July 6, 2007
How are you going to lose the baby weight?
The words still make me cringe. I still get angry when I think about it.
I was a little over eight months pregnant and restricted to bedrest because of pregnancy induced hypertension, also known as pre-eclampsia. I’ve written about this condition before.
But I remember the day very clearly. I was sitting in the waiting room at my weekly check-up and ran into an acquaintance from high school who was also pregnant. She was still blonde and beautiful with her tiny baby-belly dressed in designer maternity clothes. She looked barely six months pregnant and to my surprise she mentioned she was due any day.
I was wearing a gigantic maternity shirt a la Liz Lange Maternity from Target, and maternity shorts handed down from my neighbor. I admit, my maternity clothes weren’t flattering, but I was big and uncomfortable.
The truth is, I only gained 36 pounds during my pregnancy, most within the last trimester, but I was still a bit overweight (I hate typing that part) when I conceived. I know I probably looked huge. I can’t help that.
Imagine my shock when this high school “pal” (I use this term lightly) said, “Gosh! You’re so much bigger than me. How will you ever lose the baby weight?”
She laughed in a way that implied she thought this was a common thing to say to a pregnant woman. It was almost as if she didn’t think she offended me. I didn’t believe I really heard what she said.
“I’m sorry,” I replied. ”What do you mean?”
“Well, you know. It’s proven that the more weight you gain when you’re pregnant, the harder it is to lose.”
I blinked a few times, not sure how to respond. I tried to think of something witty to say, but my mind was blank and I was getting annoyed at how long I had to wait for the nurse to call me back to the exam room.
I just laughed nervously and told this person I hoped nursing would take off some of the pounds. She then looked at me aghast, as though only insane women breast fed their babies.
Thankfully, I was called back for my appointment. I really wished I had a clever comeback. This always happens to me. I struggle for the words and they don’t come to me until after I’ve walked away. Why is that?
I could have said, “Wow, that’s such a bold thing to say to another pregnant woman, I don’t know how to respond to your stupidity.”
Or, “I think you’re the first anorexic pregnant woman I know.”
Or, “Looks like you spent more money on your maternity clothes than you did on groceries. Have you eaten anything today?”
Or, “Gosh, looks like you haven’t changed at all since high school. I see you’re still competitive and petty.”
But I realize it’s much more satisfying to be the bigger (literally and figuratively) person and not say anything at all.
And I secretly hope she’s had a few more kids and hasn’t lost the baby weight at all.
Don’t you wish you could have just handed them this?
This post is part of a blog blast sponsored by The Parent Bloggers Network for the launch of the Body, Soul, & Baby campaign, a fantastic new pregnancy/new mom handbook by Dr. Tracy Gaudet (Director of Duke Medical School’s Department of Integrative Medicine).
If you would like to participate, click here for details!
Posted by Dana @ 5:57 am • Blog Blasts, Uncategorized
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July 6th, 2007 at 7:42 am, Jenna Says:
Hey, I hear you on this one. With my first, due to my kidney disorder, I only gained 19 pounds. Wait, don’t hate me yet. Thankfully, because of bed rest and my anti-social ways, I didn’t insult anyone like you were insulted. But God got me back anyway when I gained 59 pounds with my second. HA! Ain’t life grand!
That said, I lost it all within a year. So, pfft to your “pal.” You lose the baby weight by, uh, chasing the kid around and lugging him everywhere? Uh, duh.
July 6th, 2007 at 7:42 am, Jennifer Says:
Geez. I bet she’s a porker now! Or at least I hope she is :)!
July 6th, 2007 at 8:03 am, Cheryl Says:
We usually have at least 6 pregnant ladies around here at any given time, and I’m proud to say that none of us are so rude as to even mention losing the baby weight. We’ve commented amongst ourselves at how unfair it is that so-and-so is so skinny so soon, but come on. She gained 70 pounds with her fourth baby, and she was back down to 115 within two months. Pissed us right off.
July 6th, 2007 at 8:37 am, sherry Says:
Ugh. It’s like the sight of a pregnant woman makes other people lose half their brain cells so that they say the most offensive and ignorant things possible.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:04 am, Dana Says:
Oh Jenna! I can only imagine the struggle you had! I really wish weight was irrelevant when a woman is pregnant. The main focus is to have a healthy baby!
Jennifer, I haven’t see her since!
But our ten year high school reunion is coming up. Maybe she’ll be there so I can find out!
Cheryl, I hear ya. I’m always surprised at the women who can fit into their skinny jeans mere days after giving birth. How do they do it?
Sherry, I agree. People forget themselves when they see a pregnant woman. I used to HATE when strangers would come up and touch my belly. Ugh.
July 6th, 2007 at 9:31 am, Mama K Says:
Oh no she di’nt!!
That is just not cool. It makes me so angry to see all the pressure there is on preggo gals to still looks skinny and cute even when they are pregnant!
Personally, I didn’t gain much weight because 1)I was overweight when I got pregnant 2)I was on a restrictive diet thanks to gestational diabetes
But that’s the thing, all women are DIFFERENT. We have to look at the big picuture. Our bodies are growing a whole new person and that is a huge job!
July 6th, 2007 at 10:46 am, Annie Says:
I found you through the Blog Blast!
I love your imaginary comebacks - karma’s a bitch baby - she probably got hers and then some lol!
July 6th, 2007 at 12:11 pm, Debbie Says:
I can’t believe that…how rude of her! I actually gained 65 lbs. with my first (I seriously could not stop eating!) and I know I was huge! Thankfully no one made any comments and the 65 lbs. came off (and yes, most of it with nursing!). I know what you mean about wishing you had said something clever back to her…I deal with that a lot!
July 6th, 2007 at 2:18 pm, Kimba Says:
Never underestimate the rudeness of people! I’m struggling to lose “baby weight” right now, so I know how hard it is!
Found you throught the blogblast, but I’m sure to be back!
July 6th, 2007 at 2:36 pm, Daisy Says:
I love your responses — and I totally agree that it was more satisfying to raise yourself above the pettiness and say nothing.
July 6th, 2007 at 2:38 pm, Karianna Says:
I wish it were easy to lose that weight, but it is that much harder when people point it out. I had so much insecurity about a lot of pregnancy-related things; to hear a comment like that would have reduced me to a puddle.
July 6th, 2007 at 4:06 pm, Dana Says:
Mama K, tell me about it! I still can’t believe it, three years later.
Thanks Annie! I’m wittier on my blog.
Debbie, it is totally rude. And I feel ya on the eating thing. I was always very hungry while pregnant.
Kimba, it’s amazing what people will say.
Daisy, I secretly wish I’d have ripped her back. Is that wrong?
Karianna, I hear you. I was totally insecure about my weight while pregnant.
July 6th, 2007 at 8:17 pm, Elizabeth Says:
I just thought of the BEST comeback- “How am I going to lose my baby weight? By nursing, eating healthfully, and exercising. How are you going to stop being stupid?”
I gave you an award! Stop by Table for Five and see what it is!
July 7th, 2007 at 4:07 pm, B Says:
No, No and HELL TO THE NO! Weight is something you discuss in reference to one’s self ONLY. Unless you are saying how thin another looks, but even then some women are afraid they aren’t gaining enough. (HA!)
My thing with #3 was everyone thinking I was having twins b/c my belly was gargantuan compared to my flat butt. SO, when a 6lb 15oz baby came out I forced the Dr. to weigh my placenta. (He said it was the biggest he’s ever seen and he’s seen a lot.) Anyway it weighed 4 lbs 10oz. Take that.
July 7th, 2007 at 10:06 pm, Leslie Says:
Ugh! People can be jerks.
I always think of the great comebacks long after the encounter is over. There is nothing quick about my wit.
July 11th, 2007 at 12:24 pm, jenn in holland Says:
Unbelievable!
What COULD you say to something like that? My mouth would have hng right open!