December 6, 2006
Grandma Alice
It’s December 6th. For many of you, today is St. Nicholas’ day. If you have children, you’ll be stuffing their wooden shoes with small trinkets or toys. I have forgotten all about Dawson’s present for today. In fact, I haven’t been feeling the Christmas spirit this year and I couldn’t figure out why. Until now.
Normally, I love Christmas. I love celebrating with my family, minus the stress of shopping for presents and making too much food causing me to become fat pleasantly plump, but other than that I’m no scrooge. I start singing Christmas carols in November, usually.
This morning it dawned on me: I’m sad about Christmas because today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother Alice’s death.
I miss her. I miss her so much it brings tears to my eyes and they drip onto my keyboard. I miss her old lady smell, which was a cross between Avon’s Lily of the Valley perfume and L’Oreal powder. Grandma never left the house with out powder and rouge. She never called it blush. It was rouge and you were nuts if you didn’t call it the the same.
Of course this was before all of her many strokes. She had four to be exact. She recovered fully from her first mini stroke. The last few caused her to be paralyzed on the left side of her body, and she couldn’t talk, let alone put on her favorite make-up.
She had to communicate by writing on a mini dry erase board and by using certain sign language and hand signals. I remember how desperately my mother prayed for her recovery. It was devastating to see my grandma’s frustration regarding communication and her lack of it.
My grandma was 83 years old when she passed away. She outlived all of her siblings. She was a fighter. She never gave up. Even when things seemed the worst, she still fought to live. She loved her family, her children, her grandchildren, and her great-grandchild (my Dawson) very much. She hated the nursing home, she hated the hospital. If she had it her way, she’d remain on the farm she and my grandfather bought in 1952 and die a slow, painful death instead of being cooped up in her hospital room.
Her sense of humor was contageous. She loved to laugh at the funny things we did as kids. Once my brother Nathan and I were trying to fart on purpose and we erupted in uncontrollable giggles. Grandma laughed so hard she spanked us for making her tummy ache. Of course the “spanking” wasn’t really a spanking. More of love tap on the arm.
Another time she got mad at my sister and me for singing a Randy Travis song, over and over again in our fake southern accents. We thought is was funny when she yelled, “Shaddup, you little dupas!” But she never really meant it. She didn’t want us to know she loved our silly antics because then our mother would be cross with her for encouraging us to be little goofballs.
Grandma would say things like, “Youse kids are nuts,” in her old Polish slang. We’d laugh at the funny way she talked. I miss that now. I miss her little quirks and her old family phrases like, “What’s your name from home?” Which translates to “What is your maiden name?”
I miss the times she’s spit on her handkerchief secretly tucked in her sleeve and wipe my face. I thought it was gross at the time. But that was a true sign of love. That was affection. That was her way of showing us just how much she loved us.
I miss the times she’d let me watch Three’s Company and The Golden Girls with her when my own mother forbade it. It was our little secret and I never told a soul. That was my time with Grandma. That was something special we shared.
Christmas was the one holiday my grandma looked forward to. She would see all seven of her children and all her grandchildren. She loved to buy presents for all of us. We loved to see what cool things she found for us from K-mart. We didn’t care where it came from, we just loved Grandma’s presents. Come to think of it, maybe it was Grandma’s presence that meant the most to me.
One year she gave me and my cousin Hedy matching nightgowns with Care Bears on them. We were so excited. (Shush, we were only 8 and 6 years old at the time!)
Every Christmas feast was hosted by one of her daughters. My mom hosted the first year, my Aunt Donna the second year, and Aunt Mary the third year and the rotation continued until the present day.
It was very hard last Christmas without Alice there. On Christmas Day it was hard to believe she had only passed away three weeks prior.
It’s not Christmas without Grandma Alice. I don’t think it will ever be the same.
Grandma, I could write about you forever but it only makes me sad and I can’t get the words out. And it makes me mad that I can’t say what I want to say.
I know you’re in Heaven, dancing the Polka with Grandpa. I know you’re playing bingo at the church picnics in the Promised Land. But I still miss you. I’ll love you “forever, and ever, Amen.”
I look at the four generation photo we took after Dawson was born. You didn’t want to be in the picture because you said you looked sick. I didn’t care then and I don’t care now, that you looked sick. You were still Grandma Alice. You were still my Babczka. And I still love you.
Love,
“Moya Dana”
Posted by Dana @ 7:08 AM • Uncategorized
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December 6th, 2006 at 7:30 AM, sj Says:
your grandma alice sounds like a beautiful, lovely woman. thank you for sharing your memories with us…
December 6th, 2006 at 7:49 AM, Mammacheryl Says:
That’s beautiful, Dana. I’m so glad you have such lovely memories of her. Regretfully, I never spent any time with my grandparents before they died or became senile. I miss the absence of warm memories like yours.
December 6th, 2006 at 10:55 AM, Leslie Says:
Your grandma sounds like she was a special lady. I can certainly see why you miss her so much.
Today marks 8 years since my husband’s mother passed away.
It’s hard to lose a loved one anytime, but near the holidays, when family togetherness is celebrated, it seems especially hard.
I’m glad you have happy memories of her. As long as you have that, she’s never really gone.
December 6th, 2006 at 12:42 PM, Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom Says:
oh hugs Dana.
I’m so sorry about your loss. Know that writing about your Grandma will make you feel better. YOu have such amazing memories of her. Use them to lift you up when you are down. She is watching over you and making sure you are okay. I just know it.
She sounds like such a wonderful woman. A great role model and a great heart.
hugs to you today and every time you think about her.
December 6th, 2006 at 4:07 PM, Kate Says:
That’s such nice words about your grandmother — mine died 4 years ago in November and I miss her greatly, too. Thanks for sharing
December 7th, 2006 at 6:47 AM, Alicia Says:
Thanks for sharing that Dana. My grandma has lived long enough to see her first great-grandchild, and I’m praying that she’s able to be here when this next one is born too. You’re grandma sounds like quite a spunky lady and I’m sure she’s still watching over you.
December 7th, 2006 at 10:44 AM, becca Says:
that is so sweet. We have one livving g-greatgrandma it so sweet to see the two together. I wish my grandma was here to have met my kids. Nice memory and tribute
December 7th, 2006 at 2:02 PM, Brenda Says:
This brought a tear to my eye, too. You are so blessed to have such a beautiful and sweet grandmother. May she rest in peace.
BTW: Thanks for the reminder about St. Nicholas who happens to be Catholic Son’s saint! I forget the feast day every year. You’d think I’d put it on my calender by now.
Hope you’re feeling better soon…?
December 8th, 2006 at 10:27 AM, tanilan Says:
Big hugs to you, Dana! I miss my grandma a lot too. She’s been gone since December 1983. I miss her every day and the way she taught you things and you didn’t realize she was teaching you. She was wise and I loved her. Thanks for sharing Grandma Alice with us.
December 8th, 2006 at 10:39 AM, kate o'brien Says:
Thanks for sharing such a beautiful story! Your grandmother sounds like a phenomenal woman!
December 8th, 2006 at 5:49 PM, Dana Says:
Thank you all so much for your kind words. Each one of you mean so much to me. It’s great to have friends like you. Even though we’ve never met face to face, I feel the friendship love from afar and I cherish it.
-hugs galore-
Dana
December 9th, 2006 at 7:19 PM, Heather Says:
What a lovely post about your beautiful grandmother. I as well, miss mine terribly…