May 18, 2007
Daddies Don’t Feel Guilty
My husband left this morning for a 3-day weekend fishing trip. I’m officially a “fisherman’s widow”.
While I don’t mind that Doug is going on this mini-vacation (after all he needs time away, too), I’m a little disturbed that he didn’t even bat an eyelash about leaving his wife alone to care for their son who is in the height of his terrible two’s.
I’ve never seen him wake up in such a good mood. He was even happy to help me get Dawson dressed this morning. Normally he pretends to be sleeping while I wrestle the kid’s shoes on.
Why is there no “Daddy Guilt”?
I mean really, I feel guilty just going to the store without Dawson along. But my rooster couldn’t wait to fly the hen house.
It isn’t fair.
He’ll be fishing and drinking and telling dirty jokes with the boys for three days, while I make sure the laundry is washed, the floors are mopped and the beds are made; in addition to making sure Dawson is fed and watered and suitably occupied while I catch up on my writing deadlines.
This isn’t the first time Doug has gone fishing for a weekend. Last year he and his buddy took a weekend carp-shooting holiday. Dawson was only 20 months old and a lot easier to manage.
Now that the Doodlebug is in his sassy phase, I find it harder to manage him all alone. And I kind of resent my hubby for being able to get away with ease.
I can only hope when I leave for the BlogHer conference in July that I will be as lucky. I plan on partying like a rockstar, guilt-free.
Posted by Dana @ 9:47 am • Uncategorized
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May 18th, 2007 at 2:50 pm, Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom Says:
I think/hope/pray they feel it too…they just show it differently..like while fishing and at baseball games, maybe they’ll quickly think of their offsrping…hee hee
May 19th, 2007 at 4:17 am, Nadine Says:
Oh dear. So terrible two’s are not a fairytale? We still have 6 months to prepare for that
Look at it this way, your husband can charge up this weekend so he can be an extra help to you when he comes back
May 21st, 2007 at 7:54 am, Cheryl Says:
I get a little bitter when my husband takes the evening off and goes kayaking with his friends. Even feel a little resentment when he gets called into work on the weekend. But I found that if I’m able to manage taking care of Ben AND getting something done around the house, I get major brownie points that I can exchange for an extra turn at the dishes or at least one poopy diaper change.
May 21st, 2007 at 10:14 am, Stefanie Says:
So true what you said. My husband just got back from 8 days away from me and the 2 1/2 year old sassy bean. It was hell. I’m still a bit shellshocked.
And regarding the comment you left on my blog about 42 anonymous posters saying you’re a terrible mom, hey, 42 comments is awesome!!!
May 21st, 2007 at 6:50 pm, Aviva and Devra Says:
We’ll make sure you are utterly and completely absolved of Mommy Guilt during BlogHer. We’ll be there and wave the Absolution Wand over you. We could also use it to stir your drinks. ; )
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:02 am, dana Says:
Thanks Ladies! I should have enlisted your help YEARS ago. How do the men do this so easily??
May 22nd, 2007 at 11:51 am, Debbie Says:
Oh I am so with you on this one…why on earth do guys not feel guilty? My husband will sit outside and talk to the neighbors all night, knowing that I am inside, playing, feeding and bathing our kids. When he comes inside he has no idea what I’m mad about! But if the situation were reversed? I would feel so bad! There are times when I have come home later than I said I would and I’d be apologizing as soon as I got in the door! And the trips, that’s another one that I don’t understand. We are going away this weekend without the kids, and he doesn’t bat an eyelash at it, but me, I feel so guilty leaving the kids! And I don’t get it because he’s a great dad, so why doesn’t he have guilt???
May 22nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm, dana Says:
Debbie! Isn’t that the truth! It’s like they have this radar that tells them they can do no wrong. My husband is a great dad, too. I just wish he’d feel a tad bit guilty to make me feel normal!
May 25th, 2007 at 4:32 pm, Aviva and Devra Says:
Dads have “frustration.” They may get frustrated with a situation they cannot fix or that they feel they handled poorly, BUT men do not seem to wash their entire selves in the guilt like moms do. We tend to “go global” on ourselves, we worry about the ripple effect, or we decide there must be a ripple effect and dump on ourselves. Most men just don’t think this way. Maybe it is our biological make up, maybe estrogen sets off our guilt-o-meter. Who knows! But the other thing to consider is men aren’t put under the same kind of pressure regarding their parenting decisions. Have you ever heard a man asked “Why are you drinking that Diet Coke? Don’t you know you are going to be having a baby in 9 months? Do you have any idea what caffiene could do to your baby?” Or “What are you childcare plans for your baby when you need to go back to work?” Women just get asked a different set of questions, so this too may add to why we worry as we do. Ultimately, we all, whether we be moms or dads, have challenges which may get in the way of us enjoying our parenting so understanding we all need support helps all of us to feel less guilty (or frustrated.)