May 11, 2007
I Say The Truth, Therefore I Am Mom
“Mumma, I wanna watch dis movie, kay?” Dawson said.
We were at the library, his favorite place to spend lazy Sunday afternoons. It was our ritual.
I’d cram his backpack with his juice cup and his blankey and we’d head to our library to find great books to read and new videos to watch.
Dawson loved playing with the miniature Thomas the Tank Engine on the wooden train table, and I always sat in a lounge chair close by, reading a book or magazine while keeping an eye on my little one.
When he chose the Disney movie, Bambi, to check out with his very own library card, my heart pained a little.
You see, Bambi was the very first movie my mother and father took me to see at the old Fox Theater downtown. I remember the trip so vividly as though it only happened yesterday.
My father bought the popcorn and my mother held my hand as we walked into the theater to find the best seats. I was only five or six years old.
The story of Bambi was my favorite; my mother read the story book to me several times.
Little did I know she changed the words when it came to the death of Bambi’s mother. She would skip to the “part” where Bambi and Faline got married and had their own babies and Mrs. Bambi was a happy grand-doe.
Imagine my shock and surprise during the movie when the hunter shot Mrs. Bambi. I never cried so hard in my life. I was inconsolable, and awfully upset with my mother for telling such a fib. How dare she protect me from the sad truth that Bambi would be without his mother, forced to grow up alone.
I know, I know. He wasn’t technically alone. His father, the Prince of the Forest was there to raise him. But I was so devastated by the cruel death, that I refused to watch the movie ever again. And I would not allow my father to go deer hunting because it was a terrible way for Bambi’s relatives to die.
It was difficult for me to allow Dawson to bring Bambi home. I had never read the story of Bambi to him. I had never discussed death with him.
He’s not quite three years old. He is much younger than I was, the first time I saw this moive.
How could I possibly explain what happens when someone dies? How would I tell him that Bambi would be raised by his father and he’d never see his mother again?
There’s nothing like a children’s movie to make me realize my own mortality. Someday I will die. Someday, my children will be without their mother and I can only hope and pray that this day is very far away.
I can’t imagine leaving this world when there’s so much I want my children to know. There is so much I want them to learn. I can only pray that I can teach my children about love and hate, joy and sadness, life and death, before my time has ended.
And so we brought Bambi home. And we watched the movie together. I realized I still had every movie moment, every song, every word, tucked in my memory.
And when it came to the part where Bambi’s mother dies, I told my child exactly what happened. No sugar-coated variation of the story. No protection from the sadness.
“Dawson, Bambi’s mumma died,” I said. The moment the words left my mouth I wish they hadn’t. I should have told him what my mother told me.
“Bambi’s mumma died?” he asked, with a tear in his eye. The look on his face was one of surprise. It was as if he didn’t believe it.
“Yes, honey. The hunter shot Bambi’s mom. Bambi has to grow up without his mumma, but I know he’ll be just fine,” I said, crying a little.
“Yeah, Bambi fine, Mumma. Don’t cry,” Dawson said.
“I won’t cry if you don’t,” I replied.
At that moment I realized how easy it is to want to shield our children from things that will hurt or upset them.
Bambi’s mother had told him to run. “To the thicket, Bambi! Don’t look back!” She was only trying to protect him and sacrificed her life for his. Call it animal instinct.
That’s what makes me a mother. The instinct to protect my son.
As mothers, we know nothing else but to envelope our children from the painful truths.
I only hope Dawson will look back and be thankful I told him the truth. Even though it hurt, just a little.
This post is in honor of Kevin of Light Iris, who has been wearing a pregnancy suit every day since April 13. The Parentbloggers are hosting a contest asking, “What Makes You A Mother?” You can participate, too, by posting any time on Friday, May 11, to be considered for the prize. E-mail your link to parentbloggers [at] gmail [dot] com. They will be picking a winner from ALL the posts that are dated May 11, and rounding them up on their site. The random winner will get a $100 gift certificate to SPA FINDER to be announced on Mother’s Day.
Posted by Dana @ 6:22 AM • Contests, Giveaways & Sweepstakes,Uncategorized
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May 11th, 2007 at 8:13 AM, wisconsin mommy Says:
I have serious problems getting through most Disney movies since they seem to feel the need to knock off at least one parent in each film. Someone gave me a copy of Finding Nemo when I was pregnant (I hadn’t seen it yet). I never made it to the end. Between the unfortunate ending of Nemo’s mom to the poor little lost fish (plus some serious pregnancy hormones), I was sitting in a puddle.
May 11th, 2007 at 9:47 AM, Cheryl Says:
I still can’t watch Bambi. My mom likes to tell the story of when I watched Frosty the Snowman. When it came time for Frosty to die, I ran screaming and wailing downstairs to where she was in the kitchen. I cried all afternoon. I think I was seven. I still can’t talk about that experience without getting a little upset. // I have no idea what we’ll tell our babies when it’s time to talk about death. I haven’t really had a loved one die on me (except for pets), so when it’s Ben’s first time, it’ll be my first time too.
May 11th, 2007 at 10:12 AM, Dana Says:
WI Mommy, that is so true! Disney does bump off a lot of their characters. Last night we watched the Fox and the Hound — right away Mamma Fox was shot. UGH!!
Cheryl, I hear ya. Now as a mother I find myself crying over all kind of kid’s movies!
May 11th, 2007 at 2:13 PM, Leslie Says:
Beautiful post, Dana.
I’ve tried to be honest with Julia about things. Living out in the country with a lot of animals to care for, I’ve had to talk about death with her a few times. It’s hard, but honesty really is the best policy.
May 11th, 2007 at 3:07 PM, dana Says:
Leslie, that’s very true. Being honest is the best way for me, too.