Working Out
Over the last few months I’ve been slacking when it comes to my exercise regime. You may recall that my family has joined the YMCA and for the first three months I went to aerobics, yoga and Butts ‘n Guts classes religiously. Then I got terribly busy with work and life, caught a terrible cold, and let my routine lapse.
In the last week, I’ve made it to the gym every day but Sunday, and now that the weather is nicer, Dawson and I go on many bike rides and walks. As much as I love to being outside, nothing compares to the rush of endorphins I get from 60 minutes on the elliptical.
My only problem is that lately I can only go to the gym when Doug is home to watch Dawson, because my son has decided he hates Adventure Alley, the childcare room where kids go so their parents can work out.
Dawson used to love playing with all the toys and climbing the ginormous play structure, complete with slides and tunnels. Now he screams the second I leave the room, and my first instinct is to tell him to “Stop acting like a baby and go play goshdarnit!”
I’ve tried to reason with him. Before we even leave the house I do my best to prepare him for what is going to happen.
“Dawson,” I say, squatting down to his eye level. “You and Mommy are going to the YMCA. Mommy is going to go downstairs to the Fitness Center and work out, and you are going to have SO! MUCH! FUN! in Adventure Alley. You get to play with the other kids and do fun things! And when I’m all done, I’m going to come back upstairs to get you. Okay?”
“NOOOOO! NO! I don’t wanna go to the Y! Dawson wants to stay home with Mommy!” he shrieks.
“Dawson, why don’t you wanna go to the Y?” I ask.
“I’m too scared. I’m scared of those kids. I wanna stay with Mommy.” he tells me.
It’s so frustrating. I want to console my child and help him get over his fears, but he’s been to Adventure Alley so many times before. I don’t know if it’s because I’m home every day that Dawson has become so clingy, or if he really is scared. Is he afraid to interact with other children? Is he just overly shy?
Whenever we go to the library or the park, Dawson mostly keeps to himself. Other kids try to play with him and he just does his own thing. Most of the time there are several other kids his age following him around while he plays. In my head, he’s a leader and not a follower, but I worry that he’ll never make new friends. Right now, he only plays with kids he knows.
I don’t want to push him to do something if he isn’t ready, but I can’t stop feeling somewhat furious. As a mother, I think it’s important to have time to myself, and I love going to the gym. I feel like Dawson is preventing me from doing this, and I don’t think I should make special accommodations for him just so I can work out.
I hate feeling like I’m being held hostage, simply because my almost 4-year-old has a delayed case of separation anxiety. I’m at a loss, here. I don’t know what else to do, and if Dawson continues to act this way, he’s going to be a bear when he realizes I’ve enrolled him at the YMCA preschool this fall.
What I find intriguing is that Dawson wants to do things by himself more often these days. He’s showing progress in the Independence Department, except when it comes to this situation. What gives?
Any suggestions for helping a preschooler get over his fear of socializing with other kids?
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May 8th, 2008 at 2:41 pm, White Hot Magik Says:
Is he okay when you go back to get him? I know from working in the nursery in church, the kids often fuss when mommy leaves but get over it soon after. While there could be a legit problem, he probably just would prefer to be with you. I always hang out a bit too just to know what the routines are, chat with the teachers, see what is going on so they feel more confident and my kids and I can talk about it and the other kids to encourage them making friends.
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May 8th, 2008 at 4:18 pm, Roxanne Says:
It may or may not be a fear of socializing. At his age, though, it’s more likely to be a power trip. He knows that his actions can keep you from doing what you want to do. That’s something that he can control. He knows that you will feel guilty if you leave a screaming preschooler in Adventure Alley, so he screams. Chances are, if you are firm with him, he will stop screaming once it becomes apparent that you are not going to run back there to get him.
Don’t make a big deal of it. Just take him to the daycare, tell him that you will see him after you are done, hug and kiss him, then walk away as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. It will probably take a few sessions before he gets used to the routine, but hang in there, because it needs to be done. Not just for you, but for him, as well.
I do recommend that you let the providers know that he may put up a fight at first. They have seen it all before, but it helps for them to know that you are aware of his anxiety.
Good luck!
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May 8th, 2008 at 5:55 pm, Dana Says:
Thanks WHM and Roxanne! Great advice. I did warn the girls last time and they seemed perfectly capable of handling the situation - and one gal mentioned he was just really clingy the entire hour I was gone. Practice makes perfect I suppose.
May 11th, 2008 at 9:34 pm, Shannon Says:
This is definitely a challenging parenting issue. Both of my kids HATED those day care places. I tried and tried all sorts of ways to get them to deal with it and they never got any better. I finally realized that my kids simply don’t like being around tons of people. It was overwhelming for them and they got no attention.
I don’t know what time of day you go, but if it’s busy maybe you could try a quieter time of day and see if he feels less afraid?
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May 11th, 2008 at 9:56 pm, Dana Says:
That is great advice! Thank you! Usually I go during the day — mid-afternoon and he’s one of about 15 kids. Maybe that is overwhelming to him. I never thought of it that way.