August 6, 2007
The Post Where I Finally Talk About Dawson
Going away for four days is grand, but the feelings of missing my toddler were always on the front of my brain and I was constantly pushing them back because I knew Dawson was safe and well with his daddy.
I called home once each day (sometimes twice if I had a spare moment) and Doug assured me that everything was fine, and that Dawson only asked about me twenty times each day. Don’t get mad at him for telling me, I asked. And I made him tell me the truth.
We decided it was best that I not talk to Dawson on the phone for fear that he’d freak out and wonder why his mother wasn’t at home, but instead some 250 miles away in Chicago.
But each time I called, I could hear my little boy happily playing in the background, completely oblivious that I was on the phone. And I wanted him to miss me. I wanted him to run to the phone and say, “Mumma, I miss you!”
Suddenly, Irrational Mother took over my body. I couldn’t believe that Dawson was really okay without me. I couldn’t believe that Doug was capable of running the household and parenting our child while I was away.
Don’t get me wrong, Doug is a wonderful father. It’s just that when I’m home he acts kind of clueless about parenting skills.
And maybe that’s it. It’s just an act. Because maybe I’m too controlling about how to parent our child. And maybe this four-day vacation was exactly what we both needed. It’s really difficult to admit all of this, but it’s the complete truth.
Doug got a “training weekend” in which he was better able to establish his fatherly role, and I was able to relax (somewhat) while allowing someone else to care for my little boy.
Okay, not just “someone else”. His father. But this is a major accomplishment for me, giving up control. And, it was really difficult!
Letting go of that power nearly killed me, but I consider it a preview of the day Dawson leaves home for college. I realize I’ll have to loosen the reigns as he gets older, and eventually I’ll have to let them go. (It’s hard to even think about that now, he’s only three.)
But, the moment I got home from my trip, all I wanted to do was cuddle with my child. To tell him I was home and to make sure he missed me. I didn’t get in until 12:30 in the morning and he was sleeping peacefully in bed with his Daddy. His little arm draped over Doug’s head.
And I realized, Daddies are just as good as Mommies. And, I’m not the only parent in this family. And, it’s okay to let someone else be in charge once in awhile.
In the morning, I crawled into bed next to Dawson and tousled his hair. Yes, I was deliberately trying to wake him up.
His beautiful blue eyes opened and a big smile appeared on his face when he saw me.
“Hiiiii, Doodlebug! Mumma’s home! Did you miss me?” I asked.
Dawson nodded his head a couple times and said, “Mumma, I miss-ded you, lots of much!”
And my little world was right again.
It’s a good thing I bought this book in Chicago. Devra inspired me to kick that Mommy Guilt for good. Now I can tell that crazy, irrational mother in my head to stick it where the sun don’t shine!
(You know who I’m talking about. That mother who seems to think she has to spend every waking moment with her children. Because she thinks she’s Super Mom and no one can do what she does. Yeah, her.)
Posted by Dana @ 8:45 AM • The Doodlebug,The Mommy Files
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August 6th, 2007 at 9:50 AM, Leslie Says:
I had wondered about Dawson. I’m glad things went well for all of you! I’m one of those mothers – the one that has to spend every waking moment with my child. Yeah. It’s not so easy to let go!
August 6th, 2007 at 9:56 AM, Dawn Says:
Guilt mom.. hm… I think I’ve met her. I currently have her handcuffed under the bed so I can surf the net.
August 6th, 2007 at 10:13 AM, dana Says:
Leslie, I never realized how hard it would be to go away for four days and leave my husband in charge. It baffles me that I actually thought he couldn’t do it!
And I think you need to take some time for you! It really is good! (But, yes it’s really difficult to do!)
Dawn, I’m thinking I need some handcuffs! Heh.
August 6th, 2007 at 10:19 AM, Cheryl Says:
My mom was teasing me this weekend about how I’ve never left Ben alone with her overnight. And I had to break it to her that hubby and I are actually planning a babymoon in September when we’ll be leaving Ben with her for not one but TWO nights.
I think my husband would do just fine with Ben for a few days… but the house would be a total wreck. He’s not good at multi-tasking.
August 6th, 2007 at 11:22 AM, amaras_mom Says:
I know that when I leave Amara with her daddy, things will be just fine. But when I’m sitting at work and Dad2Amara calls to ask simple things like what outfit she should wear or what he should do because she won’t finish her breakfast (mind you, Amara’s 4), I know it’s just easier when I’m with her.
It’s so much easier, that I invited Dad2Amara to tag along for the ride to BlogHer so I could spend the evenings showing Amara some of her mommy’s hot spots in Chicago. And considering I hate road trips, I needed Dad2Amara to play driver…
But yes, Daddies are pretty cool.
Glad all is well in your and Dawson’s world!
August 6th, 2007 at 1:11 PM, dana Says:
Cheryl, I think it’s great your taking some time away! It’ll give you time to reconnect with Chester! Don’t let that Mommy Guilt get to you though!
Amaras_mom, you are so right. It is so much easier when the moms are around. I wonder if that’s just the way it is?
August 6th, 2007 at 4:39 PM, Elizabeth Says:
“And I realized, Daddies are just as good as Mommies. And, I’m not the only parent in this family. And, it’s okay to let someone else be in charge once in awhile.”
I can TOTALLY relate, Dana. I am absolutely a controlling parent, I know it. When Ryan was a baby, Chris and I used to have arguments about which one of us was parenting the “correct” way. And I was always sure it was me
When I went to BlogHer last year Kaitlyn was 8 months old, and I was a WRECK the whole weekend. This year, it was a little easier, but not much. I cried at the train station when Kaitlyn jumped into my arms! I think you did a great job away from Dawson, and I think it’s important to let our husbands know that we trust their parenting skills, hard as that might be
August 7th, 2007 at 3:50 AM, My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours Says:
I finally came to the realization that for me, anyway, missing my kids is not the same as wanting to be with them.
And now you know the self-talk that helps me through the few, and too far in between, weekends away we’ve had from our two toddlers.
Glad you went to the conference, in spite of the guilt
August 7th, 2007 at 8:49 AM, dana Says:
Elizabeth, I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to leave Kaitlyn for a few days last year. I would have cried, I think!
MMIFTY, that’s a very good point. Missing them and wanting to be with them are two different things! I’m going to remember that!