September 10, 2007
No Instruction Manual for SAHMs
All my life, I’ve thrived on planning and educating myself. I think it had something to do with being homeschooled for several years during grade school. I love doing research about things I’m planning on doing, making lists, making outlines, setting up binders, etc. This quality of mine was easy to nourish when I worked outside the home. I had a very organized binder with charts and spreadsheets I had created and tweaked monthly to help me manage my deadlines, style standards, and work records.
Last Friday around 4:30, I stopped working. I punched out for the last time. And now I’m a stay-at-home mom.
Now what? Really. Tell me. I don’t have a clue. So I went online, of course, to do some research. I typed in “what do stay at home moms do all day?” The first page of results was a bunch of blog diatribes exhorting the value of the SAHMs, vigorously defending their rights to people who work outside the home and think that SAHMs must just watch soap operas, eat bon bons and polish their toenails. I read a bunch of self-righteous, in-your-face, stick-it-up-your-poopy-hole essays, but no real information for someone like me. Someone who honestly doesn’t know and doesn’t have any preconceptions about it.
I think this is one situation where research won’t really help, and soul searching and heart seeking is the answer. I have to figure out what I want to do, not what I should do. I have to start using my instincts, and maybe I’ll be able to make a binder after all.
My mom was a SAHM from when I was three onward. I have lots of nice memories about that. I remember playing in the kitchen while she cooked. I remember spending hours filling my coloring books with lavish color. I remember spending a lot of time at the park. And I remember coming home from half-day kindergarten to eat pea soup and buttered bread while watching Mr. Rogers. My mom wasn’t a good housekeeper, but the laundry was usually clean and there weren’t any gross messes around.
How can I translate my experiences into a plan for my future? Well, I know that I probably don’t need to concentrate really hard on entertaining Ben. He can be my tag-a-long. We’ll be on a very restricted budget, and that means I get to practice my cooking skills. A lot. I get to finally have a clean, tidy house because I’ll hopefully have time to sweep and mop and pick up clutter. We’ll probably get to have clean sheets more than once every three weeks because I’ll have time to do the laundry more than the three loads we manage to run through on the weekends so we’ll have clothes for the week.
And the play. I intend to play a lot with my kids. I got a generous gift card from the folks at my former place of employment, and I’m spending that money on art supplies for Ben, along with other items I think I might find useful, like more freezer storage containers for all the meals I’ll be preparing.
Next spring, I want to plant a garden. I have fantasies of kneeling in the dirt with Ben, digging my fingers in to plant vegetables and flowers, chatting at Anna while she sits on a blanket nearby.
That’s what’s in my heart, and now I just have to incorporate that as my new lifestyle, my new purpose. As for binders, I can print off instructions for art projects and organize them nicely. I can make my own recipe binder with recipes I find online and try and enjoy. Hopefully, my anal-retentive, detail-oriented proofing skills will be useful in my new endeavor. I’m not worried, though. Making the choice to become a SAHM was one from the heart, just like some of the best decisions I’ve made in life.
Cheryl is a brand new stay-at-home mom who blogs at Red Pens and Diapers. She has a 20-month-old son and a daughter on the way.
Posted by mammacheryl @ 4:49 AM • Blog Exchange
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September 10th, 2007 at 8:23 AM, Dawn Says:
With all the crazy changes in my life since the baby was born (mat leave, back to work, done with work, move cross country, temp housing, real house, unpack house) I’ve just started feeling like I can find some kind of routine. So that’s probably the first “assignment”, finding the flow of your day so you get some stuff done that you need to get done and some stuff done that you want to get done. Then you’ll start finding out what makes you crazy, and how many days it takes to get there
September 10th, 2007 at 8:56 AM, dana Says:
Cheryl, I think in time you’ll have a plan and a routine and things will be great. I know you’ve longed to be a SAHM for awhile, and it’s fabulous! I look forward to reading more about your adventures!
And, thanks for guest posting for me! It means a lot to me. I didn’t plan to drop in until later but curiosity got the better of me — and I love what you wrote! Your post is excellent!
September 10th, 2007 at 2:57 PM, patois Says:
I joined the SAHM army just over a year ago. Biggest surprise for me? My house still ain’t so clean! Love your post. You’ll find your way, as only you can.
September 11th, 2007 at 7:18 AM, Julie Says:
Cheryl, decisions from the heart are the best kinds of decisions. Conrats on yours.
And Dana, I don’t know if I’m the only one but I’ve had lots of trouble accessing your site these last several days.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:19 PM, Tania Says:
I know this is an old article, but I just found it and I have to say THANK YOU! I am about be a stay at home mom and you have articulated everything I’ve been thinking. I’m looking forward to being home, but at the same time scared to death that I’ll be bored, lonely, and unfulfilled. If you have an update on where you’re at now, that would be awesome.