February 25, 2008

Free Time

Now that I’ve been home for a few days, Dawson has been glued to my side. I cannot use the bathroom without him barging in to make sure I haven’t disappeared forever. I don’t understand why he’s acting so clingy. He sits next to me through out the day. If I switch chairs in the living room, he will follow. I love the extra time I have to spend with him, but I can only take being smothered for so long.

Yesterday, I spent the day with my mother. Dawson was very mad that he couldn’t come along, but my husband reasoned that I will have plenty of time alone with the Doodlebug, so I should take advantage of my time away. Doug and Dawson spent the day at home playing with Matchbox race cars, and my mom and I went to Marshfield to checkout the Figi’s outlet store. On the way back we had lunch at a local dive, Sunrise Restaurant, and the food was delicious. Cheap prices and huge plates. I had the Gyro platter and I was stuffed for hours after we left.

After I took Mom home, I spent some time at her house, talking about my job options with her and my father. Dad suggested I open an at-home daycare because our house is in the prime location, between two elementary schools in a part of town that is filled with young families. I’m definitely considering the idea, and if Doug goes along with it, I’ll be even happier.

For years, I’ve wanted to stay home with Dawson. If I can do that and still contribute to the family income, my life would be complete. Wish me luck. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do!

I’ve managed to get a lot of housework completed these last few days, a major accomplishment, and Doug loves coming home to a clean house. (A plus! I’ll use that in my case to persuade him to allow me to work from home.)

I’m off to tackle Dawson’s room. It looks like a tornado has blown right through it.

February 23, 2008

On the Job Front

I spent most of the yesterday updating my resume and creating a new cover letter for a few jobs that I intend to apply for. I haven’t decided what I want to do, but I’d like to get back into the interview process. I don’t think it hurts to apply for a position, especially because I’m not obligated to accept a potential offer.

Since every company has a different interview style, I figured a few practice runs might give me the confidence I need to go through this job hunting process all over again.

I have to say I’m less depressed today than the day before and each day I find myself becoming a little more optimistic. I’ve got a new attitude and like so many of you advised me, getting fired has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I’ve realized that even though I loved my old job, I had so much potential I wasn’t using to the fullest extent.

While I will definitely miss the patients that I grew close to, I’m sure they understand that I didn’t leave them to graze in a greener pasture, but I certainly hope the opportunities that come my way are good ones.

That being said, I have no idea what to do next. Right now there are several jobs in the insurance industry available, but I sold insurance for over three years at the job I held before working in Audiology. I’m not sure if I want to go back to Corporate America, although the financial gain is quite grand.

As a mother, ideally, I’d love to work from home. I’ve applied for a few paid blogging gigs and I’m confident I would be very successful.

There’s just one problem. The man I love doesn’t see paid blogging, or working from home, as a lucrative business opportunity. He still considers it a “paid hobby” and while he’s not against it, he has his reservations. I keep telling him that writing makes me happy and I enjoy it. If I can pay a few bills in the process, my life would be complete.

I would give anything to be home more with Dawson. Before long he’ll be off to kindergarten and I’ll miss the little terror. Although, staying home full time might drive me a little crazy.

Perhaps I’ll take a part time job just to get out of the house once in awhile. I’ve found several part time openings in retail, but I don’t think I can stand working at a teeny-bopper clothing store.

Thankfully, I have a lot of time on my hands — time to really think about what is right for me.

So, that’s where things are at right now.

By the way, if you haven’t been over to BlogHer in awhile, please stop by. I’ve elaborated on my vote for Barack Obama in the Wisconsin primary, and if I do say so myself, it’s pretty darn good. It’s one of the best things I’ve written in quite some time.

Also, BlogHer member Suzanne shares her personal story about her recent home foreclosure. She has reminded me that foreclosure is real, it’s a struggle, and it can happen to anyone. Please read her post and send good luck her way!

February 22, 2008

Not So Private Parts

First and foremost, I want to thank you all for your comments and e-mails after my very bad day yesterday. I will be eternally grateful for all the good advice, cheerful support and good wishes. There are no words to describe the love that has filled my heart from each one of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I’ve discovered a few things about my unfortunate situation.

First, it’s not the end of the world. I truly believe that better things are in store for me, I just need to figure out what they are. Second, I’ve got a lot of free time now, and I have been able to focus on some tasks and projects I neglected because I was working full time. Lastly, I’m enjoying the amount of time I can spend with Dawson. In just twenty-four hours, I’ve learned that my son is a comical boy and he loves to make his mother laugh.

For instance, last evening I decided it was time to stop feeling depressed and take a freakin’ shower. I couldn’t wait to jump under the hot water and wash away my troubles. On my way to the bathroom, I announced to the hubs, “I’m going to shower, so please watch the Doodlebug.”

Dawson followed me and said, “Mumma, Dawson wants to take a shower, too, okay?” Those big blue eyes melt me every time. I couldn’t say no.

I’ve allowed Dawson to shower with me before. Frankly, it’s ten times easier than trying to squeeze him into his tiny tub (we don’t have an operating bathtub in our house, we had to postpone our bathroom remodeling plans due to finances).

I’ve never felt uncomfortable about Dawson seeing me naked because I don’t want him to have a negative image about the naked body. I believe that if I’m comfortable with it, then it’s okay. (However, my mother doesn’t agree with me. Her fear is that my son will grow up “different”. I’m not sure what “different” is code for, but I have a hunch.)

Anyway, Dawson and I got into the shower, I lathered him up and then let him play with his bucket and shovel while I finished washing my hair. When we were finished, I wrapped him in his towel and put on my bathrobe.

“Mummy, what’s that on your wegs?” Dawson asked.

“What sweetie?” I asked. “There’s nothing on my legs.”

“No, Mumma, right there,” he said, as he pointed to my nether regions.

“Honey, what do you think that is?” I asked.

“It’s itchies, Mummy. Dawson doesn’t have itchies. I gots a penis.” I was so proud that my little Bug knew the proper name for his anatomy.

“Yes, honey you have a penis, but Mommy has a vagina.”

“Mommy doesn’t have a penis?”

“No. Mommies don’t have penises. Only boys have penises.” I started to laugh. My mother would be horrified if she heard this conversation.

“Daddy have a penis, too, Mommy.”

“Yes. He does.”

Suddenly Dawson ran out of the bathroom and yelled to the hubs, “Daddy, you have a penis?”

“Last time I checked,” he replied.

“I’d like to see.” Dawson said, as though he just wanted to confirm that his father did, in fact, have a penis.

I’m still laughing about this today. (And I can’t help but wonder at what I should teach him about keeping his penis in the privacy of his underpants.)

February 21, 2008

Bad News for this Mama Bear

It’s 1:29 a.m., and I can’t sleep. I’m worried and anxious. I lost my job today. I’ve never been laid off before. To say that I’m afraid is an understatement. I’m entirely freaked out. And I’m trying to stay positive for the sake of my family, and my mental health. This couldn’t come at a more terrible time. I’m not saying that any time is a good time to be jobless, but holy shit am I scared.

The company I worked for gave me the ax twelve hours ago. They say they were having financial troubles and had to eliminate some positions . Mine was one of them. It sucks ass. But I really think things will get better. I have to believe it or I’ll lose my mind.

There really isn’t much else to say. I’m still in shock. My overloaded brain still thinks I have to get up for work in five hours. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I keep thinking of all the bills we have to pay and worrying about where that money will com from. Selfishly, I keep worrying about how I will get to BlogHerCon in July. Isn’t that crazy? That trip is a luxury and here I am, trying to figure out a way to make it all work.

But it will work out. I have to be optimistic. As they say, “Everything happens for a reason.” Well gosh darn it, Everything, will you please tell me what your reasons are?

I’m thinking I’ll take a few deep breaths, get through the weekend and start evaluating my options on Monday. My head still hurts from crying. And that’s so embarrassing. I’ve been out of work less than a day and I cried about it. I can’t imagine how others who have been out of work for much longer feel. I do know it’s depressing and devastating.

If anyone has any good luck they could send my way, I could really use it.