October 23, 2006
Wanted: SAHM Helpful Hints
In the last few weeks I have been so stressed out and burned out by my job that I’m actually taking into consideration of becoming a stay-at-home-mom.
I don’t think Doug knows this yet, but if he’s reading, he does now.
I am trying my best to weight my options and to be informed about the benefits and the downside of staying home. I know that Dawson would most benefit from this because he would be with his loving Mumma all day. He wouldn’t have to go to daycare. He wouldn’t suffer the traumatic seperation anxiety every single morning. I would be able to maintain my household better than I do now, as a full time working mother.
The negative impact is the loss of income. We barely make it month to month now with two incomes, how can I even dare think of quitting my job?
I decided to search MSN Money for some answers and information and found this article. The writer MP Dunleavey, explains that when she was in college in the 80s, the idea of staying home with your kids was unpopular. This day and age, more mothers are staying home. I envy those women. I wonder if they have husbands who make enough money to pay the bills and afford the luxuries in life or if they are just that frugal when it comes to their finances.
How do they do it?
Doug and I have a mortgage, a car payment, loan payments, utilities, insurance, and of course debt. Lots of debt. Most of that debt is mine from my college years. And I hate admitting this because it always makes me feel guilty. Guilty for not being more responsible. Guilty for being selfish and wanting a child before we were financially stable. Guilty for spending too much money before I was pregnant. Guilty for being financially irresponsible. Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!
I’m busting my rear trying to climb out of this dark hole. It’s exhuasting. I pay my bills and debts with whatever income I have available and the money left over pays for groceries and diapers and my little webhosting service.
Reading this article made me think of ways to trim the expenses. I could get rid of internet service and quit blogging. I could cancel the cable because we spend too much time watching the Food Network anyway. I could force Dawson into potty training early to save $50 in diapers each month (yeah, THAT’s gonna happen).
I could take a second job and never see my family every again.
All you SATM’s out there, hit me with your strategies. Tell me what works, what doesn’t work. Tell me if you like staying home or if you prefer to work? I’m looking for all the advice I can get.
Posted by Dana @ 8:00 am • Uncategorized
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October 23rd, 2006 at 10:04 am, sj Says:
i’m not personally a SAHM, but i am married to a SAHD. one of the biggest things we considered was how much money we were actually putting into daycare. when all was said and done, jas would be bringing home like $50/month and the rest would be going to pay for daycare for the girls. to us, it just wasn’t worth it. we wouldn’t even be missing that $50/month.
my best suggestion would be to try and put your paycheck into a savings account for a month or so. if you realize that you are able to pay bills and make ends meet on doug’s paycheck, then by all means, QUIT! but even if you can’t do that, it’s amazing how much less you spend when you don’t have that extra cash flow.
i don’t clip coupons or anything like that, but i don’t normally shop at ‘gap’ or even ‘old navy.’ i get the girls clothes from ‘target’ or even from ‘once upon a child.’ and, of course, hand me downs are always nice.
we don’t have cable or cell phones or long distance or even internet access. jas’s parents bought us a cell phone though to cut down on *their* long distance bill, so that obviously helps. but, instead of having long distance, we use a calling card that i bought at wal-mart. much, much cheaper. and as far as cable goes, i find plenty of things to watch with just your basic channels and PSB kids of course for leah. as far as internet goes, we’re lucky in that sense as well. since i work for a university, they provide my home with dial-up access. it’s not that fastest thing in the world, but it gets us by.
once dawson is potty trained, you’ll see a huge drop in outgoing cash. it’s amazing how quickly those wipes and diapers add up. hopefully, that’ll happen sooner rather than later! but give it time…he will definitely catch on before you know it.
jas also has a part-time job working 3 nights a week for 4 hrs each. that little bit of extra income really comes in handy, especially for all of those extras that we all enjoy, like going out to eat every once in a while. his part-time job is great for the family with the extra cash, but he also enjoys it. it gets him out of the house and talking with adults again. i’m certain he would go crazy if he didn’t work at least a little bit.
let me know if you have specific questions on how we do things. i’ll be glad to let you know how our family survives! good luck with your decision and keep us posted!!
October 23rd, 2006 at 3:59 pm, Kate O'Brien Says:
Wow Dana. You are going through a lot right now. First off, I will keep you in my prayers so that you and your husband can make the decision that best suits your family.
Now, you wanted input and I have a lot on this subject!
We have always been a one income family. I have never worked outside the home the entire time I have been married. Mainly because I got pregnant right away. Also because my husband had very strong views about this subject and wanted his children’s homelife to be like his, his mom stayed at home. I agreed because I had always wanted to stay home too.
My husband earns a decent income by most standards, about 60,000 a year. (I know you aren’t supposed to tell people what you make but I thought it wouldn’t be tacky in this instance. I want you to know where my perspective is coming from.)But with only ONE income and SEVEN children, it gets hard sometimes. But somehow, God willing, we have never done without.
We make it work. We have taken one real vacation in 9 years, to Disney World. We saved for years for it. Camping is what we usually do because it’s cheap and we are still spending time together as a family. I shop sales at the grocery store, clip coupons and shop at several stores to get the best deals.
We do eat out on a regular basis. But it’s usually fast food or pizza. Nothing too fancy. We go out to eat at nice places maybe 2 times a year. We plan for outings that are going to cost money like the movies, zoo or museums. And we save for those outings. We DO NOT use credit unless it is for our mortgage. We don’t own a credit card and don’t take out loans. So we don’t owe anyone anything. If you can get your debt down that will make a big difference.
We do get treats though. I just have to plan accordingly. If I want a Starbucks coffee, I know I can’t get those chocolate eclairs at the grocery store. If I want Lily to have an outfit from Gymboree (my downfall!), I save a little out of each paycheck.
I’m not willing to give up some of the comforts of life. So I change and rearrange the budget and our savings plans to make it work so that I can stay home and we can still live a comfortable life.
I hope this helped you some. I will be checking back to see what others have to say. I’m interested to hear how everyone else make it work.
October 23rd, 2006 at 4:03 pm, mothergoosemouse Says:
I’ve been a WOHM - both with a job I loved and a job I tolerated - and a SAHM. I preferred being a WOHM with a job I loved, but this SAHM gig is great too.
I would take a look at your balance sheet, especially with respect to paying off debt and saving for the future (i.e., instead of shelling out money for daycare, putting a portion of it toward debt payoff and a portion toward savings). It just may payoff.
And I totally dig coupon clipping. It really can make a difference, IF you were going to buy the items anyway.
October 23rd, 2006 at 6:28 pm, Kate O'Brien Says:
You’re right mothergoose about the coupons! LOL! I have often clipped coupons and bought items I would have normally never have purchased if there had not been a coupon!
October 23rd, 2006 at 6:55 pm, Dana Says:
Thanks ladies!! These tips and thoughts mean so much to me. Doug and I are working on a “game plan” as he wants to call it. Basically, I may need to work a year longer, just until my car is paid off. We’re going to see a financial adviser after the New Year. It makes no sense to quit now with those damn Holidays approaching!
October 23rd, 2006 at 10:01 pm, clair Says:
Finance is definitely a big consideration but I think you also need to think about how you personally feel about staying home. Like missing the social interactions, the adult conversations. That’s why I took up a part-time job just so I can get out of the house for a few hours a week. Having said all this, you could always work from home and make some money from there. Good luck with with your decision
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:57 pm, Anonymous Purple Car Says:
Have you thought about staying home with Dawson and maybe taking on a child or two in your own home? Or a part time job in the evening a couple days a week?? Then you could be home with Dawson during the day and he could be with Doug in the evening and then of course your family nights where you are all home at the same time. I loved being home with Kaitlyn before she started school - I was doing my parties at night and therefore I got my away time too! Which was awesome!! I love my daughter with everything I have, yet you need “sanity” time too!! My husband would take care of Kaitlyn in the evening or my mother in law would babysit a few hours when need be. Or depending on where my party was I would drop her off by my parents when I was going to a party and pick her up on the way home.
Now Kaitlyn is in school and I get her up in the morning and ready for school and she rides the bus to the shop by Bill when I have my parties or am waitressing. When I am home and it is family night she is excited to ride the bus home. We adjusted our lives accordingly to make things work for us.
Good Luck!!
October 24th, 2006 at 7:49 am, Kate O'Brien Says:
I forgot about the babysitting! I babysat for a teacher at the older kids school for 2 years. It was a wonderful experience and I made good money! I totally left out the ways I have added to our income in my original comment! You know I also sell Stampin’ Up products too. So I guess these past few years I have been a part time WAHM. I can’t wait though until the kids are all school aged and I can work outside the home again. Only 3 years left! I’m counting!
I so miss social interaction with other adults.
October 24th, 2006 at 1:50 pm, InTheFastLane Says:
I was a SAHM mom for 5 years and I have to say that we were in a lot of debt. One teacher salary does not make it very far. It seems like we are just now digging ourselves out of that holw now that I have been working for almost three years. I would say that your goal would definatly be to get you finances in order the best you can - or at least have a plan. But, daycare is expensive. Luckily ours is free - Grandma. But how much of your current income is going towards daycare?
October 24th, 2006 at 3:39 pm, James Says:
Let me speak as a stay at home Dad. My wife and I tried working and having kids come home from school. It does not work very well. Obviously, the income question is huge, and my wife and I are not big on handling change. When you analyze your expenses and decide where you can cut back, you will probably be surprised at the result. We were able to do more with a lot less once I was at home and doing some serious budgeting. The rewards for doing less and affording less and watching pennies is that my kids were no longer latch-key kids. The other thing to consider is that if you use your imagination you can probably figure out a way to make some extra money working from the house. I have been able to do consulting myself, and as a result, when I get back into the work-force at some point, my resume will be continuous.
October 24th, 2006 at 5:48 pm, becca Says:
Without leaving a huge response. There is noting better then being home with your kids, You will have bad days like most people do at work, but it is so worth it. If you can get by finanically.. do it. You will always regret it if you dont try. You may be able to find ways to make money on the side, that can help with costs. Money for daycare and gas and food and work clothes, would be in your pocket also. You really can make the money last. Maybe get a side job, candle lite, make jewlery and sell it, become a notary, open a day care with one more child…
October 24th, 2006 at 7:48 pm, Mommy off the Record Says:
I’m a mix btw a SAHM and a working mom. I work 3 days a week and stay home the rest of the time. I know these situations are hard to come by but it’s really ideal if you can do it. I wouldn’t have been able to afford to stay home completely, nor would I really have wanted to, but with the PT job I feel that I can stay in the work world, have that outlet and a paycheck, and still get a lot of time home with my son. I know it’s hard to fine PT, but that might be something to consider.
We’ve also refinanced our home loans, student loans, and don’t have any car payments to make it easier.
I wish you much luck figuring it out. I know it’s stressful.