December 30, 2007

Blah, Blah, Blog

That’s how I feel today. Before Christmas, I had a million ideas for blog posts. Now that I’ve been off from work (and have a little more time to blog), I can’t seem to remember what they were. Stupidly, I forgot to write down my ideas.

With the New Year speeding its way into my life, I’ve tried to think of a few resolutions. But, I know that I never stick to them. Resolutions only work for about three weeks – a month if I’m lucky – and then I go back to my old ways.

I always vow to go to the gym, eat healthier, exercise more, and spend more time with family, worry less about work, blog more, etcetera, and etcetera.

What I really need is to make a resolution to stick to my resolutions. Is that possible?

Every day that I’ve been home with Dawson has been a non-stop SpongeBob SquarePants marathon. I am so sick of the square sponge, and I actually like that show. I didn’t really care for it in the beginning, but Doug has helped me to see the error of my ways. It’s actually quite funny.

Recently, we started watching Barnyard, and I’ve been cracking up at these funny cartoon cows, and other farm animals on the show. Dawson likes it, too. It’s really cute.

It snowed like crazy on Friday morning, and Friday afternoon. When Doug got home from work, I made him bundle Dawson up in his winter gear to take him outside. The child had so much energy to burn. I figured if he helped Daddy shovel, he would tire quickly and I could get some time to myself.

After a little while I went outside, too. I took some pictures of the little man shoveling snow with his Daddy. He was more or less blowing snow around and not helping much at all, but it sure was cute to see him try.

The potty training is kind of lagging. I’m trying not to push Dawson too much, so we’re just going with the flow. Literally. I’ll update his progress in another post. I’m tired of all the potty talk.

Tomorrow, we’re having wireless internet installed so that I can use my laptop at home. Right now, we’ve got Charter high-speed on the PC, but then only one of us can use the internet. This is such a burden, so I called the company and I was amazed that I could add wireless to our existing account for an additional $4 a month. Had I known that, I would have done this a long time ago. I thought it would be very expensive to add this feature.

My parents are having a New Year’s Eve party tomorrow night. Our family friends will be there, and I told my husband that I want to drink and he can be the designated driver. Otherwise we’re staying overnight at my parents house. He’s not too keen on that idea, but I think it’s time I got to have some fun, too.

So, other than hanging out at home and following the almost-potty-trained little boy around, nothing very exciting is happening. It’s actually kind of nice not to have to worry about going places and doing things. I’m trying to enjoy this time while I can. Soon enough, I’ll be back at work, wishing I had more time off.

Happy Early New Year, everyone!

December 29, 2007

Training Camp

For the last three days, I’ve been trying to potty-train Dawson.  We started this VERY! BIG! DEAL! on Thursday, and it’s been quite a challenge – both for Dawson and for me.

This is the third attempt to ditch the diapers.  Dawson has shown interest in the potty chair since he was a little over two years old, but overall, he’s been reluctant to go on the potty consistently.

We’ve had successes, we’ve had failures — but I’m hoping that this will be the time he “gets it”.  I’ve had several days off from work so I decided it was the perfect time to create “Potty Training Camp”.

I placed the potty chair in the center of the living room, with the idea that if the potty was close by, perhaps Dawson would be reminded that pee belongs inside it.

Honestly, I have no idea what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.  This task is more difficult than I expected it to be, and maybe I was more reluctant to do this than I thought.

I mean, yeah, it would be wonderful to never change another diaper again, but visions of poop and pee on my carpet have haunted me.  I worry that I’ll lose my patience (and my will) with each accident I clean off the floor.

But then I thought, it’s now or never – so I invested in several bottles of Resolve carpet cleaner and said, “Let the training begin!”

The first day wasn’t terrible; it was easier than I thought it would be.  I put Dawson into some underpants with Lightning McQueen on them.  He was happier than a lark.

“Look, Mumma!  I got Light’n MaKeen undies on my dupa!” he exclaimed.  He seemed very excited, and he peed on the floor twice before he figured out he had to go and ran over to the potty.

I had to watch Dawson’s every move, because I didn’t know his routine.  It seemed ridiculous to follow him all over the house, but I didn’t want him to have accidents all over the house.  Ironically, I started having flashbacks of potty-training our dog, Murphy — and believe me when I tell you, dog training is so much easier!

Dawson peed in the potty chair twice that day, and when I realized he was crabby and overtired; I put a pull-up on him and sent him to bed.  Then I panicked.  What if he thought it was a diaper and did all his business in that?  What if all the training was reversed?

I decided not to worry about it.  I was doing the best I could.  I didn’t get mad when he had an accident because I didn’t want to discourage him.  I rewarded him with treats for each successful deposit into the potty chair.  We were on the right track.  That is, until Friday, when he decided he no longer wanted to sit on the potty chair with Elmo and Cookie Monster on it.

I had a little talk with Dawson, telling him that big boys wear underpants and instructed him to pick out a pair from his dresser.  He came out wearing his Scooby Doo underpants.  I gave Dawson a little pep talk, telling him to try to hold it until he could get to the potty and sit down.  Every ten minutes I asked Dawson if he had to use the potty.

“Nope.  Pretty soon,” he said.

Then I caught him sitting behind the reclining chair and I knew something was going on back there.  (Oh, bad pun!)  Sure enough, Dawson had started to go Number 2.  I carted him over to the potty chair and told him that poop belongs in there.

With each successful trip to the potty, I told Dawson he could call Grandma and Grandpa and tell them the news.

“Poppa!  Nonna!  I went on the potty two times today!  I’m a big boy!” he shrieked excitedly.

My parents praised him and told me to call every time he went, so that we could form a support network for Dawson.  I thought that was a magnificent idea.

Then, this morning, we had another accident.   This time, Doug was around for all the commotion.

My husband isn’t so patient with this process, however.  His first instinct was to lecture the 3-year-old when he couldn’t make it to the potty chair in time.  Dawson had been playing in his room and he screamed, “Daddy, I have to go poop!” while running to the potty, but he didn’t get there fast enough.

I had to lecture my husband — to tell him that he needs to be encouraging, not discouraging and made him apologize to our Doodlebug.  I think the hubs is irked at me, but I can’t risk reversing all the time and effort I’ve put into this.
After two and half days of this potty business, I’m starting to have doubts and fears.  What if he doesn’t get this?  What if I’m not doing this the right way?

On top of that, I feel like a hostage inside my own house.  I can’t possibly take him anywhere in the midst of training, because he still doesn’t understand the concept of a big potty yet.

I never imagined that potty-training a toddler would cause me to doubt my parenting skills.  But it does.  And it’s absolutely awful.  This isn’t the first time I’ve felt like a failure as a mother.  I remember when I stopped nursing, how guilty I felt, and how I questioned myself over and over again as to whether I made the right decision.

With every milestone my son achieves, I start to wonder if I’m a good mother.  It’s ridiculous, I know – but I can’t help it.  It must be in my nature.  Mother Nature, so-to-speak.

Someone please tell me what to do.  I’ve been Googling all morning, but the information is very redundant.  Send me your advice!  Any tips, tricks or suggestions would be more than welcome!  I think I need a support network, too.

December 28, 2007

A Christmas Memory

Christmas with my side of the family can be a bit overwhelming. Every year, my mom and her two youngest sisters take turns hosting the celebration. This tradition began in 1981, as a way for my grandmother, Alice, to spend time with all seven of her children, their spouses and her grandchildren.

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been gathering every Christmas for the last twenty-six years. That first celebration was the smallest, because not all of my aunts and uncles were married, but as our families expanded, year after year, it became a challenge to cram almost forty people in one location.

My mother is the oldest, followed by her sisters, Judy, Donna and Mary, and her brothers, Michael, Carl and Paul. Out of seven kids, only two are unmarried. In order to understand the insanity in my family, I’ll give you a little back-story.

My mom and her sister Judy are very close, and my aunts, Donna and Mary are inseparable. Besides being sisters, they are best friends and very often exclude my mom and Aunt Judy from conversations and events. I could even say that there’s a small rivalry between families.

Both aunts were stay-at-home parents, married to husbands with high-paying mill jobs. Both Donna and Mary each have five children that are very close in age to the other’s kids, and the two families have been known to spend a lot of time together.

It should be said that I’m the firstborn grandchild, followed by my cousin, Hedy, who is two years younger than me. Hedy and I were “best friends” until our high school years when we drifted apart. We really didn’t have much in common as the years went by.

Hedy and her sisters have gone to prestigious universities, they work for prominent companies, and they travel across the country, as well as internationally, and they usually date very good-looking boyfriends. It can be rather intimidating to listen to them speak of their latest accomplishment or amazing trip to Amsterdam (or was it Paris?).

I’ve never felt the need to compete with my cousins, but my aunts seem to measure a person’s “worth” by their social status, how much money they make, or the clothes they wear. They’ll never admit it, but sometimes I feel as though I’m being compared to their very gorgeous, thin, single, childless daughters.

This Christmas was held at my parents’ house. When my cousins arrived I felt the dread of having to make conversation with these very accomplished girls. I know it sounds like I’m jealous, but that isn’t the case. I’m very proud of my cousins’ successes – they’ve worked very hard to get where they are – but I find it difficult to listen to them brag about how “wonderful” they are and the “amazing” lives they lead. Are they trying to impress me? Are they insecure about one part of their lives so they embellish the details of another part? Who knows?

I tried to be polite and courteous, and I did my best to keep a smile on my face and be interested in their lives, but part of me thought, “Who cares?” Not one of my cousins asked me about my life, or about Dawson or about my job. It wasn’t until my sister brought up my blogging that they took an interest.

If I had a dollar for every time I was asked what a blog was, or what BlogHer was all about, I could afford my own trip to Amsterdam (or perhaps Paris?). My very liberal cousins were shocked to discover that I write about conservative politics. And my awesome sister did some bragging on my behalf.

“She writes for BlogHer.com,” Rachel said. “And, she’s really good at it. And she’s going to New York and San Francisco, too, for the blogging conferences.”

I laughed inside, because of the raised eyebrows and strange looks I was getting. Thankfully, my brother, Frankie, put on the videotape from Christmas 1989 (saved by the TV!), to break up the tension in the room. My uncle, Mike, had brought his VHS recorder and documented our holiday celebration that year. Frank thought it would be fun to watch that old video.

I smiled when I saw Grandma Alice on the screen. It’s been two years since her death (she died December 6, 2005) and I miss her terribly. It was amazing that everyone gathered around the television to reminisce the early Christmas parties we had. How fast time goes by.

The best part of watching this old tape was that it took place in the house I live in now. We bought my childhood home from my parents five years ago when they built their dream house. My husband had never seen our home prior to the addition my dad built to the back of the house in 1991.

It was so foreign to look at that old floor plan. I had forgotten about that ugly brown linoleum in the old kitchen, which is currently underneath the current flooring. I laughed when I saw the old deck door (which is now an open entry-way to our current dining room). I remember that the lock was broken, so my mother put a dowelling rod behind it, “just in case burglars try to get it.” It never occurred to her that they would probably just break the glass.

And then, I heard Grandma’s voice coming through the speakers and I started crying. As I write this, the tears are rolling down my cheeks. Eighteen years ago, on December 25, Grandma Alice was sitting in my living room, watching her grandchildren open their Christmas presents.

My Christmas tree is in the same spot my mother place our tree in 1989. If I close my eyes, I can see it all again – no VHS required. I can smell the real tree my father cut from the local Christmas tree farm. I can see the mountains of presents underneath it, the flashing multi-colored string of lights, the handmade ornaments my siblings and I made.

My youngest brother, Frank wasn’t even born yet, so my sister was the baby of the family. I remember painting her finger and toenails and crimping her hair for the Christmas party.

I laughed when Grandma Alice said, “Honest to God, Mikey!” to my uncle as he videotaped her. She didn’t want to be on camera, but thank the Lord she was! I’m so grateful we could look back on that Christmas, eighteen years ago. I still can’t get over how fast time goes by…

I remember that Grandma made Polish sausage (kielbasa), and how the awful smell of sauerkraut wafted through the air when someone lifted the lid on the crock-pot.

I remember Aunt Judy getting a little tipsy from eggnog – or maybe she was just sugared up on Diet Pepsi (it wasn’t caffeine-free at that time) — and telling us she once ran naked through the woods on the farm.

I remember saying my prayers with Grandma — the “Our Father” and the “Hail Mary” — and how proud she was that I prayed with her. I remember the nativity, and how we celebrated the birth of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

As we watched that videotape, I began to realize that it doesn’t matter what clothes we wear, or how much money we make, that proves whether we are a worthy person.

We must cherish the reason we gathered together in the first place. We gathered to celebrate the birth of Christ. We celebrated with our loved ones, our families. We gathered to cherish the many blessings we’ve been given. We gathered together to treat each other with kindness, respect and love. That’s what it’s all about. That is what really matters.

December 27, 2007

Big Day of News

I’m at BlogHer today.  With the assassination of Benazir Bhutto this morning, the blogosphere is ablaze with reactions.  Swing over to read what several BlogHers have to say.

I’m finishing my Christmas recap in between potty training Dawson (it’s sort of working! Yay!) and feeling sick from a cold/flu thing (not so yay…).  I’ll post everything tomorrow.

Happy Thursday!

December 25, 2007

A Christmas Meme

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?   I’m all for gift bags, trouble is, they don’t make them big enough for certain gifts!

2. Real tree or artificial?  Artificial.  I love a real tree every few years, but the needles stuck in the carpet drives me crazy and I find it difficult to enjoy that real tree scent.

3. When do you put up the tree?  Typically, the day after Thanksgiving, but this year we were a week and a half late.

4. When do you take the tree down?  New Year’s Day if I’m not hung over.  The weekend after New Year’s if I am.

5. Do you like eggnog?  Not at all.  Yuck.

6. Favorite gift receivedas a child?  The year I got a keyboard piano.  I loved that thing!

7. Do you have a nativity scene?  Yes.  Two of them actually.

8. Hardest person to buy for?  The in-laws.

9. Easiest person to buy for?  My mom.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?  A sweater with jingle bells on it.  The kind that actually jingle!

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?  Mail.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? It’s a toss up between It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?  I’m definitely a procrastinator.  If I find something halfway through the year for a reasonable price, I’ll buy it and hide it for the intended recipient.  Otherwise I wait until December 1st or later.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?  I’ve never re-gifted a Christmas present, but if it’s something nonreturnable, I save it and donate it to our church picnic as a prize for the Cherry Tree game.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Chocolate covered peanut butter balls.  My aunt makes them every year.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear lights on the tree.  Colored lights outside.

17. Favorite Christmas song? I have several favorites, but I find myself singing Jingle Bell Rock every year.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?  We usually go to our parents’ houses each year.  No big travel plans.

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeers?  Yes, but I have to sing it so that I don’t forget any.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have both, so we rotate every year.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?  We open some on each day because we celebrate with different family members on each day.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?  When the neighbors forget to take their Christmas decorations down and they’re still up in February.