March 7, 2007
It’s no fairy tale…
Once upon a time, I was a carefree girl. I lived for the moment and did what I pleased. I was full of spunk and passion. I had ambition and the determination to be someone “great”. Great. What exactly does this mean?
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a man who couldn’t love me the way I wanted him to. He made me feel like I was beautiful. Important. Magical. Electrifying. But he manipulated me in so many ways to validate his existence. To feed his ego. He made me feel amazing and then pulled those feelings away from me. He was like cheap beer and I was the alcoholic.
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a man who loves me, but often doesn’t appreciate me. I often fail to treat him with respect because I feel resentment toward him. I married this man, and I love him with all my heart and soul. But I wonder, does he really love me the same way? When did we become “comfortable”? When did we lose the romance?
Once upon a time, I wasn’t a mother. I didn’t have to worry about diapers and baby powder and breastfeeding and exhaustion. I knew who I was, I didn’t need to have a child to feel…well, needed.
Once upon a time, I didn’t feel afraid or guilty for feeling the way I feel.
Once upon a time, I could look in the mirror without feeling ugly.
Once upon a time, I had a job I loved and I believed I’d work for that company forever. One day an evil company bought them out and forced me on my way.
Once upon a time, I had self-confidence and self-esteem. I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone. I didn’t feel inadequate.
Once upon a time, I wasn’t struggling with emotional stress, weight gain, depression and physical issues.
Once upon a time, I was capable of expressing my feelings and not afraid of the consequences.
Once upon a time, I wasn’t alone. I know, I have amazing people in my life who love me and care about me. But…
Once upon a time, I was enough…
Posted by Dana @ 4:32 pm • Confessions, Uncategorized
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March 7th, 2007 at 7:38 pm, Nancy Says:
I sometimes struggle with these things too. I am sorry to hear you do also — though it does help some to know that I am not alone.
March 7th, 2007 at 9:47 pm, Dana Says:
Sometimes, I just feel like life is moving forward, but I’m standing still. It’s crazy sometimes. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!
March 7th, 2007 at 11:03 pm, Leslie Says:
Dana, this was beautifully written.
Life after the ‘happily ever after’ - after falling in love, getting married, having children - is full of challeges. I can relate to some of what you’re feeling.
March 8th, 2007 at 6:16 am, Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom Says:
Yes!
March 8th, 2007 at 8:36 am, tanilan Says:
Big hugs for you!
March 9th, 2007 at 8:49 am, wisconsin mommy Says:
I know just how you feel - you are not alone.