July 31, 2007
BlogHer Adventures Part II: Coffee Equals Narcotics
After all I went through at the Green Bay Greyhound depot, one would think the rest of my trip would be problem-free.
Not. The. Case.
When I arrived in Milwaukee, we had to get off the bus for twenty minutes and the Milwaukee security guards had to check our carry on bags for “unsafe items” and other things.
When the security guard checking my bag found the delicious coffee I was bringing along to give to my friend Mocha, he asked me what it was.
“It’s coffee, sir. I’m giving it as a gift to a friend in Chicago.”
“When did you buy it?”
“Wednesday evening.”
“No, I said where did you buy it?”
“Oh, sorry, I bought it at Emy J’s in Stevens Point.”
“Steve Point? Where’s that? That even in Wisconsin?”
“Yes, Stevens Point is in Wisconsin.”
“You got anything metal in your bags?”
“Other than my curling iron and car keys? No.”
“How do I know you don’t got narcotics in this ‘coffee’?”
Now I was angry. First I’m dicked around by Mike the Monkey and now Stanley Security thinks I’m a drug dealer.
“Sir, do I even look smart enough to put cocaine inside a package of coffee?”
This must have been the wrong thing to say to a security guard (who had the words “off-duty police” embroidered on the sleeve of his uniform).
He opened the sealed package and dumped the entire contents, all those precious beans, into the garbage. I was sick. Such a waste! Such a crime! Mocha would have killed him.
After it was over, I got no apology, and instead Stanley Security went on to the next “suspect”.
I began to have a mini nervous breakdown and thought I was never getting to BlogHer! But the second I got to the Chicago greyhound station I hailed a cab and high-tailed it out of there before I was frisked for the knife in my bra.
Anyone want to take a guess at how exhausted, nervous, angry and frustrated I was after this? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post on pre-conference fun!
Posted by Dana @ 5:38 am • BlogHer, Travel Mama
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July 31st, 2007 at 6:41 am, Shannon Says:
You’ve got to be kidding me. Sounds like a certain wanna-be police officer was having some “issues.” I didn’t know you went through all this to get there - hope your trip home was uneventful.
July 31st, 2007 at 8:30 am, dana Says:
It’s funny now that I think about it, but at the time I was beyond pissed! I’ve learned my lesson! No Greyhound!
July 31st, 2007 at 8:40 am, Cheryl Says:
Oh. My. God. On both parts of the story. It’s insane. I’m surprised you still managed to keep your good humor for the weekend. I’d have been a bit of a wreck. Good job, though, on keeping your cool. Amazing.
July 31st, 2007 at 10:45 am, Karl Says:
Wow, unbelievable. It was great seeing you at BlogHer.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:20 am, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Says:
My favorite part:
“Sir, do I even look smart enough to put cocaine inside a package of coffee?”
July 31st, 2007 at 11:28 am, Dana Says:
-cracks up-
Oh Sarah, honestly as the words flew out of my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said them.
It’s hilarious now, but at the time I was so snarky and freakin’ tired…
good grief!
July 31st, 2007 at 11:32 am, Dana Says:
Karl, it really was good to see you! I only wished we’d have taken a photo together!
July 31st, 2007 at 12:21 pm, Amber Says:
Knife in the bra? I would highly recommend in your underpants. At least it worked for me.
And it was SO great meeting you (white shoes and all :-). I am still coveting your camera, especially since Canon called yesterday and announced ours is dead. Tell me again the specs of yours and where you go it?
July 31st, 2007 at 1:31 pm, Jean-Luc Picard Says:
Good story, Dana. My friend Elizabeth mentioned you in her blog.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:36 pm, dana Says:
Thank you for visiting me, Jean-Luc! I’m happy to be entertainment. It is kind of funny, huh!
July 31st, 2007 at 2:10 pm, Melissa Says:
If that were me, the local news headlines would be ‘BlogHurt: Woman Blogger Pounds Rent-a-Cop into bloody mush’.
You show great restraint that you’re not in an orange jumpsuit.
July 31st, 2007 at 2:46 pm, dana Says:
-dies laughing-
Oh Melissa! Your humor kills me. I love it. I’m smiling and giggling still over the jumpsuit comment. Now I have a great idea for that.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:33 pm, Jonathon Morgan Says:
I thought it was only bearded 20something guys (like me) that always get stopped for “drugs” at the airport. Apparently they harass everyone. Hysterical (until the next time I fly)
July 31st, 2007 at 6:08 pm, Dana Says:
Jonathon! Goodness! For real? You poor thing.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:42 pm, Wisconsin Mommy Says:
Okay - no more Grayhound for you!! See, I should have gone and then I could have offered you a ride. There’s always next year…
August 1st, 2007 at 8:49 am, Dana Says:
Yeah! It’s a date. We’ll just go together!
August 1st, 2007 at 1:20 pm, Believer in Balance Says:
Ah! I can’t believe you went through such hell and harassment! No wonder you were tired at dinner. Of course it didn’t help that we ate at 11:00 p.m.!
August 1st, 2007 at 1:32 pm, Dana Says:
Shannon, I was tired, but I was soooo glad to be with you and Liz. I really miss you girls so much! Another year before BlogHer is too long to wait!
August 1st, 2007 at 9:50 pm, Daisy Says:
“Steve Point? Is that in Wisconsin?” Please tell me this ignorant turd was not educated in our fair state.
August 2nd, 2007 at 8:50 am, dana Says:
He was completely oblivious to the fact that I was from Wisconsin. Honestly. I had to pretty much do the “back of my hand” diagram and show him were I lived.
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:53 pm, Leslie Says:
Oh Dana! You had the hardest time getting to Blogher. At least it was worth all the trouble, right?
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:51 am, Dana Says:
It was definitely worth all the trouble. And I haven’t even begun to write about the trip home. Ha!