March 8, 2007
Another Blue Day
This morning I awoke to the sound of one lonely bird chirping. There are several feet of snow outside and yet this little bird sang his song cheerfully as though Spring was arriving at any second.
I lay in my sleepy stupor, listening to the little sparrow (cardinal? robin?). His joy to be alive rang in my ears.
What have I been so depressed about? Why can’t I just get out of bed with glee? With the same happiness to be alive?
Why can’t I appreciate the good people and feelings in my life? I have a kind husband, who does love me, even though I talk myself into believe he’s simply stuck with me. I have a beautiful son who’s world revolves around my every move. He craves my attention, my love, my hugs and kisses; and while I shower him with affection I sometimes feel like the little alien is smothering me.
When did I turn into such a mess? There are so many questions I have, but yet I can’t find the answers. Have I always felt this way? Why didn’t I notice it before? Am I suffering depression or am I just underappreciated and tired?
Is this just seasonal because it’s winter and I hate the damn snow and cold weather? Am I just anxious for life to perk up? Perhaps I long for warm summer days when the sun is shining and the Vitamin D is soaking into my skin, making me feel more alive.
My mother will tell me to take Serotonin. Or maybe she’ll tell me to pray the Rosary and I’ll feel better. I will laugh at her quirky ways. I will laugh at how she always “knows” what’s best for me. Why don’t I know what’s best for me?
Instead I’m going to try to learn from the sparrow (cardinal? robin?) and sing a happy song of joy. Joy that I’m alive. And like my grandmother once said, “This too, shall pass.”
Posted by Dana @ 9:35 am • Confessions, Uncategorized
RSS feed for comments on this post.
TrackBack URI
March 8th, 2007 at 9:49 am, Brenda Says:
Oh no! I hope you’re spirits improve soon… feeling down is no fun at all. I’m blaming it on the lack of sun and hideous amounts of snow. Spring? Where are you? Woohooo… (I know, buy some Peeps. Those always make people happy inside.)
March 8th, 2007 at 12:45 pm, yoshi Says:
I’m so waiting for spring to come, then I can go outside and not be rained on or too cold to do anything. Just gotta wait a short time is all.
March 8th, 2007 at 5:12 pm, Leslie Says:
I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better, but everything I think of sounds so patronizing. Sometimes you just have to feel blue until you don’t anymore - at least that’s how I am. When you’re feeling down, it doesn’t really help you when someone says, “Cheer up,” as if it’s that easy. But I can say this: right now, things are tough. There are a lot of things about right now that do not make you happy. But, you will get up tomorrow and the next day and the next day. You will focus on the things that make you happy, because you are an optimistic person and you have a lot of good things in your life. And one day, hopefully soon, right now will feel pretty good.
Spring will be here before you know it.
March 9th, 2007 at 8:15 am, Dana Says:
Thank you, Brenda! I think things will start to look up. It’s sunny outside today. I’m so ready for the snow to melt and take my bad attitude with it!
Yoshi, I am so ready for Spring. I need the sun and warmth and a reason to be outside without freezing my arse off. I think that’s part of my gloom!
Leslie! Thank you! I really appreciate your kindness. I’m not even sure I’m really sad, more so just gloomy from all the days without sunshine. Isn’t it amazing how winter can make a person think they are going crazy?
March 10th, 2007 at 9:38 pm, Alyndabear Says:
I’m a new reader here, found you via Blogger Chicks from my blogroll - and just have to say how much I’m enjoying reading your posts. You sound like a really great person, looking forward to stalking you some more.
Chin up!