March 5, 2008
Untitled Rambling
I have a post that I desperately want to write, but I can’t find the proper words. It’s a topic that is important to me, but I know if I start to talk about it, it’ll just sound like a whiny, cranky, “why, Dear God, why? Why is this not happening?” kind of post and I don’t want it to be like that.
All I can say is: Eleven Months. And nothing. No matter how hard I try to trust in God and to believe that it will happen whenever He wants it to, I still get upset and depressed and I cry and cry and cry. I cry in the privacy of my own room, where no one can hear me or see me, so naturally they won’t know it bothers me. But it does.
I ignore the questions from family and friends asking, “when?” because I don’t know. I. Don’t. Know.
And every day I’m constantly reminded of the joy that others are experiencing, and I am so very happy for them. So happy. And yet, in the back of my mind I resent that happiness because, really, it isn’t mine. I know it sounds selfish. I admit that. And I’m working through that, but it’s difficult because it hurts to think about it.
It’s just disheartening to know that something is wrong, again. Add to this emotional roller coaster a job loss, uncertainty as to what the hell I’m doing with my life, and no wonder God says it’s not the right time.
I know this post is a rambling mess, and I’m sorry. I just need to vent. See? Whiny, cranky mess. I told you so.
Posted by Dana @ 9:12 am • Uncategorized
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March 5th, 2008 at 12:20 pm, seven Says:
I’m so sorry… it sucks to wait so long for something and feel like God will never give you what you long for. I don’t have any platitudes for you (and those wouldn’t help anyway), but I will say that I understand.
March 5th, 2008 at 12:25 pm, Dana Says:
Thanks, sweetie! That means a lot to me.
March 5th, 2008 at 12:33 pm, mammacheryl Says:
It sometimes feels good to vent, even though it doesn’t accomplish much most of the time. Like seven said, platitudes won’t help you… so I will say that you are loved, and you are fulfilling all of God’s expectations of you, even when you question things.
March 5th, 2008 at 12:38 pm, Wifey's House Says:
You’re NOT a whiny, cranky mess … you’re human. Sometimes venting and boo-hooing is good for the soul. Keep your head up, faith strong and hang in there. And, don’t be so hard on yourself! Smiles!
March 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm, Leslie Says:
Better to vent and let it out than keep it inside, festering. We’re all here for you, even if all we can do is listen.
March 5th, 2008 at 3:09 pm, Liz Says:
I agree with your readers - and as your friend - please know that I would once consider you a whiner! I’m here for you, though. Vent away.
March 5th, 2008 at 3:45 pm, Jess Says:
I agree with everyone else. You are not a rambling mess. Struggling like this is so hard and your blog is the perfect space to vent about your feelings and try to keep things in perspective.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:25 pm, Jennifer Says:
Not a mess, cranky or otherwise. It all sounds like a lot for any person to handle. Sending good thoughts.
March 5th, 2008 at 9:05 pm, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:
Isn’t that why we have blogs in the first place?
I wish I could do something to help or at least to make you feel better, but I know I can’t.
Just know that you have friends that care about you and you can complain to us any time, and we’ll understand.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:52 am, Sarah (Genesis Moments) Says:
Thanks for stopping by!
We all have days(months, years) like what you mentioned above! Go do something fun, distracting and totally for you! Take your mind off it today and then say the same thing tomorrow!
God Bless!
March 12th, 2008 at 7:05 pm, Christina Says:
You’re allowed to whine, rant, curse, whatever you want. It is frustrating and I can see how much it hurts.
Hopefully it’ll happen for you soon. Totally off the wall, but have you thought of trying acupuncture to help? I know it sounds silly, but I’m a big believer in alternative medicine.