((hugs)) to you. Hope you’re feeling better by now.

I’m thinking of you, Dana. You’re going to be okay.

Don’t worry, doll. I’m working on my “issues” every single day. It’s what I do.

Janet, I know. I know! It’s a good thing to just be. Yenno? Thanks for the hugs.

Hugs.

I was just showing what I’ve been through and what I sometimes still go through.

I deal with my perceptions and situations as they occur, but I didn’t always do so before.

After I had Dawson I went through a mess of emotions and really thought I was nuts. I thought I was crazy.

I used Lexapro for several months. But it didn’t seem to really help me. I started thinking of myself as two different people: happy, medicated, fake Dana — and slightly neurotic, real, raw Dana. Then I knew I needed to stop the drugs.

I guess I wasn’t very clear in my post.

I do find that putting this out there is good for me. I don’t normally talk about it or blog about it. I’m always afraid to really say this stuff because it’s so personal.

But Suebob is right honesty is best. And I’m trying to be honest about those feelings. My husband is aware, my parents are somewhat aware (but they don’t quite ‘get it’).

I had never told anyone else.

I remember a time when I felt like I had to do everything better than my mother.

While I’ve been to therapy to overcome this irrational thought, I think it still lingers sometimes.

I know I’ll never be perfect. I know that perfect doesn’t exist. But when you’re emotions and hormones are all over the map, it’s tough to figure out what’s really going on.

I know I’ll need to be mindful of all of these things for the rest of my life. Once I stop making a conscious effort things fall apart.

Seriously though, when it comes to perception versus reality, sometimes it’s hard to know the difference when you’re in the middle of it.

My advice, which is really assvice considering I’m a brand new mom and have no reason to tell anyone anything, take care of yourself first. Do what you have to do to make sure that you’re not feeling too overwhelmed. Whether that’s taking some time to yourself while your husband watches Dawson each day, or talking to someone about your feelings (which I highly recommend for moms or anyone really, or lowering your standards for yourself a bit and letting some things slide, or writing it out here if that makes you feel better.
We’ve all been there and I’m pretty sure we’ll all be there again. It’s a part of being a woman and especially a mother in the world today.
Take care of yourself!

High standards are good, but if they are so high they make you miserable, what good are they? I know plenty of children who have grown up perfectly happy in messy houses, poor houses, houses that don’t look great - as long as there was love and nurturing there. And I know others who grew up in houses that looked perfect from the outside, but they grew up with an empty spot because they were missing out on having a real family because the parents were too busy working, cleaning, shopping and making everything look great.

I just started reading your blog and I can tell that you are a good person, a conscientious person, a smart person. All you need is the courage to treat yourself as well as you deserve to be treated, then everything else will fall into place. Good luck.

xoxo

I was just showing what I go through. I deal with each situation when it occurs. I find a way to overcome the problems and fears. But I know it’s okay to say it’s tough and I don’t always get over the hump like I want to. Sometimes it takes time.

I know my perceptions and realities are not the same.

Thanks for the feedback.

Dana