August 24, 2007
Flirty Ford Focus To Enter Rehab
Dear Frances,
I’m starting to worry about you. You’re out all night, drinking heavily with that sexy, red Mustang (who happens to be named Reddy) across the street, and then the next day you wake up with hot pipes and drink nearly ten gallons of gasoline. I’m starting to go broke supporting your habit!
Do you remember the time I let you sleep in the garage because it was raining something fierce and you complained your tires would get soaked? And the next morning as we back out of the garage, you were so excited to see Reddy that you slammed into the door frame and broke your side view mirror? The cast made of duct tape still hasn’t come off, and frankly I’m too scared to take you to the Car Wizard to fix it. Until that Mustang moves away, I fear you’ll forever be a klutz.
And what about the time you and I were driving home from a job interview! You were flirting with that big dump truck and he whistled at you and a rock flew out of his mouth. Your windshield doesn’t look the same with a huge crack across the top. That conversion van who parks next door was gossiping about you and I think he called you a slut. But don’t get any ideas, like crashing into him in the middle of the night.
And then there was the time you were hung over after a long night of drinking Premium Unleaded. We were driving in the dark and I tried to put your high beams on, and they got stuck! Or so you say they got stuck. I think you just like flashing the oncoming Envoys and Escalades.
I just don’t know what’s gotten into you, Fran. But if this awful drunken habit continues, I may have to admit you to Rehab.
I know you’ll say, “No! No! No!”, but I hear Lindsay Lincoln, Paris Porsche, and Britney Beamer have all completed the program.
And I was told that the Betty Ford Focus Rehabilitation Clinic is one of the finest in the country.
Love,
Your Faithful Driver
P.S. If you don’t tune up your act, I’m gonna have to Ask Patty what to do. I’m sure she has great advice!
This post is a part of a blog blast sponsored by the Parent Bloggers Network. Click here for participation details or to read what other participants wrote in their open letters to their cars!
Posted by Dana @ 9:00 AM • Blog Blasts
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August 24th, 2007 at 9:28 AM, The Parent Bloggers Network » CarBlabber Blog Blast - Tell Your Car How Much You Love It, or Tell It Off! Says:
[...] Flirty Ford Focus To Enter Rehab [...]
August 24th, 2007 at 10:00 AM, Leslie Says:
Oh good Lord, Dana! This was funny. You are brilliant. Awesome post!
August 24th, 2007 at 10:40 AM, Julie Says:
Oh god… Betty Ford Focus… I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. : )
August 24th, 2007 at 10:40 AM, Dana Says:
Awww! Thanks, Leslie! This was fun to write!
August 24th, 2007 at 11:05 AM, Dana Says:
Julie, I know. I sometimes crack myself up. I’m that dorky!
August 24th, 2007 at 11:30 AM, Sus Says:
I think your post is sexier than a red mini van.
August 24th, 2007 at 11:38 AM, dana Says:
Why thank you, Sus! That’s kind of you to say!
August 24th, 2007 at 11:27 PM, Jenn Says:
now that’s good – it’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking anything, because there were at least a couple of good spit moments! hope frances turns herself around in good order and starts behaving herself